Today was a rough one for me. I am 32 days quit and am so happy. Yet, I find that today my thoughts and urges were strong. The insanity of this is that my mom has taken a turn for the worse and it's because of years of smoking. Mom had a stroke two and a half years ago. She has been in an extended care facility since then. But this past Thursday, my sisters and myself paid for a private ambulette service and oxygen machine so she could spend Thanksgiving with the family. What a wonderful time we all had and she was so happy. Mom started to have breathing issues before Thanksgiving (she has had it for many years), but it has gotten very bad. The other day I really thought she was going to die. How is it possible for me to look at my mother and what she is going through and have thoughts of smoking. It's INSANE. What my mother is going through now is most definitely going to be me if I smoke. There is no doubt about it. It's like going into the future, but never leaving the room. I'm just venting today because it has been hard for me. I did walk, read, journal, work, cook, and any other thing I could think of to redirect my thoughts. I am finally accepting the thoughts today, but maybe tomorrow will be better. Thanks for being here Ex family.
💕Michelle
