So over the weekend was my fiance's birthday which i blogged about a few days ago and mentioned my fear about saturday due to the fact it would be my first time out as a non smoker. While being at the bar the first hour and half was a killer! I was miserable. I wanted a cigarette so bad. Everyone we were hanging out with was going outside and smoking and there i sat. So i finally looked at my fiance because i couldnt take no more and said i am going outside for a cigeratted. He said whatever makes you happy but gave me this look of i am so disappointed. I went outside with everyone else and my one friend handed me a cigarette. Before i even had the lighter in my hand i held the cigarette and looked at and guilt hit me! My friend tried to hand me the lighter i shook my head no he then asked whats wrong. I said i cant light this. I have made it this far without a cigarette which saturday marked 8 days. I just cant light this cigarette i would not only be letting myself down but my fiance and other family members. As they all continued to smoke i stood there with the unlit cigarette. When they were all finished i handed it back and said i dont need these anymore. The rest of the night i was fine i did not crave or even want one. My fiance would go outside with all the smokers like we use to when i was a smoker and it didnt bother me to be around them it didnt make me want one or anything. But i am lying saying it didnt bother me i started to get a headache from the cigarette smoke. Which also lead me to the conclussion the reason i was getting so many migraines was probably due to me smoking. I am so happy and feel so much better now. So proud of myself because i had that chance to light up again and i said NO! 🙂
