Stroke and Smoking

[austinali27]

I haven't been on here for awhile and I feel like I need to tell you why. 

I had a stroke on Tuesday.  It was a mini stroke but my neurologist said it is just a sign of bigger things to come.  I am not looking for sympathy, nor am I saying woe is me.  I guess why I really wanted to come out about this is because I want other people to know the signs and the symptoms.  I want people to realize that you can be a 27 year old and have a stroke.  I want people to wake up! 

I was working on Tuesday when it happened.  I didn't have pain, and I didn't feel like I was going to die.  Just all of a sudden I had a bad headache and my face went numb.  Then my arm went numb, followed by my leg on the way to the hospital.  Once in the hospital I had numerous tests which all came back negative.  The ER doctor sent me home just saying 'sometimes these things happen'.  I was not satisfied with this prognosis.  The next day I went to my doctor and she suggest Bell's Palsy but was concerned since I had arm and leg pain.  So we scheduled an MRI of my brain and my neck. 

My neurologist, Dr. Black (one of the top 5 in the country!) said I had a mini stroke when the results came back.  He didn't sugar coat it, he didn't try to make it better.  He said that we can prevent another one from happening and we had to because the chances of me surviving a recurrent stroke are not great. 

To tie in the smoking.  I am also going to be honest.  I have smoked almost 10 cigarettes since I found this out.  I can't really explain why I have done it other than I felt defeated and ready to give everything up, including my own life.  I know that feeling won't last long but right now I can't seem to shake it.  The left side of my face is completely paralyzed.  I can't talk, can't eat.  I would like to say smoking didn't make me feel better but we all know it did.  But we also know that smoking greatly increases your risk of having a stroke. 

I'm reaching out begging you to quit smoking if you haven't.  And giving you respect if you have.  I can't believe I am now able to say I am a stroke victim and I sincerly hope no one else will ever have to say that in their lifetime.  It's so hard for me to believe that this past weekend I was dressed as Audrey Hepburn living it up with my friends.  It's hard for me to believe that this weekend I finally found someone who was interested in me, after being single for 5 years.  This weekend I was celebrating my month not smoking, my 20 pounds lost and my happier, luckier self.  Just two days later I was lying in a hospital bed with half of my face paralyzed just looking for the strength to get up. 

I am trying to find my inspiration again...it is just pretty well hidden.

[Bonnie11.3.2009]

So sorry to hear of your stroke.  I read thru your blogs and suggest you do the same.  You quit smoking after you found out you were a "walking heart attack", you were sufficiently motivated to quit for over a month.  Honestly, you must quit or you probably will face another worse outcome in the near future.  You can recover from this stroke, it is possible.  you know what you need to do and you've come back to the place that can help you.  Get to whyquit.com and quitsmokingonline.com and read everything on hwc's page and stop romanticizing those cigarettes.  They do nothing for you except help to kill you.  Anything positive is an illusion or distorted thinking. 

Smoking gives you some dopamine for a bit, that's it.  You have to understand the brain chemistry and why you need to stay away from nicotine to heal.  It takes time for the receptors to be able to release dopamine for things other than nicotine.  Nicotine blocks them for 1-3 months.  So for awhile you have to do without that little rush of dopamine.  That's the chemical reality. 

You've had your shock and smoked your cigarettes, now get a hold of yourself and do the right thing, the best that you can do as you deserve your every last bit of effort right now.  Only you can do this for you, will you?

[JonesCarpeDiem]

we all know they helped?

NONSENSE

[rlb42]

I hope you get better soon and I am very sorry you had this happen to you.  On the other hand many of us face things and I can only answer for myself... that lovely little white thing did not help you or make you feel better.  It lied to you, it helped harm you a little more and made  you stink.  Not being rude but you know this already you are looking for support that you will find here but sympathy because you smoked well not so sure it is much of that here.  I truely hope you get better soon but not sure that will happen if you keep smoking because you think it makes you feel better.  If you cant do it alone please please get some kind of help.  You seem like a really sweet person and I hate to think of  what the smoking will continue to do to you if you dont stop. You know the people here are great and the advice they give is always good so please please get hooked on this place and put down the smokes.  Take care hope you feel better soon.

[austinali27]

I am so sorry guys if my blog seemed like I took the smoking I did this week lightly.  I don't think it actually helped and I know it did nothing but hurt.  I was just saying that for that second (because of the dopamine) I felt wonderful and I felt like all of my problems were escaping me. 

I don't want people to take this blog they wrong way and it seems to me like everyone is.  I am not smoking anymore, nor do I feel I picked it back up.  Yah it was stupid of me to use it as a crutch when I was just scared.  There are a billion different things I could have used to get me through this but I REALLY thought since we are all ex smokers that it would be understood..not condoned.  Maybe I'm wrong. 

And the inspiration I'm looking for is not to keep me not smoking.  I got that enough with the walking heart attack and the stroke.  The inspiration I'm looking for will hopefully make it easier for me to get out of bed every morning and go out into public with a paralyzed face. 

And the whole point of the blog was to let people know that stroke can happen to 20 somethings.  I never realized it could to be honest.  It's scary but at least now if anyone has questions about it I can try and help. 

I do feel the negativity in the responses to this blog and I don't want to start any bickering but I don't appreciate them.  We all have had things happen to us in our lives, and we all have things currently happening.  But when I said I don't want sympathy or any 'woe is me', I meant it.  And you don't know me at all but if you did you would realize I have always picked helping others over being helped myself.

thank you

[quitter39]

I guess I can understand how you think smoking made you feel better, just for a little while, as long as you know in your heart, that it is only hurting.  And you do know that.  Now you just have to restart that quit and take it one day at time.  You made a month before, you can do it again.  A friend of mine just had a stroke on Monday, and is still in the hospital.  He is 53, and a smoker.  He had to have heart valve surgery, and should make a full recovery. 

Take care of yourself, we are here to help.  Even if some of the comments sound mean, they are just meant to help keep you headed in the right direction. 

[Breakinchains]

You are scared. This is understandable. You should be. I had a small stroke, otherwise known as a TIA, in March of 09, I have been smoke free since. I did not suffer any permanent damage, I was lucky. But I have no intention of going through that again. My stroke was a wake up call. For me, that was God's way of telling me, my optioins were to quit smoking or die. It would seem you are in the same situation. You have the most powerful motivation to quit in the world. Yes, strokes can happen to twenty somethings. You're right, I don't know you. But I do know something about what you've been through. I'm not worried about you, your experience has made you a stronger person. This is not sugar coated. This is your reality. The next one may kill you. Quit, get on the right medications, and live! It's not too late for you, you can still live a meaningful life. You can still influence others. Because of your experience, you have a POWERFUL voice. You know how many other twenty somethings are out there, still puffing away. You can help them with your story. I have tried to tell so many young people about the dangers of smoking, but they look at me and say "well of course that happened to you, you're older." At your age, you would have a much more powerful impact on these young people. Stay positive, stay strong.

[laurie37]

Hi Ali, Thank-you for the heads up! That is really scary!!!!! I am so sorry that happened to you right when life was going so well!!! But you can get it back sweetie! What about the nice man that was interested in you? He'll still be interested when you're better. And you already said you weren't smoking anymore. You are in my prayers.

{{{HUGS}}}

Laurie

[Bonnie11.3.2009]

When you said you were trying to find your inspiration again, I assumed you meant the inspiration to quit smoking again.  If you're referring to the inspiration to live, well that may be beyond our expertise here on this site.  We can help with quitting smoking, but if you're feeling desperately depressed you need to see a psychiatrist.  Your situation is somehting that will need to be dealt with for some time in the future, there isn't a quick fix.  So seek professional help for the depression so you can be sucessful quitting smoking and getting your happy life back. 

We do care about you and want you to care enough about yourself to do what you need to do to save your life right now.  We'll be here for you to listen and guide you to stay quit, but get the professional help you need in the 3D world as well.

Take Care and keep blogging and letting us know how you're doing.

[vandiwa]

Don't forget that you deserve to be happy - keep fighting for it.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

As a person with Copd - a degenerative smoke related illness for which there is NO CURE - I can tell you that focusing on what is lost and no longer available doesn't help a bit! I KNOW that by quitting smoking I have been blessed with knowing the Addiction FREE ME that was under that smoke cloud all those years!!!! There are many adjustments I have to make in my life because of my illness but my illness doesn't DEFINE me! I have so much more to offer the people in my life than just that! Folks accomodate and I accomodate but LIFE -ABUNDANT RICH WONDERFUL JOYFUL LIFE goes on!!!! Better than ever because I'm not living for my addiction! You can change your PERSPECTIVE! You can move beyond your moment! All this Break and Kellie and others here have taught me right here! Thanks for the warning - hopefully you'll become comfortable with your new reality! CHERISH the HEALTH and HAPPINESS that you DO have!!!!!

[maggie_8-1-2010]

I am so sorry to hear about your stroke. And yes - at such a tender age. Still, you';ve made it thru and are here to tell your story!  Are you having permenent damage or will your face, arm and leg get back to "normal?"  I'm with Laura - what about the nice man - has he stuck around?  I'm wishing you all the best and sending up positive thought and orayers for your recovery and continued successful quit. ((Hugs))

Maggie

[butt-kicker]

I am sending you warm thoughts, and I hope you find the healing you need from the inside out. It is so unselfish of you to share your experience here, ,,,many would be ashamed or full of anger at the whole world.

I recently messed up a great quit and would have celebrated a year at the end of this month if I wasn't so stupid. I do hear ya,,we don't need to be judged by people who are suffering from the same addiction and are just in a different place than we are. We come and gather here for the camaraderie and sharing of all good and BAD, and we all take what we need from each others experience.

Again, I will pray for your healing and hope that you find the things you need here on this site. It really is full of so much that is good!

All the Best!

Love & Hugs!

Diane

[Sootie]

Ali---if you are ready to quit then you are ready to live. If you are seriously having trouble with depression over these events---see a professional---no, I'm not being negative...depression is real and can spiral down. As bonnie said---we aren't experts on inspiration to live. So see someone OK--'cause we care about you.

Having said that---you are the same age as my own daughter and here is what I would say to her over the questions you are asking---Yes, a paralyzed face isn't something we are hoping for---but your REAL friends won't see it. The "public" may stare---but anyone who gets to know you will see you---not the face. You are young and may not believe that---but it is true.  Pick yourself up---be glad you did not lose God's greatest gift to us and go on out there into that world and take it on. Stay in touch with us because we do care about everyone on here.

[elle10]

Don't be so hard on yourself, it's ok you went thru alot, now is the time to rest and regroup, you know you have the inner strength so keep fighting for what you know you want.  I'll say a prayer, lots of luck.