Sad today

[pat3]

Ok, I have read that when you quit smoking it feels like a loss and you go through a grief process. I do not want to grieve for something that was killing me. I have not and will not smoke. I don't physically crave them. My mind asks me " Ok, so when are we going to have one". I say we're not. Then my mind is depressed. I know it is ridiculous, but don't know what to do about it. I don't want to replace smoking with eating. I guess the hardest time is when I come home from work. When I smoked after work it was for "relaxing", a " reward" for making it through the day, and a " celebration" for being off work. Any ideas?

[jeannie2]

Go home, relax, deep breathe, if you like,take a walk, get some fun activities or hobbies, be creative anything to keep your mind busy. I started cleaning more, watching tv, taking rides just because. Sometimes you should buy yourself rewards too. I buy to celebrate my quit. Maybe you like puzzles,reading a good book. a hot bath, candles burning. I try to relax anyway i can and i still have so much energy but thats a good thing. My newest thing to relax is my hot tub. Pretty much does the trick. Dont let your mind dirve you crazy, tell yourself your free and living without that just fine. You can forget or dwell on it. I choose to forget all about it even if i dont i do you know what im sayin!

[hwc]

"When I smoked after work it was for "relaxing", a " reward" for making it through the day, and a " celebration" for being off work. "

You are romancing the drug -- the drug that you thought, one week ago, was going to kill you. Was last week "relaxing"? Did you feel like you were "getting a reward" or "celebrating" anything as you were driving to the doctor's office to get the biopsy news? I don't think so.

Romancing the drug is why we stay addicted. We make up all these bogus things that smoking does for us, none of which are even remotely true. Be honest about cigarettes. They did one thing for us and one thing only: supply a dose of the drug that we were addicted to. That's it. Anything beyond that is fairytale romance.

My advice is to get mad as hell at the drug and the addiction and the smoking. When your addiction says "time for a smoke", you might want to just think about how you felt last week. Hell, think about how I felt for you. There were a lot of us here just torn up thinking about what you were going through, and what Kellie is going through, and so many others here are going through. Get mad. Kick that addiction in the ass. For god's sake, don't romance it. That will drive you crazy.

Go to my page and find the podcast links. Listen to some of Joel's videos or follow the video links and watch them if you prefer. Each one will get you through that after-work crave and I guarantee you won't be romancing the addiction.

Here are a couple of Freedom Forum threads:

Romancing the drug

I want one

And the podcast verion of Joel's lesson, "I Want One":

[debra-adams]

I worked, and continue to work----on replacing old behaviors with new, better ones. I used to smoke after work--chain smoke for the first few hours, to catch up on my nicotine. I wasted lots of time smoking and doing little else. Because smoking was my primary behavior. I might be reading, or surfing the net, or watching the tube. But mostly I was smoking. What a waste of time. I'm doing more productive things with my time and it is changing my whole life. Now I'm going to the gym and working out most of the time, and finding that when I don't get to go to the gym for some reason, it is THAT that I am "missing". Which tells me my new replacement behavior is becoming important --and that old nasty cigarette habit less and less so. Hope this is helpful!

[donna30]

Hi Pat, i do understand what you are saying and i am still grieving for my lost friend who turned out to be the friend from hell! i had a stroke in April and sure don't want to want something that almost killed me but i do! it's a loss and so i miss what has gone. i do grieve it and cry at times and then move on to other things that are slowly replacing them. as i've gotten time it has gotten better and i'm told it will even get better so i'm here to stay! i talk to people about feeling depressed since it wasn't my choice to give them up i had no choice but if i think about it i did have a choice so. just hang in there - it will get better and try to make yourself smile or lighten up at least a few times a day. (even if you don't mean it!) get on here and leave messages for people that are kind and voice your gratitude! it will help you and try walking and exercise. hugs to you. build a friends base! D

[karen-williamson]

Hi Pat. What you are going through it completely normal. I felt the same grief. I had very similiar "relaxation" and "reward" system for myself after getting home from work. I loved to go out on my balcony & relax with a cig. Once I quit, I no long had that moment. I started going out on the balcony with a book, my laptop or just sit & relax while looking a the stars. It took a while, but it finally became a great moment for me without a cig. Hang in there. This too will pass--I promise. Cry through it if you need to--I did. It can be cleansing when you realize you can make it through without smoking.

[edith2]

After you've quit for awhile and you're feeling better than you could ever imagine(and you will), you'll realize that grieving when you quit is part of the addiction. The addiction lies to us and makes us think that smoking is great. I loved smoking and had all the excuses in the world. Now I can't think of any excuse to start smoking again.