I had set my quit date for yesterday, and I made it until about noon. Then I stopped and bought a pack of cigarettes, came home and smoked. I wouldn't call that a slip up. I'd call that making a decision to smoke.
I'm ashamed that I did it, yes. But the more I linger in the shame, the more hold cigarettes are going to have on me. This morning, I went for a walk (to smoke) and I started thinking about how stupid it was. I was up coughing last night quite a bit, and I slept horribly. Right now, I feel like I'm getting sick. I have so much phlegm in my throat, and I just feel awful.
I smoked on cigarette this morning, and about six or seven out of that pack. I always seem to make these decisions to quit once I've had my nicotine fix. Even so, I took the rest of the pack and I broke them all and threw them away. I have no vehicle today, so I can't go and buy more. I came home, and I did my exercises and I read two chapters in Galatians. I also started an addiction Bible study on the YouVersion Bible App.
Maybe it is called a slip up, but in my heart, I know that it wasn't, and I need to look at it like it is. It was really me choosing to make myself sick, keep trying to kill myself slowly, and continue on in my manipulative and lying behavior.
I re-started my quit calendar, and I am looking forward to when 72 hours is up. I can do this, but I can't do it alone. God is by my side, and I'm depending on Him to help me get through it.
