Relapsed but back on path

[erin55]

Day 8 since I quit, but relapsed and had 2 on Saturday night (which was day 6).  It had been going pretty smoothly and then ALL DAY Saturday I was OBSESSING about smoking. I even tried sucking on a nic lozenge, which took the edge off in the moment but my thoughts just kept returning to smoking.

So, I smoked 2 and then walked away.  Access was easy as my husband smokes.  Felt like crap of course.  Started spiraling into self-loathing.  Decided I had to let that go and just pick up and start again.

I'm back on since then.  I knwo I have to go NOPE as I could feel how quickly/easily it would all spiral back to full-time smoking.

I truly am grateful for my life/time/self-respect that has returned with the not-smoking.  Just need to hold on to that. 

In other good news/self-care, I have worked out every day since I quit.  Also drinking lots of green smoothies/juices.  Want to feel as good physically and emotionally as I can to remind myself how much better everything is when I'm not smoking.

Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement.  Most of my friends/family don't even know I smoke so I don't have anywhere to share what I'm doing/experiencing.  It helps tremendously.

[SarahP]

Hi Erin, sorry to hear about your relapse, but I'm glad to hear you quit again right away and are back on track. Make sure you think about what happened, what led you to pick them up, and how will you deal with it differently next time. Because whatever it was, boredom, stress, alcohol, fight with a loved one, it WILL happen again. You chose to respond to it this time by smoking. How will you help yourself choose differently next time? 

The only way out is to keep moving forward -- you can do this! 

[virgolady2]

 stay strong dont look back always forward we have faith in you

[Jordan-11-1-12]

Congratulations for not giving up on quitting!!  The longer it takes to get back to quitting, the more chance that we won't be able to, so its great that you're here. The bad news is that smoking those two woke up the receptors in your brain, so you're on day 3 again... not bad, since it only takes 72 hours for the nicotine to leave your body!!

Do you think you could have your husband promise not to give you a cig even if you ask for it during a weak moment? I know some smokers can't be strong like that, but some can. Because you're going to crave, so you have have to really commit to not smoking, no matter how you feel. Try to remember that the cravings and withdrawal only really get better if we don't smoke. 

Like Sarah said, eyes forward. You can do this! Next time you're feeling desperate, come on here and blog with the word "help" in the title. Give us a chance to try and talk you out of it!

[erin55]

My husband tried not to give me one-- he has been great.  But it is my quit, my responsibility.  Not fair for me to make it his.

Sarah asked what triggered me/what I will do next time.  The frustrating part is that it was nothing!  No stress, no argument, no alcohol.  Just got to thinking about it for some reason during the day and couldn't stop.  Then it became an option.  Have lots of reading since then.  It just has to not be an option.  I have to remind myself that it is the addiction talking and that I'll get through that part and then still be quit and not hate myself. 

I will take your advice and ask for help here next time!  Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[SarahP]

So probably boredom and a little bit of romanticizing the smoking memories? That almost tripped me up early in my quit too. What really helped me was to remember that there is no such thing as "one" cigarette, or the fond memory of some mystical "good" cigarette. 

I just posted this for someone else; maybe it'll help you too? It's from www.whyquit.com: 

********

What happens to some people is that when they are off smoking for a certain time period they start fixating on a cigarette. By that I mean they forget all the bad cigarettes they ever smoked, they forget the ones they smoked without ever really thinking about them even at the time they were being smoked, and they start to remember and focus on one good cigarette. It may be one they smoked 20 years earlier but it was a good one and they now want one again.

It's a common tactic for the ex-smokers to try and tell themselves that they do not really want that "good" cigarette. Well, the problem is, at that moment they really do want it. An internal debate erupts, "I want one, no I don't, one sounds great, no it doesn't, oh just one, not just one!" The problem is that if the ex-smoker's focus is on just "one" cigarette then there is no clear-cut winning side to the debate. The ex-smoker needs to change the internal discussion.

Don't say that you don't want one when you do, rather acknowledge the desire but ask yourself, "Do I want all the other cigarettes that go with it." Then, "do I want the package deal that goes with the others? The expense, social stigma, smell, health effects, possible loss of life. Do I want to go back to smoking, full-fledged, until it cripples and kills me?"

Stated like this it normally is not a back and forth debate. The answer will normally be, "No, I don't want to smoke under these terms," and those are the only terms that a cigarette comes with.

Normally if viewed like this the debate is over almost immediately after being pulled into focus. Again, if the focus is only one, you can drive yourself nuts throughout the entire day. If you focus on the whole package deal, you will walk away from the moment relieved to still be smoke free and sufficiently reinforced to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

[Jordan-11-1-12]

ah.. sounds like dwelling on it. That is one of my biggest problems! I know that I"m suppose to kick out the thoughts and distract myself, but the thought keeps coming back. THAT means, I'm not doing a good enough job distracting. That I need to engage my mind more... do something more challenging or that just needs more of my consentration.  I don't always do that, though. I'll keep watching a movie, or whatever, even thought the thougths keep invading, and the next thing I know i'm allowing the thoughts to stay longer....   I"m very lucky to not live with a smoker. 

I didn't mean that it would be his responsibility.... just that maybe if you know he won't give you one, then it would be easier to convince yourself that its not an option.

Allen Carr's book helped me alot.  So glad to hear that you're reading!

You CAN do this!!

[tracy79]

i just had a relapse today.  I know its hard.  but we can do this  we have a geat support system going here.  Just hang in there darlin k

[joyeuxencore]

You have made a decision...honor that every minute of every day...doing it with a partner who still smokes is so far beyond anything I can imagine...you are my hero! Stay strong for YOU...If you do I'll bet he'll do it one day! xo