It was March & my asthmatic bronchitis was starting up again. I hate going to the doctor & missing work. Really I just hated going to the doctor. But I figured she knocked it out pretty quick the previous November she could do it again.
I’m waiting in the little room for what seemed 20 minutes. The doctor finally arrives & we exchange pleasantries. What’s your problem? How long has it been going on this time. Note I said this time as I would have at least 2 bouts with this every year. Take off my shirt, I’m dreading the coldness of her stethoscope, breathe deep, deeper. Okay. Looks like the bronchitis again but I want to take a chest X-Ray.
X-RAY!
This is probably the most feared word other than cancer to a smoker or an ex-smoker. Okay, this is the day that I never wanted to happen. Put on a robe, follow a nurse down a maze of halls for what seems like miles, everyone knows you smoked for all those years. They know you’re going for X-Ray. You feel like dead man walking. You feel as if the others are looking at you with pity. The X-Ray didn’t take long & I was soon back in my little room trying to get my mind off this thing. What was I going to tell my family? Who would take care of them? I’m not even a grandfather yet. I’ve got two little girls I want to watch grow up. Who’s gonna put up lights & decorate the yard & house for them at Christmas? Who was gonna hide eggs at Easter? Why was I so stupid to keep smoking those things? Even after watching family & friends die at the hands of tobacco I continued to slowly kill myself. I had always been so cavalier about it. Hey, I gotta die of something. The moment of truth & I’m cowering at the news I know the doctor will give me.
Here she is finally. She’s taking forever to close the door. Couldn’t she have made all those notes before she came in? “Well Mike we’ve looked at your X-Ray & see that†Oh man here it is, how am I going to explain how stupid I was, “everything looks good & your chest is clear. We’re gonna give you this & need you to do that…â€
I can’t explain the sheer joy & relief that washed over me in that room. Just knowing that the worst was coming. After all, I had smoked for 35 years so I deserved to go down like this. I went home that day a changed man. Sometimes if I get a little cocky I think back to that day in the doctor’s office & remember the dread that ate at my very soul. I have not taken one sick day since that day back in March 2005. I’ve not been sick except for 2 or three colds & they never lasted long at all. I’ve decorated & put lights on the house for 3 more Christmas’s now. I’ve hidden eggs for 3 more Easters. There will be many more to come I know. All I have to do is remember that day to keep me from ever smoking again. All the time I have now is free. I’m going to do the most with it that I can.
