Stress and triggers

[lee102]

Ok so I know what I should avoid to keep myself from relapsing. However what happens when suddenly life throws a curve ball at you? I had a major craving lastnight and if it wasn't for a friend by my side I think I would have cracked. I know, it sounds lame.....but what do I do when I feel out of control?? Lemme break it down. My son's father and I have been seperated for almost 5 years now. He lives in another town with his girlfriend for the 3 years i believe. I understand that they have lived together from day 1 when they met. My son came home from a visit saying that they are getting married. He said that dad asked her w a ring etc.... I do not have dealings with the girlfriend at all because of how she treats my son and the obsene things she says to him. 

So I'm trying to come to grips with this because they're relationship has been on the rocks for the past year. I completely understand it's none of my business or concern what my son's father does.....however that curve ball really hit me. BUT I did not have a cigarette. 

All the triggers and stresses right now seem like its way too much for me to handle. Any advice?

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Ask yourself how a nonsmoker (which you are!) handles stuff! As the bumper sticker says, Stuff Happens!

Some folks pray and/or mediate

Some folks seek counseling

Some folks cry their eyes out on a Friend's shoulder

Some folks throw darts at a target

Some folks go to the gym and work out like mad

There are lots of options!

Smoking isn't one of them!

There is never, ever an EXcuse good enough to smoke! N.O.P.E.!

I got laid off at the height of the recession when I was 52 years old! I did not pick up a sickerette. I did find another job only 3 weeks later. I still work there coming up on 5 Years in July!

Find another way!

[lee102]

Thanks Thomas!! I appreciate it and congrats on 5 years!!! I was just wondering how to handle these hurdles. 

[sparky26]

Ugh , Lee I just wrote a big long comment and it didn't post. 

[sparky26]

Bottom line is ,we all have these unexpected events in our life , in our old life first thing we did was light up . Right ? So now you say how do I do this ?  You just ,do it , you well figure it out. 

Remember knowone , No  one ,  can make you smoke ,except you.  Don't let the EX or the girlfriend be a reason to go back. Smoking won't fix anything.

[YoungAtHeart]

Think, if you will, what people who have never smoked do when life gets stressful.  Maybe they go for a brisk walk, maybe they take slow, deep breaths (and count to 10 or however high it takes), maybe they eat some chocolate (or some ice cream). maybe they punch or yell into a pillow - maybe they yell (blank) you, (blank) you, (blank) you until they are exhausted?  All of these things work.

Smoking does not ONE thing to make anything better.  Think about it.  You got a brief hit of dopamine - but wasn't the stress still there?

Remember - there is never a good reason to smoke; there are only excuses.

Hang in there - it does get easier, and you will learn coping skills you never imagined that work much better than a "friend" who is killing you!

Nancy

[JonesCarpeDiem]

i wouldn't attend and i wouldn't smoke over it

[marilyn_marmac]

There will always be stress in life so you have to learn a way to deal with it.  For me, humor usually helps and a little nudge to remind me of how things were, when it comes to matters of the heart, often help.  I hope you find my brand of "getting over and past it " helpful.

You are welcome to print them on big signs and post around the house and/or neighborhood.

 

[Storm.3.1.14]

Excellent advice here so far, and I bet more is on the way. So, what I'm going to suggest is that you PRACTICE these tips ASAP. Find a pillow and give it a GOOD scream. If it works, keep it. If not, sample something else, like jumping jacks in the living room. Practice stomping around the yard or dropping to your knees to pray. PRACTICE a number of tips - go on! - and get familiar with them so they feel natural the next time a blindside happens. Trust me on this.

[lee102]

Thank you all for the much needed advice! I appreciate very much. I know we all have our stressful moments and I realize there's more to come. I know lastnight I was taken by shock n surpirse but at least i didn't pick up. I know if I did I would feel horrible and disappointed in myself. I know nothing is worth me lighting up....and if i got through that I atleast learned I can get through something stresseful. Im going to take all your advice and practice these : D

Thank you all!

[djmurray]

You did a great job by not lighting up, you got through it.  And you know that smoking wouldn't make the situation for your son any better.  It wouldn't solve the issue with the girlfriend.  It wouldn't make any of the stressors go away.  It would just make you mad at yourself for smoking, maybe even mad at your ex and his girlfriend for "making" you smoke (which actually isn't possible, but your addicted brain might try to tell you that).  So you've learned a) you don't have to smoke in a stressful situation; b) you decided to quit when you actually were smoking, so nothing actually makes smoking so precious now. Every Crave-A-Ganza you get through teaches you more than it "hurts" you.  We're changing very old, ingrained  set of behaviors, and they aren't going to feel entirely comfortable in these early days.  But it is SO worth it. 

[lee102]

Yes I did learn I could get through a stressful situation. and today i feel a little more powerful over this addiction. stronger i should say.  and yes i would have been def angry if i chose to light up. thank you dj

[Giulia]

You don't NEED a cigarette to get you through emotional upsets.  You just THINK you do.  And every time you get through a major trigger without succumbing, you'll gain more power over the addiction.  None of what you have expressed is going to change if you smoke a cigarette, right?  You just imagine it's somehow going to give you a sense of peace and calm if you do.  If you read enough on here you will find two things:  one - that's the addiction talking; 2) smoking doesn't relieve anything except the need to smoke.  Don't believe the lies that Mr. Nico feeds you. 

And don't especially dwell in the "drama" of life.  It will only weaken you.