Support Groups and Success

[RoseH]

Good Morning, Everyone

This is for newcomers, who don’t know where to turn to, and feel alone, depressed and overwhelmed by life’s challenges and problems…  Never underestimate the power of a support group like this one!

I started smoking when I was 14 years old.  I remember that first “puff”, steeling a cigarette from an aunt, who I was staying with over the weekend…  I tip-toed into the bathroom with one of her cigarettes and lighter, early morning, when she was still sleeping…  “WOW”...  when I lit up it tasted terrible!  I threw it down the toilet and flushed it away…  However, most of us keep trying, because we are naïve’ about the destructive and addictive effects of Nicotine, until it is too late, and we are “hooked”!

There were no groups to support me.  We had commercials on our tiny little black and white TV screens showing us people like the “Marlboro Man” who was handsome, and sitting on a beautiful Stallion Horse, looking out at a beautiful mountain scene, smoking a cigarette…  There used to be lots of commercials on alcohol too!  Bourbon, Whiskey, Vodka, lots of different beers…

My point today is that BecomeanEx.com is literally, a “lifesaver”!

My wonderful husband, whom I love very much, is a highly functioning alcoholic.  I just joined Al-anon, which is for family members, who suffer from the effects of an alcoholic personality…  In just a few days, I am learning so much on how I can “let go” and not feel shame or guilt because of his daily drinking…

Back to Nicotine, which is an addictive drug.  If we smoke, we are Nicotine “addicts”, period.  If you feel overwhelmed and depressed, ask for help here!  Come here every day and participate.  Read posts and discover how others feel the same, as you do.  One day at a time, we can learn and support each other, and begin to change the things we can, within ourselves…

Quitting smoking is hard, at first.  The first thing I did for myself, was to realize that I needed help and then put effort into participating with the “elders” and I tried to learn everything I was able to, to begin my journey in becoming smoke-free…

Make a sound plan to quit smoking.  If you need help in forming one, ask how to do it!  Many of us can help you in the right direction!  In the beginning, it is best to keep it “one day at a time”!  Live just for today, and don’t worry about tomorrow…  If I can do it, after over 50 years of smoking, believe me, it is possible for you too!  I wish all of you a very happy and smoke free Monday, and let’s all keep our beautiful quits, ok?  Rosemary

[jschilling1]

Just found this website and am going to work this program.  I have to do it!  I'm 53 and terrified of the health effects of vaping.  I hate being a slave to the "stupid stick" as I call it.  I'm nervous but hopeful.  I have been taking Chantix and set a date for two weeks from today so I can fill my mind with the right things before I stop.

I have quit before and started up again and I need to quit for good.  I have smoked/vaped for 25 years and I want to get off this roller coaster of addiction, shame and self bashing.   I am in a 12-step program and have been abstinent for two years so I know that with God all things are possible, and am here because I need the support of a group who are either recovered or in the process of recovering.  As with my other addiction, once I take the LAST puff, I now KNOW that I can never take even the smallest hit again.  I must be DONE.

[LoriB1958]

Proud of you I sure hope I can do this.My first day without a cigarette. But I guess I am cheating because I am on low dose patch. I did not know nicotine causes cancer. My question is why it the patch approved.

[Cookie0192]

I'm new here and don't really know where to start. I've been taken off work by the doctor and he is checking me to see if I have heart trouble or maybe lung cancer. Scared and know I need to stop but don't know how...help

[jmpearson68]

I have a quit date coming up and there is no wY I can stop cold turkey.  I've tried everything from Chantix to patches and nothing helped. I started when I was 15 years old and I just can't seem to even cut back. I smoke from 1 1/2 to 2 packs a day. I suffer with severe anxiety,  depression and PTSD. The only thing the doctor gives me is Busperone which doesn't seem to help. I'm about ready to give up. Yall are my only hope.

[bennettjessica]

Reading this has definitely encouraged me to put my foot forward even more thank you Rose Mary. I live with my two Elderly parents and take care of them day to day and they both have smoked since they were children themselves. I myself being only 30, am trying to quit myself for health reasons so hoping only for the best and positive outcomes as well as for them too. 

[Treysisson]

This is all new to me. The stories feel similar. I started young because of a brother by sneaking his out of the house. I’m still young but it’s crazy how long it’s been smoking. I quit and turned to chew then eventually vape. Ive “quit” before but I never really do.. 

there’s a lot of shame that goes along with admitting you can’t quit. I hope to find some friends, people who understand. I need help and I don’t want to die an early death without seeing everything that is set before me. 

This is my cry for help. This is one of the moments I want to look back on and be proud of. No more shame. 

I am so proud of everyone on here who has quit and continue to seek support. I hope I can join y’all one day! 

[Tracycarson1]

Thank you.  It is hard to quit. I have smoked for 43 years and it seemed like I did it with everything I did. If I couldn't smoke I just wouldn't go.  Now I'm finding it hard to be alone. Seems like that is when I slip up. Everybody says stay busy. Well I do in home care and 10 hrs of that then coming home to my work I am to tired to keep busy.

[arwagner2019]

I have never joined a support group but everyone seems so encouraging and its  wonderful. I started smoking at 20, and im 29 now and pregnant. I know I need to stop. Mostly for my baby but also for my own health as well. I thought I could put it down no problem but im having a real hard time. I want to make sure my baby is as healthy as possible. I've never have had something have such a hold on me.

[Giulia]

Welcome to our quit family @arwagner2019   Yes, smoking does have a hold on us.  Because it's so much more than a "bad habit."  You'll learn that as you read on here.  It is support that enabled me to have this 15 year quit.  Support teaches us we're not alone, but also gives us the wisdom of the experiences of those who have "been there, done that."  There are some universal truths that we all experience when going through this quitting process.  Not every quit is the same, but a lot of the lessons are.  And it's those lessons understood (in our bones) that finally enable us to be smoke free for an extended period of time.  I would say "forever" but since this is such a powerful addiction, I hesitate to use that as a definitive.

Many have quit for the child within.  And many have returned to smoking when the child was without.  Quitting for your child is a beautiful thing to do.   But as you will read on here, there are those in their 50s  who can't breathe because they went back to smoking and now have a grown child that will miss them terribly.  So when you quit, you have to do that for yourself most of all, I think, for it to stick.  Doing it for someone else can certainly spur us on to quit.  But when maintaining that quit, we really have to understand and listen to that Best of us that knows - well, what's best FOR us.  You know?  Anyway, TMI I'm sure.  Just read on here.  Everything you can get your eyeballs on.  The more you know, the stronger you'll be along the journey.  Cheering you on.

[AVC2021]

Today is day 1 of Quitting and I am living one hour at a time. Using NRT lozenges every 2 hrs and chewing a plastic straw to keep my hands and mouth busy. I am just trying to make it through the day! Any encouragement anyone can offer? Help!  ...AVC2021

[Leapandsons]

I'm setting a goal of cold turkey by Sunday. 

[Barbscloud]

Welcome @Leapandsons and @AVC2021   Glad you joined us.  If you're interested, you can create a post under Journal or Support so we can get to know you.  The whole  community would love to support you on your journey.

Look forward to celebrating with you both.

Barb

[TonyaG-50]

I'm going to need a little more help. I'm  a  heart  patient,  so  I'm  very nervous all the time.  They have denied my surgery,  so you know my nerves are all over the place.  HELP

[Giulia]

Hello there what's your name @TonyaG-50   Welcome to our quit family.  Can you tell us what kind of extra help you might need as a heart patient?  They denied your surgery because.... I'm guessing - you smoke?  Yes, there are many doctors who won't perform surgery on smokers because - well, I'm not a doctor so I can only speak to the normal reasons that I'm aware of, the main one being that when we smoke we deprive ourselves, our cells, organs, etc. of oxygen, and in so doing make the healing process that much more difficult.  It puts us at more post-operative risk and problems.  Obviously any surgeon wants the best recovery options for their patients and smoking negates enough of that so that they refuse to operate.  Kind of tells you how important quitting is, right?  And they usually say you have to have quit for a month.  That's really a relative short period of time, if you think about it, for the body to be able to recover enough, strengthen its oxygen levels enough to undergo a major operation.  So if quitting can cause that much of a change in our bodies in a month...  Kind of tells you what a great impact it can have and the speed at which that occurs.  I had a dentist who told me 20 years ago he point blank won't do implants on any patient because smoking will just cause the implants to fall out, weaken the tissue.  And he didn't want to waste his time, nor the patient's time and money on an operation that would surely fail in too short a period.  I'm sure the same is true with your heart doc.  Why put you through all that if the outcome won't last long?

Yes- quitting makes us nervous.  So do heart problems.  And especially so does being turned down for a fix to those problems.  We're kind of caught between a rock and hard place.  At least that's how I imagine you must feel, right?  

May I say - if you quit (and I'm sure you can - if I could after 35 years of a pack and a half a day... you can too) it will move you on the path of getting your heart fixed.  And that's really the most important thing, right?  They are both scary scenarios,  I grant you.  But I would imagine the heart thing is the scariest.  You have to meet the quitting one, before you meet the other.  And I can tell you - the quitting one, though tough, is one of the most empowering experiences you'll ever have.  So go for it.  Read the material here in the Best of EX, read the material in the Relapse Prevention group.  Read and read and read.  It will help educate you as to this addiction, it will give you the necessary tools, and this group will support you along the way.  Welcome!  You're not alone.

[TonyaG-50]

Thank you for the quick response.  My name is Tonya Washington.  would say that is a good guess,  but that's not it. The day before I was set to go,  the Insurance said they would not pay for it.  We are going through appeal now.  I have a HMO through Medicaid.  They called it experimental surgery. My left mitral valve is doing its own thing. So, I'm prayerful.  God can do anything but fail. 

[Giulia]

Gee, Tonya, @TonyaG-50   goes to show where a lack of information can take one.  So, not because you smoke.  I get the **bleep**  prize for this guess.  (I cannot believe the word boooby as in boooby prize has been bleeped out by the Word Police.  Dear Lord!)  (Though the info on cigarette and oxygen depletion is still valid.)  And they told you that you were denied the day before?   Wow, that really stinks.  Hope you win the appeal.  And quit in the process.

[fligirl12A]

I’m a 44 year old mom was smoking at 13 years old been trying to quit it’s hard my Nerves controls me I get Nervous and my lungs hurt and just would love to have my lungs back one day as they should be 

[NewMe93]

Thanks so much for this post. Im listening to Easy Way, did Nicotine Anonymous groups and tried many things to quit. There's Alot on this site, I don't know what to read first and I gotta get used to coming here daily. I'm grateful for the help, site, and community. This post helped me relax and gave me hope.ive smoked 30years and I need a good start. Thanks for being here and helping us newcomers 🤗

[Giulia]

@fligirl12A  Sorry nobody responded to your post before now.  Looks like you haven't been active here since your last post.  Come back!  Read.  There's so much wonderful information within this community.  Look at the Best of EX material.   I smoked for 35+ years.  Lots of us did.  If we can quit, YOU can too.  If you want your lungs back, quitting is the first step in that direction.  There are many here who have anxiety and have conquered this addiction.  Type "anxiety" in the search box and you can read about others' who have the same fears as you.  You're not alone.  

@NewMe93   Looks like Rose (who wrote this blog) hasn't been active for at a least a month now.  So I'm chiming in here.  Welcome!  There IS a lot here on this site and within this community.  The first group I joined which helped get me free 15 years ago was a Nicotine Anonymous group.  I was not a 12 stepper (tend to march to my own beat), so left there, but met many good people.  And eventually I ended up here in 2008 right after the site was created.  

I smoked for 35 years or so and it is only due to support that I managed to beat this beast.  I suggest, if you want to introduce yourself to the community at large that you put up a conversation/blog.  On the Main Community Page hover over Conversations, then click on Journals/Blogs on the drop-down box.  Then on the right side on the Journal Dashboard click on "start a journal/blog."  There are MANY here who will chime in once they see you.  And - it doesn't matter what you read first.  Just read.  That's how we get our education about this addiction.  Welcome.  

[NewMe93]

Thanks so much @Giulia for the guidance and for taking the time 😊

[Giulia]

🌝  my pleasure @NewMe93 

[dawlyndantko]

Your testimony is very encouraging and hopeful. Been trying to quit for months now... and keep throwing them out and going to buy another pack within 12 hrs or so.... so depressing and feel like such a failure..I am a 56 yr old grandma raising her 13yr grandson and have recently been told my lung function is at 36 percent. Yes I have copd. What is wrong with me.... 

[Giulia]

@dawlyndantko   You're not a failure.  You're just addicted to cigarettes.  As we all are/were.  And the only thing that's "wrong with you" is that you haven't yet educated yourself about this addiction and how to throw (heave) it off your shoulders.  

So, do you have a plan?  A routine you intend to follow?  One of the things I learned from joining a quit site was how to "plan" for quitting.  What the pitfalls are.  What the requirements are.  We can't just say "OK, I'm done!  Here I am throwing out my pack!  See?"  That means nothing.  Except it means you want to quit.  And that's good.   But intentions have to be followed up by concise plans.  

You say you've been trying to quit for months now.  What, exactly, have you been doing to enable that quit?  Quitting is a Skill that CAN be Learned   So many times I said to myself "Tomorrow I'm gonna quit.  Tonight is my last cigarette!"  And tomorrow came and halfway through the day I caved and went out and bought a pack.  You can't quit that way  It doesn't work.  And I speak from experience. That's just wishful thinking and a momentary burst of CAN DO!  The "Can Do" has to be more than just a momentary emotional fling.

Overcoming an addiction (and make no mistake, this IS an addiction - else why would you need to go out in the middle of the night, or a downpour, or in freezing temperatures to buy that pack or smoke that cigarette) - overcoming an addiction takes work.  The long-term quitters here have put in the study time, have made the ultimate commitment of NOPE.  They have taken the option to smoke off the table.  They have made quitting their priority in life.  If you're willing to do that too, you can succeed at this.  Otherwise I fear you're going to end up in "trying to quit" mode forever.  And that's definitely not a happy place to be.

Quitting will help your lung function.  And there are exercises you can do to increase that function.  That 13 year old needs you.  Pull him into your new regime.  Get him to be your booster.  Tell him Grandma needs help.  Let him be a part of your quitting story... just throwing out ideas here.  This quitting process can open your eyes and world to so much.  IF you open your mind and heart to taking it in that way.  It can so empower you.  I don't know how else to put it.  Just - GO FOR IT!  

[Quitterbridget]

Amen!!  God bless you for your positivity and support!  I have the support of my husband to quit but as a non smoking individual he doesn't understand it fully and gets frustrated when I have tried and failed to many times to count. 

[dawlyndantko]

Thankyou Giulio,You are right!! I have been in that quit mode far too long... and its time to make not smoking a priorty in my life.. N.O.P.E. Yes I have a quit smoking plan ,and even have a notebook binder with everything in it.My Goal Sticky notes are all made out as well. And I do not smoke in the home anymore,cleaned my bedroom yesterday, that was the room I did smoke in,I haven't slept in there in about 4 mos.now Recliner in living room is my new bed unfortunately... And I have asked my 13 yr old grandson to help grandma ,and he is very willing to help,last Sunday and Monday we finally got our veggie gardens planted...almost ran out of time to plant for fall harvest.We have never had a veggie garden before and I know it will keep both of us busy as well as good bonding time too! And Wed and Thursday went to two different parks .Something we didnt do last year due to the pandemic.. So I have my plans.... I just have to commit to quiting as you said.. Thankyou so much for your reply and encouragment.Its great to know someone out there understands my struggle and is here to help.I really need this support group. Its a wonderful blessing to us all.

[Krube22]

Great job with Alanon. I’m sober 11 years but using nicotine non stop since age 13 and I’m 54 and vaped nicotine the last 7 years. 07/28/2021 is my quit date. Thanks for your service. 

[Giulia]

@Quitterbridget   Yes, people who have never smoked and experienced this addiction, for all their support, can't feel what we feel.  It IS frustrating if you love someone when that person keeps failing - I don't really like that word - shall we rather say  keeps doing the same thing over and over again"  We so much want them to succeed and don't understand WHY they can't.  But the point is, ultimately, to just keep working at it until you do.

@dawlyndantko   Planting and harvesting and tending gardens is such a soul-nourishment.  Seeing those sprouts come up out of the ground is always THRILLING to me.  Think of your quit that way.  Together we plant the seeds.  And watching quits grow is also thrilling.  We Elders are as excited seeing your success as you eventually are.  It's just hard in the beginning to feel it as a newbie.  Look toward the milestones, the little moments when you don't think about a cigarette or a vape.  Those moments tell you you're winning.  And they increase along the way.

@Krube22  Kudos on your sobriety.  A lot of us smoked for many years.  I did for over 35 years and at the age of 57 finally "got it."  Support was the Key that unlocked the quit door for me.  Stick around.  Read.  The more time we spend in reinforcing gung-ho attitudes within ourselves, the more likely we are to stick with it.  Charge on!

[Pstaff2021]

I've smoked since I was 17. I'm 65 now and it's hard to fathom quitting.  I've switched to ecigs and no longer cough.

I thought this was a safe alternative, however the ecigs are expensive and have been told by doctor that ecigs are actually more harmful to my health.

It's hard to imagine my life without nicotine 

[Pstaff2021]

I have an evil in my hand and mouth every minute while I'm awake. I realize that this is a physical habit as well as nicotine addiction. I'm scared to quit

[Quitterbridget]

@Pstaff2021 I'm newer to this forum too.   I tried to start taking chantix last week and it went very poorly had head aches and horrible nausea plus it's now been recalled.  I stopped taking it with in a few days.   I feel for myself the addiction of the actual act is the hardest part for myself as I've slipped and find myself not even trying.   There are a lot of post on here and other places for support but breaking the cycle and deciding for ourselves seems to be the key.  Actually really making the decision in our heads this is entirely enough and I want to stop for whatever reason (there are tons... health, money, time, etc)  

Your post for some reason hit me and makes me want to try again and understand the actual act is what hinders myself even more than the addiction of the chemicals.

I pray you find strength and a plan that works for you.  

[dj2quit]

I smoked a pack and a half daily for 20+ years. I quit twice for 7 years, but returned. The last time I went back, I’ve been bouncing… smoke / nicotine for a year, then quit for a year.

I'm trying again. Hopefully for good. The hardest is after I have a couple of beers. Literally, two! I have two a day. 

[Quit-now67]

Thanks for your uplifting statments

[Barbscloud]

@dj2quit @Quitterbridget & @Pstaff2021   How are the three of you doing?   Are you still working on your quits?  We're here to help.

Barb

[rickythomas1973]

awsome

[MelJackson]

"However, most of us keep trying, because we are naïve’ about the destructive and addictive effects of Nicotine, until it is too late, and we are “hooked”!" 

Unfortunate, but true. This really  got to me. That's  how it began for me as well. 

[DragonSlayer10]

I couldn’t agree with you more and I can relate to some of the things that you were saying because I did the same thing but I never ever ever thought it would be this hard to quit because I hated the taste 👅 it was started for me by peer pressure but I did the same thing I took my cigarettes 🚬 from my mom and bought them for her too for 50 cents a pack when kids could buy cigarettes 🚬 for their parents and that’s before they went to a written note 📝 from the parents to get them so it’s been bad at all different times and inconvenient as well !!!!! ☯️💃🏻🤞👍🖐👊🤜🤛🙌👋🙏👣😬😥🥺😓🤔😔😎😝😃😁😂🥰❤️♾🚭❣️🎶

[2021july28]

Thank you for your post. @DragonSlayer10  I have 9 days, well 8 now until my quit date. I have smoked for over 45 years. Have tried numerous times, even lasted 3 years one time. 

Reading posts like yours makes it seem like something I can do this time. This is it!!!

I am a quitter and long to be called an Ex!

Sharon

[mwilson0915]

Thank you so much for your story and inspiration.  I could relate to many things in your story.   I started at 14 as well and am finally quitting after a few health scares at 57.  I am going on 42 days and feel fantastic.  I am so grateful.   

[DragonSlayer10]

I and very very happy and glad what I wrote could help anyone and I am very very happy and glad and positive about it for you good luck 🍀👍 to all who read my post and it helped in anyway at all DrangonSlayer10

[Proudmemah]

Your so inspiring

[Lauralives]

Thanks Rose!  So glad to have come back to EX!!

Lauralives