Reflections

[balanceseeker]

Uncharacteristically, posting in the middle of the month, before completing another month of quit. Just to come to terms with the strong urge ( definitely not a crave) to light a cigarette. The urge is not overwhelming, not uncontrollable, not something that I have no power over. It is more of a loss of the positive spirit to continue with a good thing. As if to say, what's the point of all these white-knuckled efforts at cultivating self-discipline, when the personal story that I tell myself at this moment, is very pessimistic.

I am posting to remember this point in time, for future reference. The biggest threat to my smobriety has always been marital strife. The rare times when I have slanging matches with my spouse, are the times when I am vulnerable and think of smoking. I blew a few of my previous quits due to this trigger, this time I am not going to let that happen again.

Quitting smoking has been one of the best conscious efforts of my life.  A lot of hard work and determination have gone into sustaining the quit, especially in the initial weeks. I'll not let a minor, passing hiccup in my primary relationship nullify the painstaking effort.

Not One Puff Ever.