Smoking urges and what has been working for me:

[jestersnow72]

It took me awhile to figure out what to do with myself when I get urges to smoke. I love to write so I tried writing when I get the urge. That helps a lot of the time but not always. There is something about being on the computer for long periods of time that makes me want to smoke. I have always taken breaks about every half hour or so and would go out to the garage, here at my grandma's, and smoke a cigarette. Tonight I went out there and ate two apples instead. While I was sitting there in my smoking chair eating apples I cleared my head and really thought about smoking. The urge passed and I came back inside. I know that might now work all of the time (I can only eat so many apples), but it got me through that craving. Tonight I had a craving and it dawned on me to get my easel out and all of my art supplies. Instead of smoking I started drawing. I was designing a poster that will remind me of all of the reasons I need and want to quit smoking, what my triggers are, and what I can do to get me through the rough patches. I may not always be in the drawing mood but it is sure to help me at times. I really don't know how to draw. I use to be able to when I was younger but I gave it up many years ago and started writing instead. I lost my talent along the way some place. I do love to dig into all of those art supplies though and pretend that I can create something with them. I know that sounds funny but it works for now. There is a website that I belong to when I can afford it called Drawing Tutorials Online. He shows you step by step how to draw. I haven't been able to afford that lately. There is always something coming up with my kids needing money or whatever else but it is only $20 per month. I am also working with Adobe Photoshop, Illustrator, and Flash since I have been in college taking web design. There is enough to explore just in those three programs to last a lifetime. Another thing that seems to work for me is to just start saying the alphabet or counting in my head. If you are concentrating on thinking about something else the urge will pass before you know it. I know I have all of these ideas and I am good at coming up with ways to keep myself from smoking, but I am also not the strongest person in the world as far as having the will to do certain things. I take it one day at a time. Usually I have to take it 10 minutes at a time. Cigarettes are going to be on my mind for a very long time. I've had a love affair with cigarettes since I was 11 years old. I smoked 3-4 packs per day for 25 years. This last year I got down to 1 1/2 packs per day and I thought that was damn good considering. My doctor put me on Chantix about 1 1/2 months ago and that has worked wonders for me. Even though I haven't quit completely I cannot believe how well it has affected me. After the first week on Chantix I got down to 10 cigarettes or less per day. After three weeks I went down to around 5 per day. After 5 weeks I got down to 2-5 per day. And recently I had gotten down to 2 or less per day. It is gradually going away from me. I am gradually learning how to fight the urges. You have to undersatnd where I am coming from and just how hard this is for me. I suffer from severe mental illness. I am bipolar with psychotic episodes and I suffer from borderline personality disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder, paranoid personality disorder, severe social phobia, severe social anxiety, body dysmorphic disorder, and I am agoraphobic. I NEVER leave my house so there are only so many things I can do around here to fight the urges. My only choices are watching television, but that doesn't help much, writing (blogging/journal), writing letters to God, surfing the internet, doing school work (which makes me want to smoke when I need a break), eating, sleeping, and now, drawing (or trying to). Lets just say that life is not a bowl of cherries over here on my end. No one is riding my wave and I feel very disconnected to other human beings. I really have no one in my life but my kids. We live with my grandmother and she is driving us all crazy. She is a total bitch to my kids and I wind up going off because I am like a momma bear with her cubs. NO ONE messes with my kids. God, I get so furious with her. Honestly, I don't know how I have managed to control myself. I have serious anger and violet issues and I have managed to keep my cool so far. I just want to get out of here away from her and all of her nagging and bitching. She sounds like a cackling hen. I can't stand her and when she dies I will NOT be at her funeral. No one treats my kids that way and gets away with it. God will punish her for her dirty deeds. Anyway, enough of that matter. The problem that I am having is that I still have two kids to take care of and I only make under $800 per month on disability. There is no way I can get out of the house and go to work. My days of working are probably over unless they find some miracle medication to give me to get me out of this house. Here in Indiana normal rent for a two bedroom is around $500-$600 or more. I refuse to live in a bad neighborhood and I refuse to live somewhere that does not accept pets. I would die before I'd give up my boys (my cats). If anyone has any ideas on how I am suppose to live on my own with two kids on that amount of money shoot your ideas my way. I just do not see how I am going to make it. I get food stamps and Medicaid because I am on disability for severe mental illness, but I still do not make enough of disability to live on. I don't know what to do. I have been sober for 10 years and there are some days that I think about how much fun it was to get drunk and to not feel anything or worry about anything. I do think about it. However I really don't see myself doing it because God took the urges away from me. Please keep in mind that when I mention God, it is not to upset anyone. If you don't believe in him that is fine but I do very deeply and I have to talk about him. That is just who I am. I love God/Jesus Christ. There has been times that he was all I had in this world. There has been a lot of times that it was just me, myself, and I. I am pretty much that way now since I am agoraphobic. I have friends and my kids' friends come over and talk to me but I am really alone. Being alone doesn't bother me. I just don't know how I am ever going to be able to take care of myself. My daughter does the shopping. When they have appointments my friend takes them. I have given permission for him to take care of pretty much everything. When the school calls he is the one who goes and picks them up. He does pretty much everything. We have been relying on other people for three years now, since my fiance hung himself. When he killed himself while I was on the phone with him that changed me and my life forever. I have gone way down hill since then. I cried for a whole year after that, then I started dating a good friend of mine and he left me because he couldn't deal with my mental issues so I wound up in bed for two months and thought I was dying when he left. After that I started hanging out with who would become my best friend. His name was Duane and I loved him so much. I have never been able to talk to anyone like he and I talked. It was really strange considering that he was 22 and I was 38 at that time. He overdosed on morphine and died a year ago. Those three things have sent me into a downward spiral and I don't know how to come out of this huge black hole that I am suffocating in. It is a living hell some days. When I am mentally sick I get physically sick and wind up in bed for several days. When I get sick I wind up getting mentally sick as well. It is a never ending cycle. The reason I am telling you all of this is because when I finally quit smoking for good that will prove that anyone can quit. If I can quit anyone can quit. I have a lot of hurdles to jump. I take one step forward and two steps back all of the time, but I know that I will kick this habit sooner or later. I am working hard on quitting. I am doing everything I can with all of my limited resources to take my mind off of smoking. It is so funny that something as simple as counting in my head or saying the alphabet can take my mind off of smoking. I do that when I want to forget any thoughts I might have. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I'll take what I can get, though. Another thing I do when I get a craving is to tell myself to wait ten more minutes. Sometimes the craving passes and other times it doesn't but what works for that moment in time is what's important. Even though I am in the house all of the time, I have plenty to keep me busy, but I really really really miss those smoke breaks. I didn't like the fact that I had to go out to the garage to smoke when we came here, but after awhile it grew on me and turned into sort of a sanctuary for me. I would go out there and talk to God about everything I could think of and ask for his help with things that were bothering me. That was my time to clear my head and to be free from television, the computer, and everything else. That was my totally alone time. I miss that a LOT. Chantix really helps a lot though. For someone like me to not even think about cigarettes but a couple of times per day is really really good. Chantix has been a miracle pill for me. Even though I am still giving in to that morning cigarette, I am still doing very good. I'm sorry but I give myself a lot of credit for that. When I mess up and smoke I am not going to beat myself up over it. I've been smoking all of my life and it is a natural thing for me to do. Giving up something that I have had in my hand every 30 minutes for 25 years is very difficult. I am bound to mess up a few times before I get it right. Another thing that seems to work for me a lot is brushing my teeth and drinking a lot of ice water. There's something about keeping my mouth fresh and free of that cigarette smell that gives me some satisfaction. I also think a lot about what it is doing to my teeth. I have always had really good teeth. My teeth are really straight and, if it weren't for smoking, I would have a really nice smile. I haven't been to the dentist in two years. I have to save up the money to get a cleaning. Once I get that done I will feel so much better. Who wants to run out and smoke after they've had their teeth cleaned. I know every time I got mine cleaned I felt so bad about smoking that first cigarette. Anyway this is what I am dealing with and what has worked and hasn't worked for me so far. A cigarette free life is just around the bend for me. I hope everyone is doing well wil quitting or if you are planning on quitting. I sort of feel out of place on here alot because I have been left some negative comments that did not help me at all. I was told I was in denial and some other things. I am NOT in denial. I am working on quitting at my own pace. I got on this site to help me quit, not to make me feel bad about smoking. I am here for anyone who is really struggling with this. I know where you are coming from and maybe we can help each other. I know I don't want to do it alone. I need support and not negative comments. If you don't have anything nice to say to me please just walk away and don't say anything at all. No one is forcing you to read my blog so take it for what its worth. Have a great day everyone.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

I see so many positive steps in the right direction! I especially like the idea of drawing when you need to stay busy! Good for you for getting your supplies out! 

...speaking of supplies, just a question,O.K.? Don't get your guard up! Where are your smoking supplies coming from if you're agoraphobic? I ask because I went to very great lengths to keep those smokes away from me! I refused to go into any store that sold sickerettes for a whole Month! My Wife, God Bless Her!, had to put gasoline in my car! 

Are your children supporting you in your quit? Surely they can help keep those death sticks away from you? (Sorry, I forgot their ages - and only suggest this if it's age appropriate!) 

Again, I would remind you that when folks are pointing out EXcuses that they see in your writing, it is not criticism meant to tear you down - nothing could be further from the truth! These folks really, really care about YOU! Elsewise, why would they bother to comment at all? Just saying... 

Please remember what I told you before, Take what you want and leave the rest! To be helpful is our only goal! 

I've pointed out before but I don't mind repeating it, mental illness is only a barrier when you allow it to be! Actually, you can turn it around and make it a motivation! Folks who are bipolar have been found to have fewer mood swings after their initial withdrawal from sickerettes! FACT!

I also have COPD and I most certainly use it to motivate me on my quit journey! Every single breath I take reminds me why, even if I really wanted to and I definitely don't, smoking is suicide and I don't wish to kill myself! 

I know I'm repeating what I've already said to you, but that's O.K.! This whole process is about retraining your brain and that takes repeating and repeating the same New Thoughts so that they finally crowd out the Addictive Thoughts!

All I ask, is that you don't give up and even if some comments make you feel uncomfortable keep coming back and reading, writing , even complaining - but give this process a chance to work and it will!

BEST WISHES!

[MarcieWhosoever]

hi. Just wanted you to know I read this blog and it got to me. You do have challenges to face, more thaan most. but look you are doing it! you may not have quit yet but I see you are determined and I believe you will. You sure have come a long way from 2-3 packs per day. 

Stick around, read a lot. Remember this.... There may be people on this site who read this and completely understand becasue they may have some of the same issues. Thanks for sharing. You have treally good ideas to get the thoughts and craves away. 

Keep it up and stay strong, and like Thoas said.. take what you like and leave the rest. BUT please remember to take what people say to you very seriously at the same time because these people are FREE from cigarettes finally! 

Sounds like you are on the right track, keep going and set a quit date soon. READ A LOT! Try reading allen carrs easyway to quit if you havent yet.

Have a good day and God bless you. Having God as such an important part of your life is GREAT! You are never alone.

Marcie

[tigress]

I haven't been on here in a while. My computer.quit.on me so.instead of putting moore money in it I got this phone. It'almost as.good. anyway' just keep on keeping on. Sounds. Like you are doing well. In may, Mothers Day to be exact, I'll be quit for 5 years. I smoked for 47 years. Two-three pacts a day. It was mainly just making up my mind. I had tried to quit for many years before.finally getting it. Good luck and God bless.you. and keep on keeping on.