I admit, I'm not entirely sure what to do or say here.
My name is Isabel. I'm 26 years old, been smoking since I was about 19. I was at over a pack a day last summer when finances and other factors finally convinced me to quit. I set the date for July 23rd, used the patch (for about a week), and managed to stay smoke free until the winter holidays, when I allowed myself to backslide into a cigarette or two a day. Managed to get in almost five months without a single cigarette, which I'm still fairly proud of, and I was all set to stop again after New Years when I was involved in a car accident. Thankfully, there was only very minor damage to myself and the other driver, but he wrecked the heck out of my car, and the stress of the day including calling my insurance company, explaining repeatedly everything that had happened, and trying to organize a rental car ended up sending me out for cigarettes in the early afternoon.
Since then, I haven't gone a single day without smoking at least one cigarette. I've managed not to get back up to the amount I was smoking before I quit last summer, and I've steadfastedly refused to pick up some of the old triggers like driving or taking breaks from work. I've managed to limit my smoking pretty much entirely to the times I'm home in my apartment, but there hasn't been a single day when I haven't regretted picking them up again.
I admit, I'm stuck. I want to get the determination that I had in those five months of not smoking back, but I'm not sure how to do it. I made a very big deal about quitting, and have only admitted to relapsing to a small handful of people. I'm terrified of the reactions of some of the people I love if I tell them I screwed up, but I know I can't quit again without some kind of support network backing me up. When I saw the commercials for this site, I logged on to see what was going on, and found all of you guys.
I don't know if I'll end up using this site like I should. But it seems to me that here is a network of people that I can be honest with, without fear of recrimination. I'm hoping that I'll be able to get at least some of the support I'll need with you all.
That's about it, for now. Except to say, well, Hi. Hope to talk to you all in the future.
