I found this group and was so glade to have a community to touch base with and a place to go with my then dream of a successful Quit.
I am following MY QUIT PLAN and that means I am not posting my actual date of Quit until next year. And this is how that happened.
When I found this enthusiastic group I was ready and willing to Quit, I thought. The impression that I had then was that this unrelenting wish to stop doing that one thing was really strong, really persistant and there for I could do it because I "wanted" to quit. Right? WEll, no, not for me. Instead what Happened was I did go through the motions of quitting and the agony as well but it was not until I did the reasearch, the self examination, and took the time to really look at my habits, my behaviors and (this is important) what I WANT TO DO.
I have read ooddles on line, and out of the library to learn more about what it is that I did not understand about myself and my addiction to this product. And I have also taken notes from time to time, and reworked My Plan and adopted the elements that I want in my daily life, my behavior and my habits in the future.
I am past Hell week, that first seven days...and more than once. Now , again, I am weeks into a clean quit...and by golly I do like not smoking more than I ever imagined that I would. I go days without any strong urges. IT is fairly second nature to reign in my thought balloon from going "there". And then yesterday I am down wind from a smoker....I realize that when I smell that smell I am feeling both the allure of the inner adgent ready and willing to hand over my health and my cash and my integrity for the corporation profits and that emmence personal victory and pride that has wrestled this thought balloon time after time and it is getting less often and even easier to do.
For me the goal markers are the objective. And for me the healing that I need so that my own sense of wellbeing is balanced on my healthy system doing what the healthy system does is the main event. I am cutting the cord with friendships and with places and with a past that neglected much BEFOR abusing my lungs, my brain and toxifing my environment with this substance. It is for my health and for my own awareness that I have much to learn that I just have not allowed into my experiances because I was caught in a loop of addictive loop.
I do not feel bad like I did on the way to this point. I changed alot of my daily way of living, and even changed the food that I eat and the way that I spend the hours of my free time.
The depression was the worst. I was not prepared the first time around for how deeply and how bad I would feel. The success followed researching and being ready to redesign My Quit to handle head on and in a relaxed manner the potential of low times. I walk. I breathe. I take naps. I relax around the many events and oppertunities that can be reactive emotional moments. I can take this is stride. I do not have to feel that anything is more important than my Quit and my Ex lifestyle. And if I am in a futtle then tuttle it is. Excersise is the best treatment for depression. Slow steady walks that lead to brisk walks. My mind can be completely empty while I am breathing and walking at the same time. And at the end of the day the best thing I can do is be ready to rest because I am physically tired.
So I take a deep breath and thank all of you for being here with me. May you find the pleasures of being an Ex as satisfying as I do. I really like not smoking on a daily basis! It feels so much better than I imagined it would!
