Day 5 after quitting. The first couple of days of being nicotine free I focused on being that- being nicotine free. Now that I have moved beyond an hourly countdown I find myself being faced with a strange brew of emotions. Some of these emotions are related to smoking and some are not. Some of them are just somethings I had not allowed myself to feel through smoking. I cannot speak for anyone else, but I was one to repress an emotion with a cigarette in a new york second. (in a tiff w/ some one? Go smoke a cigarette before I confront that person) Now I am left to feel them whether I want to or not. I suppose in the long run this is a good thing. I need to learn other ways of coping that are less self-destructive.
I personally believe that all of life can be approached in a three fold process: Acknowledgement, Resolution and pursuance. In regards to smoking I have acknowledged that I am an addict and I want to change. I have resolved to make that change and I have pursued that as my goal. Of course I am human I go from wanting to strangle the ever loving shit out of someone, to being calm and then repentant as I go through this transistion from smoker to non smoker. Iwill admit, however, that I am not very proud of my mood swings.
The task nearest at hand is to make sure that I am being genuine to others and myself and not just reacting to withdrawl. So this is my struggle today. Thank you for letting me wax philosophical. I hope you are all staying smoke free like me. 🙂 By the way I am pretty sure long rambling blogs are a symptom of nicotine withdrawl. Right? Please someone say it ain't just me!
