Today is the beginning for me. I've been thinking of quitting for someitme now and I have been working toward quitting and trying various methods for the past three months. When I began this process I was working alongside my sister who is currently living with me. Somewhere along the lines we both fell off track and I haven't managed to get back to it yet.
When it began I was excited. I really felt I wanted to stop. As Time passed I grew more attached to the habit and I started to care less about stopping. I reverted to old habits, changed the rules I had set for myself, telling myself it would be easier with out the rules, while knowing that what I was doing was only going to keep me smoking.
I'm terrified that if I stop smoking it will change who I am because I've been doing it for so long I've come to believe that it is a part of me.
I'm scared that I just won't know what to do with myself with out the cigarettes as my constant companion.
I worry that I won't be able to let go and thus be seen as a failure, and so I tell myself I would rather not try.
I've tried quitting in the past on several occaisions with varying results. I know some methods that flat out offer me no help, and I know some that help to lessen my desire to smoke.
I'd like to try a non-nicotine medicine to help me get to my goal of being smoke-free but I don't know how to find them. I've considered using Chantix to help but I've been told that it does not help, and I'm afraid of negative side effects.
The people closest to me all smoke, and though I know they will support my decision to quit I do not know if I can rely on them to help me.
I feel ashamed of my decision to quit more often than proud of it, and would prefer to hide it from everyone around me though I know that this can not help me to quit.
I want to stop.
I don't want smoking to define me.
I don't want cigarettes to be a part of my life anymore.
