Struggling

[katjac]

Today is day three for me.   To even want to get on here and blog this seems to be a struggle but I know I need to because  I need the support right now.  So here I am.  I have been struggling very hard today against my own mind. My mind wants the cigarette very bad but my soul tells it the reasons to not smoke.  At one point today the mind almost won. I had talked myself into it,  I could feels the surge of adrenaline and my hand started to sweat as I sat at my desk ready to get up and put my coat on and head for the door to smoke.  At the last moment I reached into my desk drawer and pulled out a piece of gum instead.  Wow I suprised myself as I repeated the words NOPE ( Not One Puff Ever).  I went to bed at 8:00pm and am now wide awake at 10:30pm.  I had again talked myself into almost smoking even as I am typing on my blog the thoughts are sooooo powerful my heart is beating very fast.  I just want to pull the covers over my head and sleep the cravings away.  I know that will not work because I cannot sleep.  I know day 1 and 2 were hard but did not expect day 3 to be even harder.  Just putting my thoughts out there.  Feel like I am battling a huge beast.