Relapsed

[st3fani]

Well we stayed quit for 70 hours and relapsed. My husband and I kept daring each other to go bum a cigarette from the neighbor. Stupid...I know. obviously we weren't thinking clearly. So we shared one cigarette which tasted awful. We were so mad at ourselves and made a pact to continue with our quitting plan even though we had one slip. Then this morning we got in a huge fight and my husband threatened to go buy a pack because "he didnt want quitting to put our marriage in jeopardy". I really want to continue staying quit, but if he lights one up in front of me I know I will cave. I wish I could just stay on a deserted island for about 30 days......no one around to make me go crazy....no temptations...Why does this have to be so hard???? We are on day 4...it should be getting easier from here right?

[kris54]

WOW... how awesome that you two quit together!!  I can see a few problems wih the thought process going on though.... "I don't want smoking to ruin our marriage"  is an easy 'out' to not quit.  Keep talking about it!!  Its the perfect situation for both of you to quit together!!  NO EXCUSES.... tell him you want to quit with him.... So you can BOTH enjoy good health when you are older!   Your marriage will be fine.... walk away from eachother if things get tough for a moment... and of course you will both have tough moments!!  I hope you can see it through.... it is SO worth it!  

You guys CAN DO IT!!

[Denise3]

The key is NOPE---not one puff ever! Since you did take a puff--or split one you are actually at the beginning again because you have stirred up those nicotine recepters----the nic is gone out of your system after 3 days---72 hrs. It is so much easier after that. Yes you will have a crave or two----think a/b them but in reality YOU ARE CLEAN AND READY TO BE SMOKE FREE AT THAT POINT. sO DO IT AGAIN AND IF HE SLIPS LET HIM----YOU WILL SEE HE WILL GET BACK ON THE WAGON. wORRY ABOUT YOUR QUIT AND HE WILL COME AROUND. yOU WILL BE SMELLING BETTER, LOOKING BETTER, FEELING BETTER. I am not yelling at you just hit caps lock by accident LOL. Come here when you get an urge. someone will help you thru just NOPE!!!!!!

[imadeer]

Tell the neighbor not to give you anymore cigs

[SmokedOut041412]

Just as you did when exchanging your vows---Make a commitment to each other to support (not sabotage) each other on your quit smoking journey. There is no regret in quitting---there is much regret in continuing to smoke.

My best to both of you,

Teresa

[Julia_Amy]

I am afraid that I am not so cheerful about this.  It wasn't stupid to dare each to get the cig from the neighbor. You guys were planning your relapse.  You were manipulating each other.  It was a way to say "I want a cigarette but I don't want to be blamed for the failure"  No wonder you had a fight.  You both knew that's what was happened.  Your marriage is going to fall apart over cigarettes?  Hard to believe in all honesty.  That being said, you can't make him want to quit, you can't control what someone else does.  You CAN control what YOU do,  My husband smokes, many of our spouses do.  Yeah, it's a little harder but soon you realize that that is not so much of a battle.  Addiction is the real battle and that can not be overcome without brutal honesty.  So, be honest honey, be committed for yourself, ask your husband not to smoke in front of you for awhile, leave the room if he does WITHOUT anger, this YOUR quit, not him deal with his.  This battle must be fought within ourselves, with the support of others.  That's why we're here.  Next time, do not smoke withou blogging, tell us you need help and then wait for one of us to respond.  Don't give up.  Do it real though.

[Mothergoose9]

No offense, but "stupid" doesn't even come close!!!!

This is not a game....either you want to be an addict and smoke or you want to get free.  Your success doesn't depend on someone else unless you let it.

Excuses are a dime a dozen.....and we all have them if we want to use them.  But some of us made a decision that smoking is siimply NOT an option......EVER.  Not for ANY reason, not under ANY circumstance and we have honored that decision, often in the midst of incredible life challenges.....including smoking spouses.  

Like I said this is not a game.  You are playing Russian Roulette with your health and your future....and that doesn't change no matter how you justify it.  It doesn't really matter what you try and tell us......because there isn't anything we haven't already heard.  We know excuses and junkie justifications when we hear them.  It is what you're telling yourself that counts.  Until you expose the lies and exhaust the excuse making, you will continue to be a slave to this addiction.

[joy36]

My husband and I quit together. You are susposed to help each other through the urge's and craving, not, Tempt each other !!  You both need to do some rethinking about your way of quitting !!!

[IrishRose]

Understand that this is your quit, not to be joined with your husband's quit, otherwise, you are setting yourself up to fail. 

If you really want to quit, set a date that YOU will quit.  Forget about what your husband is doing.  Geesh!

[bulldog316]

My wife and I are on our umpeenth quit together.  Many times we broke with the whole "I am not going to let quitting cost me my marriage".  In reality smoking is going to cost you your marriage. My wife and I are just under the 20 day mark and we snip here and there.... guess what?  We did that even when we were smoking!

Together you guys can be stronger than if you were alone but you need to focus on the benefits of quitting and the reasons why you are quitting.  My wife and I carve out about 5 minutes a day to tell each other something new about what we don't miss about smoking. 

So you got bucked off the horse... Get back on it and spur it some more!  Each day that goes without smoking I tell my wife it has been one more day towards the rest of our lives.  Don't give up and fight the temptation.  Remember when either of you are threatening to go buy a pack it is the nicotine talking.  It is the addiction trying to keep its hold on you and when one of you is faltering it is time for the other to stay strong.  I know it sounds easier said than done but I can tell you that by day 7 it got easier.  By day 14 I felt stronger.  We are coming up on three weeks day 21, and you know we don't spend any time thinking about smoking, we think about doing something fun.