I started smoking when I was 21 years old. I am now 37 years old. How did this happen you might ask? Well, it's really all quite silly if you ask me. I became addicted to cigarettes on a dare. Yes, you heard that correctly, a dare. Someone dared me that I would not smoke a cigarette and being young and stupid I simply could not turn down a dare.
I joined the millitary when I was 20 years old and that started me down a dark path. First it all began with drinking, then on to the smoking. I swore I would never smoke. I simply was not going to do it. I was an athlete for crying out loud. Track and field distance runner. Dance team. Volleyball. All that ended the day I took that dare. Alcoholism and smoking became my new way of life. Gone were my days of running that 1 mile in 6 min 26 secs. Gone was running that two mile in 15 min 46 secs. It was all gone. And every day since that fateful day I have kicked my self in the arse for being so stupid. But I guess I simply did not kick myself hard enough because it wasn't enough to get me to quit. My father was diagnosed with COPD and it wasn't enough to get me to quit. I always have a ready excuse about why now is not a good time. But when will now be a good time? 10 years from now when I look 60 at the age of 47? 20 years from now when I am diagnosed with the same disease as my father? When will I chose to stop killing myself and start living again? When am I going to step up to the plate and finally shout, "Today! Today! Today is the day I will be become an ex-smoker. Today is the day I chose to take back my life. Today!"
Well, my friends, today has arrived. Yes, I set my quit date 30 days ago and the day is finally upon me. I meant to use this week to mentally prepare myself for this moment and I didn't do it. And guess what I started doing this afternoon? Yes, you guessed it. I started making more excuses. What is one more day? I can start on Friday. Or maybe on Monday, you know start the week out fresh? OK let me buy this one last pack, but I will only smoke 5 tomorrow instead of 15. How am I going to do this? How am I going to get over this curse that has taken over my life? I do not feel as if I am strong enough to overcome it. Even now as I am writing this, I am thinking, "Eh, what's one more?" And the thing I just can't figure out is this, I was able to stop drinking. I was able to get control over that aspect of my life. Why is this so much harder? I do not take failure well and I am scared to death of failing again. I have tried to quit 4 times now. What if I fail yet again? Failure is not a word and/or action I am able to handle very well. I need to quit. It's no longer about quitting for my son, its about quitting for my health. I need to do this. I have to do this. But can I do this? This mountain seems insurmountable right now. Fingers crossed. Wish me luck. And pray like you have never prayed before. TODAY! Today I say NO to smoking!
