The Abuser
I’ll never forget when I met him, I was young. Right away I had the biggest
crush on him and I thought we looked so great together. He was charming and I
was enthralled with his looks and sophistication, it didn’t take me long to
fall under his spell.
I should have known right away that something was wrong when he told me
that we had to hide our relationship. He said; “Let’s keep it a secret for a while,
especially from your mother and your family.” Later when my mother found out we
were together, he manipulated me into thinking she was wrong to keep us apart and
I ended up turning my back on my mother. I finally understood he was
using me and I got some help to get away, it wasn’t easy. In therapy, I learned
everything about him was typical of an abuser, he was charming, controlling,
critical, jealous and he demanded that I be at his side constantly. I didn’t see all
these things about him but others did. It’s been years since I’ve left him but he
comes around once in a while even though I’ve told him I don’t want to see him ever
again. My therapist told me I should write him a letter, so here goes…
Dear nicotine,
I saw you the other day with a bunch of people standing out in the rain.
You didn’t look very good, you were dirty and you smelled like you haven’t
bathed in a long time. Phew….
Seeing you, reminded me of the many, many times I stood out in the
pouring rain just to be with you. You were pretty clever, I’ll give you that.
You always told me, promised me in fact, if I came outside with
you, I’d feel better. That is always what you said. Why did you lie to
me. Even when I wasn’t feeling good and had a deep, deep cough from
another round of bronchitis, you still told me to come outside and smoke, and I
would. You knew having a cigarette would worsen my bronchitis but you didn’t
care. You took all my money, you were relentless, day after day, you
demanded more. You took my dignity, my pride and you controlled what I did
every 20 minutes of every hour, even when I didn’t want to be with you.
Finally, you took the ultimate from me, you took away my freedom of choice.
Today, I don’t need you. I’ve told you not to contact me in any way but
for some reason, you think you can have me back. Sorry nicotine, you can not
have me back.
I’m now married to a new guy, his name is Quit. He’s a
great guy and all he wants for me is to be healthy. I really like this guy.
So please nicotine, leave me alone. Stop tapping me on the shoulder,
stop whispering in my ear, go away, You are no longer welcome in my life.
Signed, Done with you.
