Teenagers!!

[teauna]

My frustration is mounting with my 14 year old son. What happens to them? It's like overnight he went from being my respectable, listens to me, doesn't talk back, doesn't argue, does his school work, does his chores kid to arguing with me about everything I say, argues with me about doing his chores, argues with me about his school work, has actually blatently told me no several times when i have told him to do something. He is now on academic suspension due to an F in his Math class which means he is suspended from playing his last football game. I've tried talking to him and asking him if there is anything that is bothering him, worrying him, if he's struggling with this class and all I get is major attitude. I have had no disire to smoke..yet...but that is one way I have delt with stress. I spent extra time at the gym today trying to work out my frustation over this and then I remembered I could come here and vent. I tell you what, I feel better already just getting this out!~

[Jordan-11-1-12]

that's been the hardest part of quitting for me.... figuring out how to deal with stress. We know that it does not help... it actually makes it worse, physically and mentally because it ups anxiety, wakes up the nicotine receptors in our brains, and makes us feel like failures.   But, its an automatic urge when stress hits.

All we can do is say no to ourselves and focus on something else right away. During stressful times it is very important to take the break that we would have used to smoke. Instead of walking away and taking 10 minutes outside to smoke, we need to walk away and do something else. Sip ice water, pop a sugarless mint, consentrate on our breathing, do stretches..... the most important part is taking a break for the break's sake. The more times we do this, the more normal it will be for us to reach for something other than cigs.  I don't automatically think of smoking when stress hits now.  I automatically reach for a cold water bottle, a mint, and remove myself from people/situation to breathe and gather my thoughts, or calm my emotions. 

Great job protecting your quit by blogging!!!   Venting is needed and so helpful!!!

As for what happens to kids when they become teenagers..... I just raised 3 of them (my youngest turned 19 last month)  ..... try to remember that they can't help this anymore than they could help the terrible twos. It is the same principle. In order to become independant and their own person they must distance themselves from their parents.  It is scary for them, and painful for them, but necissary.     I found it very helpful, when I wanted to shake mine because their logic and negativity was just soooo off,  to think of it as brain damage.  Temporary insanity.  They have this brain damage, that will take until they are about 17-19 to recover from.  😃

[YoungAtHeart]

Someone once told me when I was raising my girls (I had two teenage girls less than 2 years apart!) that you can only enforce your top three (or so) priorities.  So - you need to decide what they are, and ignore everything else.  Easier said than done, I know, but it did help me not to be arguing with them nonstop.  I chose not to care about their rooms, or what they ate (THAT was a difficult one), and focused on the top three.

Maybe give that some thought?

Nancy

[marilyn_marmac]

First...I want you to reach around and pat yourself on the back! You came here instead of picking up a cig and that's something to be proud of.

As far as teenagers go...all I know is I'm glad my children and I survived their teen years!They are "finally" grown and turned into wonderful, amazing adults. Oh, and now that they have children....they understand.

[Michwoman]

Sounds like a rerun of when my son was 14!!  I was the be-all and end-all one day and then the stupedist person on earth the next.  Remember he is experiencing hormonal changes and feelings he doesn't quite know how to handle.  Compare it to how irrational us women can get during PMS or pregnancy.

My son is now 21 and he turned back into the sweetheart I remember and so will yours. And you will be a non-smoker he can be proud of!!

Good Job!

[ninepatch]

Boys!   Watch him closely and make sure his personality isn't changing too much to the negative side.  You might want to monitor his friends too.  Boys are wanting to become men and Mothers have the great privledge to raise great men.  Sounds like he is trying to be independent and grown up.  Well, with being grown up comes responsibilities, expenses etc.  I would enforce his chores and work ethics even if he gets upset. Talk to him and explain you want him to be a great man who inspires and reaches beyond himself to achieve that greatness.  Consistancy is something to instill in him.  He will grow into that huge attitude and someday be a great MAN!

Hang in there Mom.  You are doing great!

[Stac2]

proud of you for coming here and protecting your quit.  i don't have kids so hard for me to weigh in other than keep a very very close eye.  agree to keep close watch on his friends.  hopefully his coach knows about the F and cares about him.  i know sometimes grade slips can signal substance abuse so please be on alert.  not saying that to scare you, just be watchful. 

please stay close to us.  u r venting in very positive ways so do pat that back of yours.

i know that unfortunately i was very mean to my mom in my teen years and i regret it now.  we became best friends by the time i hit college.  14-17 was rough. 

hang in there.

[cyn9]

Hi T. I know what you mean. Mine bounces in and out of moods. I have resorted to reminding myself...That this too, shall pass.... I'm trying to be patiant. I know the teenage years are full of stress and hormones. Mine broke into tears the other night... Never found out why.. He was all smiles the next morning. I just keep reassureing him , that I am ALWAYS here to talk to, any time. Call me if you need to talk. Hugs!

[cory-3-10-13]

Hi Teauna! I used smoking to deal with stress too, but it is really empowering to realize that you can deal with whatever life has to offer WITHOUT smoking! I am learning this more and more as time goes on. My kids are still little, but just thinking about them being teenagers freaks me out a little! I was a rotten teenager and I know I've got payback coming my way eventually...oh well, not smoking over it! Have a fabulous smoke free day and congratulations on your freedom!♥

[emmysky]

My youngest turned 16 yesterday.  I have been living what you're describing for the past 3 years!  Luckily, he is still alive 😉

Stay strong on your quit, you're doing fabulous!  As for the kids, well, my dad always says "give them a hug, that'll teach 'em!".....maybe try it, it works on occassion 😄

[teauna]

Thank you everyone for the encouragement and advice....I will defintiely be attempting these suggestions. I am truely blessed that, for the time being, I don't have to worry about substance abuse with him and by the grace of God I won't have to in the future. We had another duke out last night about his grades and behavior in class. He has always been able to to talk with me and has started shutting me out. I know there is something deeper going on, I just pray I can figure it out.