Sick to Death of Analyzing!

[Thomas3.20.2010]

So if I were repressing some skeleton in my closet it would be one thing. But the truth is I’ve chewed up and spit out the same depressing childhood muck for decades. And I’m done with all that!

Now I’m looking at the depression/anxiety cycles differently. Something is happening in my Brain. So rather than resist, control, or suppress it, I’m just going to make room for it and ride the wave!

Granted depression/anxiety isn’t an urge like nicotine or alcohol cravings but it is a physiological urge toward fight/flight! But what am I fighting if not very, very old memories and a ton of “what ifs?” Rather pointless when looked at rationally!

So my game plan is to let those thoughts and feelings be but don’t buy into them! I can just give them enough time and space to expend all their energy and get back to the business of Abundant Living!

Will it work? Who knows? All I know is what doesn’t work!

Meanwhile I’m grateful for so many things among them my Wonderful BecomeanEX Family and Friends who drop by to lift me up and let me know that I’m not alone! So again I Thank You ALL for being here while I find my way out of the darkness into the light of day riding the wave of Recovery!

I promise each and every one of you that I WILL NOT SMOKE a stinking Sickerette  NO MATTER WHAT!

God Bless and pray for Ellen!

[kristen-9-7-15]

No, THANK YOU for being here and helping me and everyone else! 

[YoungAtHeart]

Perhaps all those years you self-medicated so you didn't have to deal with those issues/feelings.  Now - you can't hide behind that cloud of smoke anymore.

Have you thought at all about talking to a professional?  I have done that,briefly, a couple of times.  The one I found is almost as succinct as Bob Newhart in the "Stop It" routine....but he gave me good, common sense advice that worked.  I was having panic attacks after a bad car accident, and went into one every time I approached the car to drive somewhere.  I knew, but didn't REALLY know, that once the adrenaline kicks in, you will be powerless until it subsides.  I tried to deep breathe my way through it and continued to go ahead and drive.  THAT was terrifying becauxe of the adrenaline; it was like being one of the cars in a video game.  All of the colors and actions around me were enhanced.  All driving at that point did for me was make me MORe anxious to drive!  What I ended up doing was simply stopping what I was doing (say making dinner) and jump right in the car without pre-thinking it.  I then just drove around the block.  I did this a bunch of times, then went further and further each time.  Eventually I was cured of it.
 

If your current plan doesn't work, this might be something to consider?  I hate that you are suffering!

Nancy

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

Thank you too, Thomas.  Having issues of anxiety and stress that ultimately lure me toward depression is part of my experience as well.  I look to you for ideas so keep posting as you learn.  I'll share as I learn as well.

Best regards, pal.

[Thomas3.20.2010]

Hi!

Just to clarify I have had a therapist for 3 1/2 Years so far this time around. (Not my first or probably my last time!)

[Rox.j1962]

Unfortunately, we cannot change the past..how happy that we can change the future..prayers for you on your journey.

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Thank you for sharing.  We all may have some level of depression and have handled it in ways that may not be beneficial.  At least you are acknowleding your problems and have a plan.  Some of us are still in denial. Have a blessed night we love and care about you.  Some of us would never have made it without you.  I am  one of those that needed you when I could not relate anyone else because you always share your wisdom drenched in love. God bless you.   This too will pass  Part of God' plan for you to be better. Ride that wave.

[MarilynH]

((((((((((A huge cyber Hug for you Thomas)))))))))

Good thoughts and prayers going up for you as well as our sweet Ellen. 

[jjbob]

Many prayers going to you!  God Bless.

[SimplySheri]

You have the right idea, Thomas.  Allow those feelings to come...and go...without reacting to them.  A sort of mindfulness, if you will.  By not reacting, they hold very little power over you.  Just feelings.  But I am sorry you are having to go through this!!  If you ever need anything, I hope you know I will be here.  And I wish I had answers for you but not that smart 🙂  Just remember you are not alone!  Gentle hugs, Sheri

[Strudel]

God bless you Thomas! We are riding that wave with you..... 

Sending prayers and love!  

[Giulia]

Old memories and "what if's" lead us nowhere but into the extended replay of our mind's tape.  There's got to be something other than "resist" "control" "supress" and even something other than accept.  I think it's called "re-focus."  But I'm not sure. Or perhaps re-focus comes before accept.  Or after it.  I don't know.

I mean this statement of yours indicates acceptance to me:  "my game plan is to let those thoughts and feelings be but don’t buy into them! I can just give them enough time and space to expend all their energy and get back to the business of Abundant Living!"
But- speaking for myself only here - we need acceptance AND re-focusing to get out of the emotional swamp in which we sometimes abide.  I think it's a dual prong against the enemy of Negation.  Whether that negation is aimed at our self-worth or our ability to achieve.  I'm just not discovering - at the age of 66, the ability and BENEFIT of re-focusing.
Just as we have a choice in smoking or not smoking, we have a choice in where we allow our minds to dwell.  It takes enormous practice and perseverance, but there is no doubt - in my mind anyway - that we can conquer our thoughts. And thus our emotional reactions to them.
The mind is an incredibly powerful resource.  We simply haven’t learned how to harness it yet.  I guess those that do are called Gurus.
If I ever learn how to do it on a regular basis, I’ll be sure to pass it on!  Lol
 

[Bonnie11.3.2009]

sounds like a good plan Thomas!!

[Thomas3.20.2010]

I look to my Guru, Giulia! 

OM!

No seriously, Thank You and God Bless! We're all in this together!

[HealthyOrange]

I am so sorry that you are struggling, Thomas!   You are such a beautiful person.  I love what Jackie said that you provide "wisdom drenched in love".  How vert true!

I am a "thinker" too!  Replaying those "old records" seldom helps me either.  I suppose the action of doing something rather than thinking or analyzing is helpful.  Especially doing something towards a goal that you have set for yourself that would increase your self-esteem. 

((((Huge hugs)))), Jamie

[bonniebee]

Hi Thomas I wish I had great words of wisdom to share but it seems many have already . I just no that through the years I have had depression especially after the death of my loved ones and  especially when  my son died unexpectedly  . Depression as you probably already know  is a normal part of grieving and you have suffered a big loss not very long ago the depression may be a part of that loss  ......I pray for you Thomas  what ever it is you are strong and will come through ....Jesus loves you !

[annb]

No you are definitely not alone dear Thomas!  I think this season change is not helping. I know I must have S.A.D. Hate this early darkness!  But this too will pass and we will feel like ourselves again!! oxoxox Ride that wave. Hang Ten!!!

[Barbara145]

I am so sorry you are suffering, Thomas I truly wish I could make it go away.  Have you ever thought about changing therapists.  I have been to no less than a zillion in my life 🙂 

[summer-07-06-15]

I hear you. In the same boat when it comes to depression.  I hope you can take steps towards leaving thoses thoughts behind you. While one is not in control of depression or anxiety. I hope your Dr.s find some help for you soon.

[John10forteen]

Thomas,

You're awesome in my book dude! Love and Respect all the way. I'm still laughing at summers comment..

It's easy to get frustrated with our sufferings, We all find our ways to navigate them. I think you found a good way here. 

Slow down the monkeys in the head by thinking about me, Not ME, but what you did for me. YOU played a big part, a big postive part in my life.

Remember me? last year, not being able to do my office work without a cigarette, stressing as it piled up. Well guess what? it's that same cold time of year again and the freaking desk is piled up again. I'm not blaming the cigarettes anymore because I don't smoke. 

I don't smoke anymore because some dude told me about riding the wave to the surf, AND NOT letting it crash into the rocks. That saved my life so many times last year, Ride it to the beach and letting gently dissapate.

Peace out man! 398 D.O.F. 

John

(PS I also suffer grevious highs and lows .... and have all of my life. Except lately, I've been exploring the 4 noble truths, and the eightfold path along with meditation)

[smorgy8513]

Thomas, I wish I had some wisdom that I could pass along to you and make things better.     I think a couple of things may apply here.     First, season changes.......they stink when they are going the way they are now and not the other way (in to spring).  Secondly, you are a Giver....both in your work and in your life in general.     I think those of us that do this for most of each day can get worn out.     We need to re-fill and rejuvenate.       God, music, hugs.....whatever it is that helps....take it and watch that fuel needle go up and up.

You've had losses this year......grief those as well.

If I can add to the fuel tank please let me know.    

Love you!      

[Jenn_06-03-14]

Sending thoughts and prayers your way!  🙂

[djmurray]

Again, late to the group, Thomas, but know you are not alone.  Some of us are suffering from situational depression  and anxiety (loss of job, uncertain future; declining health, uncertain prognosis, etc.)  Others are still plagued by really crappy childhoods that worked against our natural development of calm confidence.  But whatever causes the angst, we are here together in as supportive an environment as I can imagine.  We may be scattered over the globe, but we are here in this community for sure.  So we love you Thomas, and we're with you, my friend.