I guess I kind of skipped my relapse insurance yesterday, opting to focus on work projects instead, but a quick recap oughta' do my day V:
My first real day of relative peace and calm. No serious, overwhelming urges. Later in the evening, however, I was at a musical theatre performance, and actually struggled with the fact that -- before -- sitting in that seat, I would have been waiting for intermission so that I could smoke a cigarette and enjoy the rest of the show. And it wasn't like I was dealing with what felt like a true urge, but it was more like I was dealing with the old habit of anxiety, of waiting to smoke, or something. Then later, I had a few beers (think 3-4) with a cast member and then later with a friend in town. The friend, a fellow musician, and I very recently were nothing short of smoking partners in the past, and though I never came close to smoking, I did feel that energy and had to keep it present in my mind. There was also a giddiness last night with me -- before the beer and champagne, mind you. It's lighter, today.
FYI, I woke up relatively clear-headed and without hangover or sluggishness. I actually remember this from my first serious quit ... the fact that perhaps the extra oxygen and lack of tar and carbon monoxide in my system actually made me recover more quickly from a night out with the guys.
Day VI is nothing short of rather normal. Now, *this* feels like my most normal day. Cigarettes smell horrible to me, now. I feel like I'm out of the cave and back into the light and on the path, finally. And whereas on days I, II, and possibly even less so on IV I seriously fought urges to walk down to the 7-11 and just "quit later", that thought now really seems like a ridiculous thing to do. I've lost a great deal of my need to smoke, and I'm *highly grateful that I didn't do that*. It just took a few days discomfort -- a few days I'll likely not remember in the near future -- but I'm glad I did it. The same will go for now, I'm sure, as I unravel the myriad other issues, triggers, and situations I've connected with smoking over the years.
I've given myself, if you haven't noticed, to the occasional beer and coffee. Coffee, specifically -- I want to make sure I can still enjoy my coffee (and oh! by the way, I most certainly can -- in all its richness and nuance and flavour) as well as my beer, here and there (same goes for beer, by the way).
As for right now, again I feel calmer, more empowered and more routine. I'm generally engaging back in the flow of life; although I imagine a few surprises are yet to come -- I haven't quite hit my 7, 10, 21, or even 30-day milestones just yet. Sword in hand and I have my footing; yet the battle is still to be waged, I'm sure.
Five days, 16 hours, 5 minutes and 3 seconds. 113 cigarettes not smoked, saving $25.52. Life saved: 9 hours, 25 minutes.
