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Share your quitting journey

The addict within?

Chuck-2-20-2011
0 29 120

Good day Exer's!

I remember those first hard weeks of my quit. At first it didn't seem nearly as bad as I thought it would and I think this is the case for a lot of us. We dread that day when we put out that last cigarette because we're not sure what's actually going to happen. It's the fear of the unknown that gets us at first I think.

But regardless of our fears we still choose to take that first step on the path of freedom and yes, those first days seem hard but just not as bad as we'd imagined. By the end of our first week we start to feel a little more confident and some even look forward to week two.

And then we move on and things seem to calm a little until one day we wake up and seemingly out of know where the addict within awakens once again and starts sending those signals to smoke and we're like, “What the heck is this???!!! I've already done all of this!!!”

And yet the day wears on with what seems like one long endless crave. The reality is that the crave lasts only minutes and yet that seems to be enough to renew our thinking about smoking. And because of this it seems like the crave lasts forever, like we're suddenly on a roller coaster ride that seems to be spinning out of control while we hold on as tight as we can and try to get a grip.

Even though we've heard of these “phantom craves” as I like to call them, until it happens we just don't expect it. But this too is a natural part of quitting. It took us many years to create our addiction so of course it takes a bit of time to completely rid ourselves of it.

Me, I saw this endless internal conflict and I knew that this didn't make any sense. How could I be arguing with myself when I know that I'm doing all of the right things for my future. How could I even think of going back to that horrid life I'd lived before.

And so I named this childish part of my brain the “addict within” just so I could tell that part of my brain to shut up! I saw the addict within as a child that just couldn't grasp right from wrong. It was a part of my brain that still had to be convinced that what I was doing was right.

And you know what? Once I assigned a name to this internal torment it actually helped me to get a handle on the rest of my quit for you see, I knew that this little screaming child only thought it had control over me. I knew that I had the upper hand but I also learned to keep the addict close so that he couldn't sneak up on me again.

These were indeed strange times and ones that we all go through. But the bottom line is I never gave the addict within a good foothold to try to make me miserable. I simply told the beast to shut up and went on to something else. Now, don't think that was the only day like that for me. Oh no. There were others but I started to notice something. Each time I had a phantom crave, it held less power over me.

Soon I could laugh at these strange little stimulation's that my mind sent to me and now? After 878 days I have found a peace like I never thought I'd know again. And the feeling of freedom is so wonderful! There's nothing like ripping those shackles of addiction out of ourselves and one thing is certain. Even though it takes time. Even though it might suck at first. Even though we have to change our lives in so many wonderful ways I still never had a single doubt about my journey.

I am free!! So very free and I can't wait to see all of you on the other side of that addiction because when it comes to the beauty of freedom. When it comes to the moment where we can smile and yes, laugh at our past transgressions. Then this is something that we want to share. This is something that we want everyone who has the courage to walk that path to freedom to experience!

Go for it! Never look back and never ever give in!!!

 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

29 Comments
mel_74
Member

Great Blog Chuck! Wow 878 days, that's awesome! I'm envious.  My 31 days seems so distant from 878 but I'll get there eventually!

southie
Member

Congrats on 878 days, Chuck!

Whoa, I better not get too confident. I hope I don't get those phantom craves. You're scaring me, but best to be prepared.

Thanks, Deb

Linda239
Member

Wow, 878 days is great!!!  I know you are so proud of yourself.  One day I too will be there.  I already feel the way you do, but I know it is a long journey.  I hope those people here at this site who are near the beginning of their final quit understand that it does not occur overnight, but is well worth it.  If they just keep with their quit they will see!  Freedom from addiction and better health is GREAT!!!

newlife5
Member

i love your writing style chuck ... ive started calling it my inner addict but i kind of like the addict within a little better,...to me instead of a child  it reminds me of a rebellious teen...wanting to do the opposite of anything you tell it...of anything thats right...if you tell him to shut up he will yell at you, very defiant very sneeky,the way ive been dealing with him is acknowledging he is there and giving him the respect he deserves.. kind of like learning to swim.. if you dont develope a respect for the water you will never learn to work with it and become one...that is what i intend to accomplish  to acknowledg e its existence and coexist... because after all that defiant teen is in all reality me..

lisad4
Member

Great pep talk. I am on my 9th attempt at quitting and it is that phantom carving that has broken me every time. My boyfriend quit 2.5 years ago because he ended up in the hospital with colapsed lungs, and my sister, mother and step mother all died from lung cancer. I do not want to be like them, and I want to be around for a long time to see my family grow. I have realized that my smoking has to stop now because I am developing the same health problems that everyone I love died from. I needed you pep talk too. I hope this time I am strong enough. I am not giving up again. I am done quitting quitting.

flybygirl43
Member

Chuck,

This post couldn't have come at a better time for me.  Just today I was hit with this huge craving - it felt bigger than me -- and I was like where the hell did this come from?  I've got 38 days under my belt.  I've been feeling so happy and free and confident and then this huge crave comes upon me.  Like you I know it only lasts for a few minutes but it felt like it was all day.  Ugh.  Your naming it though is great.  Hope you don't mind, but I'm stealing your naming idea.  I'm gonna call my crave "my little demon" after a Fleetwood Mac/Lindsay Buckingham song.  Fits perfectly.  Congrats on your 878 days!!  And thanks for this post!!

JonesCarpeDiem

great block chuck and great to see you

sharon110
Member

Chuck...totally cool....thank you for sharing..

sharon110
Member

I really needed to read this...I thought maybe something was wrong with me..I guess for some of us the first few WEEKS are bad...not just days. 

 

Day 12 and I can feel it getting somewhat easier. I will wait for the big prize of freedom......

motherlovebone

Naming it is a wonderful idea.  Gives it shape and definition in order to reject it.  Thanks for the tip!  One idea that was completely brand new to me here is the idea of "firsts."  I think every time we come up against an activity that we are so used to smoking through we get hit with those cravings that "seem" to come out of nowhere.  I've been blindsided by them in past quits, but I'm gearing up to be ready for them this time.  Thanks for contributing to my preparation!  xo~mlb

Maryjo1953
Member

Great pep talk, I am having cataract surgery on Tuesday, I got a craving on the way home from work, playing mind games and rationalizing buying a pack of cigs, didn't do it, feeling good day 15.

freeneasy
Member

Thank you-I have been struggling with this lately -after almost 200 days and you put it into perspective.

luvztheway
Member

I have to second freeneasy, I had this struggle at the beginning of the month around the 235 day mark.  You put it into perspective for me too...actually I've written about it twice this month and I wrote today I was disappointed in myself for not being prepared with any of the items that helped me through those first few weeks.

Thanks for the inspiration!

Luvz

Joan_01-02-2015

Chuck, thanks for a great and encouraging blog.  I am on day 172 and feel sideswiped sometimes by those bizarre, out-of-no-where craves.  Yesterday I got home from the grocery store.  I am taking fulltime online courses from home, so am not "working".  I don't go out a lot, so when I do I make it good.  Yesterday was a three and a half hour grocery store trip to our local Super Wal-Mart (I know, I know).  I got home and the first thing i thought about was going outside to have a cigarette before I unloaded the groceries - an old habit.  Sometimes it is like a wham!!!

You are right - that "nicodemon" can strike at anytime and I have learned to take those deep breaths and kind of laugh at myself - especially because I won!!  I WON!!

Messages like yours keep me every going, and ever positive, and ever hopeful.

Have a super blessed week - Joan (2/2/2013)

Julia_Amy
Member
Hi Chuck! I SO agree with you. Once you can see the miserable little tyrant for what it is, out loses all power! Great blog.
efrazie7
Member
Thank you for this Chuck! I didn't know what was going on. The first three months smoke free gave me such an amazing rush but I noticed int he last week my cravings have been extremely high. It got to the point where I actually started crying because I felt like I was in a battle. I then went to my bible and unread Philippians 4:13 "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength". I felt so much better and reading your blog was also an encouragement. This stronghold will not keep me down. Thank you again and God bless you through your journey :0)
rebecca68
Member

I  am on 25 days. I enjoyed reading this. Only 853 days til I get where you are.  I will enjoy my own Journey, but appreciate your insights. thank you Chuck.

robinbanks
Member

Thanks for the blog. I thought that the first second i quit  was going to be the hardest and  fooled myself into thinking that this was a breeze for the first couple of weeks. I took advantage of all the resources available to me and thought i was going to get through this easy. Yesterday and today were  and are filled with tears and anger and annoyance that I dont have a smoke in my hand. I hope to have a story as inspirational as yours. thanks again

robinbanks
Member

Thanks for the blog. I thought that the first second i quit  was going to be the hardest and  fooled myself into thinking that this was a breeze for the first couple of weeks. I took advantage of all the resources available to me and thought i was going to get through this easy. Yesterday and today were  and are filled with tears and anger and annoyance that I dont have a smoke in my hand. I hope to have a story as inspirational as yours. thanks again

robinbanks
Member

Thanks for the blog. I thought that the first second i quit  was going to be the hardest and  fooled myself into thinking that this was a breeze for the first couple of weeks. I took advantage of all the resources available to me and thought i was going to get through this easy. Yesterday and today were  and are filled with tears and anger and annoyance that I dont have a smoke in my hand. I hope to have a story as inspirational as yours. thanks again

jeanne-06.03.13

Thank you.  I'm on day 52 and this was VERY helpful.  

frenchseashell

frenchseashell

 

Can someone tell me how I'm supposed to stop drinking wine AND quit smoking at the same time? I don't want to set myself up for failure. I need help but don't know where to start. For me, the smoking is the most important. I feel I'm not able to do both. Any thoughts?

1coolcat
Member

Great post Chuck I feel the same way about smoking and hope I can stay smoke free the rest of my life. I use the patch and eletronic cigarette to get me through the hard times. When I think about smoking I stop to think about how much better I feel for not smoking them. frenchseashell you may want to get a patch or nicoret gum, The eletronic cigarette and patch help me when I drink.

chrissyh72
Member

Today is my first day of breaking my addiction, and I must say waking up and getting my cup of coffee (which normally would be shared with a cig) I felt panic at OMG how am I going to get thru this day....then I came back here (I signed up last night) and I found your blog! TY TY TY!!! You so made me feel better and I KNOW I can get thru this day and the next as long as I remind myself that I AM the one in control and not the cig!

gorgia
Member

Today is day one... good read... I feel you and here your voice within myself.. The first 24hrs has not been so bad... In fact much easier then expected as you said... I have been down this road before and it was not like this at all... for me I  think the difference is looking at it from the addictions side of the fence... and acourse my conviction, for thought and planning was a different track then all the times before...Not only that the patch may be working wonders... I have no fears this is it for me... life starts now ... I will never smoke again...Yahoo...

gorgia
Member

Today is day one... good read... I feel you and here your voice within myself.. The first 24hrs has not been so bad... In fact much easier then expected as you said... I have been down this road before and it was not like this at all... for me I  think the difference is looking at it from the addictions side of the fence... and acourse my conviction, for thought and planning was a different track then all the times before...Not only that the patch may be working wonders... I have no fears this is it for me... life starts now ... I will never smoke again...Yahoo...

kjvenegas
Member

Georgia and ChrissyH72, this is my first day too....5th attempt. and FINAL!!!  Chuck, your post pretty much hit on why I am at this again.  Thank you for posting this to remind me of where I fell down in the past!  I love how people have named this little childish part of our brain because I cannot let it break me again!!!  So, you little "addict within," or "nicodemon" you will not get me this time!!!  I know who you are and I know that I am bigger and stronger than YOU!  That just felt fun to write!

Thanks Again!!

Kelly

haniov2
Member

Today is day 9... It got difficult. the farther we go although the less intense and more far apart the cravings get, but it also gets more complex. had a 6 months quitting going on about 2 years ago, for stupid reasons, I threw it all out the window. I came to read something maybe this stupid craving goes away, and I found your post. it didn't go away, but it was a good post. it gave me confidence. Thank you!

Wait... It's gone now. Phew.

Thanks again. See you next craving 😄

jthorstensen
Member
I call mine Nick monster. He is an evil, persistant beast.