Sorry :(

[mama2seven]

I let a lot of people down, but most of all - myself.  Yesterday was day 11 of my quit - and I slipped 😞  As much as I'd love to blame my husband for telling me again and again "Just one won't hurt", I know I only have myself to blame.  Of course that "one" turned into 4 more.   I wanted to pretend it never happened and just go on with  my quit watching the 'double-digit' days keep adding up.  But that wouldn't benefit me or anyone else.  So I've reset my clock.  Man that was hard to do!

I am back on track with my quit and will continue to push as hard as I can for it and then some.  I'm not looking for anyone to tell me "It's OK" that I failed, because it's not ok.  I beat myself up for it pretty bad yesterday, but that's not going to help either.  So all I can do is recommit myself to this new quit and strive to succeed and really work on this 'mind over matter' thing.   I HATE cigarettes, I hate them for amount of control they have over my body and mind,  I hate them for the stains and smell that they leave and I hate them for taking me away from the important things in life.

I again feel like I've wasted the time and energy of so many that commented and encouraged me daily.  For that I am sorry.  One way or another, I WILL succeed at quitting whether it takes 5 tries or 50.  One day I will be here on this blog celebrating 100 days, a year, and so on. 

I'm unsure yet if I will blog this week or not.  My blog is such an up and down roller coaster already as it is.  I know that I will come back to it and read my previous posts and comments that have been left often because the comments are so encouraging. 

[Live4thedash]

Just need to climb back on board the change train and learn from falling off so you'll be better prepared at the next turn.

Keep up the good work!  Stay vigilant and eventually the addict within dies off.

NOPE & NEF!

[doer]

Yep, that sucks.

So you reset your quit clock, that's good, that's real good.

Look, you know you can do it for 11 days, you can damn sure do it for 1 day.

IT WILL NOT FREAKIN' BEAT ME!!!

NOT TODAY!

PERIOD.

YOU CAN DO THIS MAMMA!!!

[onvacation]

Hey yea it sucks, but good that you are starting right back.

You are stronger than you think

[kate8]

Absolutely each time you fail, its harder to get that next 72 hrs. back. I know, this is my 4th an finale quit. I don't think I could put those I love or myself through it again. On the good hand, yay jumping back on. Now your more educated.....

[comfortablynumb]

I can say that you always seem to do what is right in the end. Hope things get easier for you!

Peace, Lisa

[mama2seven]

Thanks everyone.  And yes I totally agree it gets harder with each quit.  I definitely don't want it to take several quits, but I will not stop quitting until I suceed!!  Which WILL be this time.  I figure one of the times i say that it will come true lol.

Really though I am adapting a new attitude towards all this.  I know what my weaknesses are and the main is my own mind, the instant it gets some "down time" it goes into 'Grab a cig' mode and I need to learn to shut that off or create a distraction.  It sucks that this is now my.....4th attempt I believe?  But at the same time I have learned more and more with each setback and that will only make me more likely to succeed.

[michelle95]

I read an article by a man that quit after 15 tries, 15!! This is my fourth try too. There are people in my life that looked at me with barely concealed skeptism when I told them I was quitting.  But I feel the same way that you do, I will continue to try until I get it right. I truly hope and believe that this is that time (I'm on day 8!) but if it is not, I will get right back on the horse even if takes 20 times or 100. Skeptics be damned! 🙂 

You are not alone, we are all rooting for you!

[Sootie]

Don't wait---make this your day 1 again. I have seen too many people think they slipped because they didn't think about it enough---and they end up smoking for another year!!! Doesn't matter what your total of days is---once you put them down we are all non smokers.

[ladynicole]

You have a right to feel the way you feel. I felt the same way when I made my slip up.. and I slipped up several times... and now i am working on day number 20.. I know you can make it too..

[mama2seven]

I'm not waiting Sootie, today is my day 1 again 🙂  My slip was yesterday.  

Maybe that's part of my problem, focusing too much on the number of days......it's like watching a pot of water waiting to boil.  The more you watch it, the longer time seems to drag on which then leads to frustration because it doesn't go fast enough.

[empathy]

Boy do I agree with Smokedout because I have been there. This never quit qitting idea amost got me dead from still smoking. You know the slow painful death that hurts the ones we love the most. You & I & all the others tonight can commit together  but you have to lead your way. Ask for help when you need it  -  before you smoke. I promise this bunch will fall all over themselves to get there for you.  You are no different from anyone here. You will do it when you make your mind up to do so. If GOD gives you the time you need. Make it tonight. We are here.    Tammy

[rkden]

Sorry for what ? I still have to work tommorow, still have bills to pay, and I still freakin smoke. I only went 43 hrs. and have not yet reset . You did. There is nothing anyone can say that can make you feel any worse for loosing your quit. Get those damn carseats lined up, keep blogging and show how much better you'll this time!!!!  KEEP INSPIRING !!!!!!!   

[mama2seven]

Thanks Angie.  My husband..............oh what a complicated man.   He doesn't read here, he's not very good on the computer and when he does get on it's only to play facebook games, beyond that he wouldn't know where to start.  I talked to him tonight and told him how badly I want to succeed at this quit and why, and how much I NEED him to back me up.  He's not really the type to offer encouraging words - not because he's a bad guy but because I don't believe he truly knows how to.  It's like he closes up when he see's me struggling, like he's scared and doesn't know what to do/how to help.  Like my labors for example, he was there, held my hand through it all, but never said but more than 2 words (which is why I hired a doula lol).  Even after I told him Exactly what I needed from him (just simple 'you can do it' and 'you're doing a great job') he still couldn't bring himself to do it.  I don't know if he was embarassed to or just too scared or what.  So I don't believe he's really trying to sabotage my quit on purpose, I think with him - he see's me struggling with my cravings, and thinks that if he tells me it's ok to have "just one" that it will make me feel better.   He hasn't read up on quitting so he doesn't know realize how devastating "just one" is.

So anyway............this got long winded lol .......... I told him if he wants to quit that's his choice, I hope he does but I won't push him to, he has to want it himself.  But what *I* need is for him to 1.  Not ask me to smoke or ask me to be around him while he smokes.  2.  Not tell me it's ok to slip/fail 3.  Not buy me any cigarettes or ask me if I want any.   In other words - help me by not trying to help me lol.

[mama2seven]

lol rkden - car seats are in but just because tomorrow (well i guess today now) is Tuesday and that's the wonderful day that I get to do all my grocery shopping and errand running.  But I will not be making any cigarette stops and the car seats will be right back out when I get home.  I tell ya though - I'm really becoming an expert at getting those car seats in and out lol.  Not many days go by where I don't have to go somewhere with the kids at least once.

I tend to hold onto the past............I really need to snap out of that and accept that the past is just that..........the past.  Can't change it.    It's time to worry about the present and the future.   The things that I CAN do something about.