This past week it seemed to be one thing after another. With that, came some stress and some stress I put on myself as well. I had the "innner voices" talking to me plus good old Nic rears his head too course, it's always at these times that he does but it got to the point where I could smell a cigarette. (when it smelled good) It seemed so real and i wasn't dreaming as in a sleep either. The next thought was, i could take a hit from my sons cigarette. OMG i knew i was in trouble if i didn't stop these thoughts. I practiced what i preached here on Ex and i kicked those thoughts to the curb!!!!! I am over 2 yrs into my quit but there is an addict that lives within me too. There will be times when we can be vulnerable. My guard, your guard has to always be up!!
I came across this excerpt this morning and knew it was fitting. Sorry for a long blog but I believe it's something the WE ALL need to hear!!!
What You Think about, You Bring about (an excerpt) Regina Brett
I love the bumper sticker that reads: DON'T BELIEVE EVERYTHING YOU THINK.
Oh, the nonsense my brain can conjure up. The fears. The resentments. The dramas. It's like a movie theater that plays the worst B movies some days.
My friend Aaron, who is a recovering alcoholic, said something profound once: "My brain is trying to kill me." I laughed, but realized it was true for me, too.
Imagine if you could record all those thoughts and play them back. I wouldn't stay friends with someone who was that negative and critical of me. Or as another friend in recovery said, "I need to evict those people who live rent-free in my head." Once you evict those thoughts, you can invite new ones in.
Wouldn't it be amazing to actually see your own thoughts from a distance? I love that device in the Harry Potter books where you can download what's in your brain and see the cloudy haze of thoughts and memories that clutter your mind. It's called the pensieve and looks like a large, shallow, stone bowl. The fictional device allows one to extract their memories or excess thoughts and review them later on from third-person view and actually see the various patterns, links, and habits of thought that clutter the mind or that free it.
Usually the thoughts that bombard me are various forms of self-doubt. Who doesn't feel like a loser on the inside? Apparently a lot of us do. I once read a Wall Street Journal article that talked about the caustic commentary that runs through our heads. The headline grabbed me: "Silencing the Voice That Says You're a Fraud."
It turns out a lot of us play host to a parasite, an inner critic, a poorly behaved roommate. Even people who seem so successful on the outside, doctors, executives, and scholars, can have a constant companion in their heads that does battle and tells them they aren't good enough. . . .
My brain manufactures all kinds of nonsense. I'm missing an OFF button, but at least I'm learning to turn down the volume on self-criticism. I had to after I scored off the charts on a Wall Street Journal quiz to see how self-critical you are. On the Dysfunctional Attitude Scale, I scored in the "high level of self-criticism and perfectionism" category.
I constantly believe people will think less of me if I make a mistake, when chances are good they aren't even thinking about me. Then again, because I am a newspaper columnist, some readers leave rants on my voice mail and nasty blog comments if they disagree with me, so it isn't always easy to set aside the negative.
I've tried replacing the negative with the positive. I taped affirmations inside the medicine cabinet and read them in the morning. What really changed it for good was when I realized that my thoughts have the power to create my life. What kind of life do you want to create? A scary one? A friendly one? A joyful one? A sad one?
I often pause to ask myself, Do you want to be happy? Then I tell myself, Then let's think and act like it.
So how do you evict the inner critic?
The counselors I've seen over the years, the books I've read, and my friends in the recovery programs offer endless tips that have helped:
Keep a journal and log your thoughts. Go back and skim your writing weeks later to see what patterns hold you back. Then decide how to break the pattern with new thoughts and actions.
Practice releasing negative thoughts as soon as they come in and your recognize them as unhealthy. I found it helpful to carry an extra positive thought written down on an index card in my pocket to use as a "thought replacer." It's something to read and say to myself again and again whenever doubtful thoughts seem to take over. Thought in, thought out, thought replaced.
Focus your attention on how you can be of service to others. When in doubt, help someone else and get out of yourself.
Distract yourself from overthinking. Every time you catch yourself stuck in worry, say something that lightens you up and distracts you from the worry. Use a word that jolts you away from the negative, like banana split, sunflowers, vacation.
Allocate half an hour a day to overthinking. Set aside one specific time to do it and remind yourself the rest of the day, It's not that time right now, and out those thoughts aside.
At the end of every week, jot down small achievements, victories, and blessings to savor. It also has helped to use the advice of my friends in recovery. They constantly tell me to audit my thoughts, to not believe everything I think, but to question my thoughts and see if they're based on fact or fiction. I've learned to pause and ask myself: Is this thought a fact or is it a fiction I've conjured up that scares me?
Is there solid proof to back this up as a fact?
Does holding on to this thought enhance my life or diminish it?
Does thinking this way increase or decrease my chances of being more happy, joyous, and free?
Does thinking this way take me closer to the joy I want in my life or further away?
Pop. Pop. Pop. Pop. Those questions burst every thought bubble that comes to me. Laugh all you want, but give it a try.
I'm still working on remnants of the chronic "I'm not enough" message. One summer on the beach I prayed to be free of it once and for all. I looked to the horizon and asked, "When will I ever believe that I am enough? How will that ever heal?"
The answer came swift and loud enough to hear over the crashing waves: By helping others believe they are enough.
Bingo. Even my inner critic liked it.
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