Warning ! Read the small print !
Newcomer , elders , please do not read this if your quit is not strong today . There is a lot of “:just one “:content that can trigger smoking thoughts .
I am struggling today . I have never been secret that my quit is hard .It is still hard some days but by hard work or fluke or whatever you wanna call it I’ve gotten to eleven plus years . Grateful for that because I’m sure I wouldn’t be alive today . I want to be clear that it is very very few days I feel this way maybe once or twice a year and I have gotten through them .
I am back to basics today because all the old reasons to stay quit hold no value , no purpose . I want what I can’t have . A cigarette . A pack of them is my enemy right now and it’s stinkin thinkin and thinkin stinkin will not prevail because I won’t let it !
I am told sometimes I may hurt the newbies revealing the truth here but this journaling space is for us to work through our quits and for support , education and used in a way to help us through these stinking thoughts in hopes of helping ourselves and others stay quit .
My struggle
Is it better to go away and smoke and come back a year later saying I gave it away without reaching out .
Will it help anyway if I do post , I’m one hell bent bent person when I wanna smoke , always have been , because to tell me I can’t smoke or someone to tell me what not to do , brings back pts symptoms .
Is it better just to go do it and not say anything , this is mind games addiction talking or do I want my quit so bad yet that I’m willing to risk so much right now by posting but I so want to ignore the thought and smoke anyway . Just one . Just none
All I can say to the newbies and elders actually as well so hopefully not to trigger others today into stinkin thinkin too is I think what I’m going through at eleven plus years quit is extremely rare but not rare enough that it couldn’t happen to someone else , so this is why I decided to post it anyway post . Maybe one day you will remember me and not give in .Again posting this may actually lead me to smoking thoughts more actually than not but I have to take the risk it will help more than not .
Why do we put these things called on a pedestal sometimes ? I can’t speak for you , but I think we think we either think they will help us or hurt us . Both is stinkin thinkin .
I’m pretty sure I will be ok today , my anxiety is already less , eleven years is stupid to throw away and would regret doing so , but I’m going to have to work hard today . One tool is walking and distraction and being around people so I’m going to use those tools now and leave my worry and stress behind for a while and hope it will be here later or tomorrow lol when I can deal with it better .
I am going to remember that I do have control over my decision when I step out this door . I can’t smoke what I don’t have , buy , or borrow . I am also going to remember the warning that is put on every cigarette package just like I warned others not to read if their quit wasn’t strong today .
I am going to remember the members of Ex and if I decide to put one to my face I’m going to remember my decision produces results and I am going to ask myself what do I want the result to look like . An EX from EX or a smoker .
