Still Trying to Conquer this Addiction

[paulaquit_8-23-13]

Today is day 53 of my quit.  I struggle less frequently with the craves but when they come they seem to last forever...hours, no matter what I do to busy myself or distract.  Twice, day 30 and day 45, I went to the store and bought a pack, lit up, took a few puffs, felt disappointed and disgusted with myself and threw the packs out.  Wishing they sold individual cigarettes so each lesson didn't cost me $8.00.  I don't know why I am so weak to this addiction because in all other areas of my life I am strong and able.  I am trying to focus on the fact that in 53 days I would have smoked 530 cigarettes that I have not smoked.  I read a blog today that said as a smoker you are just waiting and moving toward your next cigarette and now as a quitter you can sit..and just sit and enjoy.  I still feel I was more focused, organized and on task as a smoker...my addiction talking I know.  Going to try rereading material, prayer and meditation, relaxation.  Any advice or thoughts about if anyone else felt this way would be welcome....thanks for the support.

[SarahP]

Hi Paula,

First, stop smoking. Those "puffs" are starting the nicotine addiction/withdrawal cycle all over again. The only way to quit is to QUIT. Quitting is a process, there are steps to go through, and you are not letting yourself progress. 

Have you ever read the Allen Carr book? Here's a link to it: 

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

I wonder if you are thinking of smoking as something you miss, a loss, something you gave up. That might be part of the reason you can't seem to get past it. 

Smoking is an abusive relationship. You have to accept that, and turn your back on it. 

Don't give up Paula!  You deserve a smoke-free life! 

[whognu_1-2007]

LISTEN TO SARAH.

YOU ARE EITHER SMOKING OR YOU ARE NOT!

[whognu_1-2007]

if you hadn't smoked you would have been in no mans land. now that you've fed the nicotine receptors in your brain, it's like starting over to them

[YoungAtHeart]

The only reason you believe you were more focused, etc. when you smoked was because of the see-saw the nicotine kept you on.  When you smoked, the receptors in your  were happy and you got a little rush of dopamine.  Almost as soon as you finished it, though, the receptors wanted that fix again and started making you feel antsy.  And the cycle started all over again.  You believed you were more relaxed and focused simply because the receptors were happy for the moment.

When you quit smoking, over time (remember this is a journey, not an event), the receptors gradually die off and quit yelling....and you will feel relaxed and focused ALL the time!!!!  That's what I was writing about earlier that I think you read!

But - those "little puffs" that you keep getting put you back to square one - EVERY time.  So - quit that!!!  It is making it more difficult for you.  Think of the journey like a bad case of the flu - you will be kinda miserable for three weeks - but each day it gets a bit easier.  As time passes, it continues to get easier.

You CAN do this!

Nancy

[Giulia]

Don't wish they'd sell individual cigarettes for then you'd only be more likely to smoke them more often then you are now.  At least that $8  pack makes you think about what you're doing a lot more.  The only cure for this addiction is time.  And you're not allowing yourself  to experience that when you keep inhaling nicotine and all it's attendant chemicals.  As everyone said above, you're keeping the nicotine receptors alive and well and that's one of the reasons it's still so hard after 53 days.  You have to spend enough time AWAY from your old smoking self to adjust to the new you.  We're not used to it and it's strange and uncomfortable as first.  But with each smokefree day, each smokefree week and month, we begin to forget about the smoker we were and embrace the freedom of the non-smoker we are becoming.  Play mommy and tell your inner child "You are not allowed to smoke.  Period."  The feellng of being "organized, focused and on task" will return.  You task is to hang in there long enough until they do.  You won't be successful at this until you adhere to the NOPE Doctrine.  So DO! 

[rizza]

Hi Paula! 

I don't know you but you can do this. 30 days without smoking is huge, so you have shown yourself that you can do it. Just keep doing what you did before you took the puff. 

I wish cigarettes were 80 dollars , no 800, wait 8000 dollars a pack! Or better yet, I wish thye didnt make them at all. 🙂

You know that you can do  this!

[paulaquit_8-23-13]

Thanks for the thoughts.  I have read the book and plan on rereading it, and I appreciated some of the advice and comments.  I am still very proud of my success on the journey I am on, trying to take one day at a time and learn and grow.  Not sure some of the comments were helpful, some seem more critical.  I am in a way better place today then I was 53 days ago and that is not negated by the fact that I struggled twice.  Nicotine is out of your system in 3 days and I agree the set backs have made it harder for me but I was simply looking for someone who might have been able to say yes I struggled like that too.  I am not sure this site is for me but it did help me by referencing things to read so for that I am thankful.  Wishing you all much success and happiness in your smokefree lives.  Rizza, I agree I wish cigarettes were not made at all but given the fact that they are I will learn to live without them:)