Rage typing - not for newbies

[PastTense]

Rage is a strong word to use at 5:45 in the morning.  Who has energy for rage before coffee?  

Not annoyance.  Not impatience.  Not even anger.  Full on, red faced, noticeable increased blood-pressure, slathering, fist pounding, RAGE.  Seriously, who has time and energy for that first thing in the morning?

I do.  I have the energy for that.  I was so angry this morning that I couldn't focus.  Only years of habit and muscle memory got my teeth brushed and out the door on time.  I am no longer pounding on things, but I am still full of rage.  

Why so full of rage?  Because I stepped on the scale this morning and I have gained two pounds.  Not just any two pounds; the two pounds I worked hard to lose of the last two weeks.  I joined a NYE challenge in an online fitness community.  I have logged every bite.  I have not eaten any sweet treats.  I have reduced alcohol to 2 beers a week.  I have met my step goal and worked out every, single day. I saw a dip on Wednesday and it's all back on Monday.

Could it be water weight?  Sure.  Maybe.  Which means all my efforts are for NOTHING.  NOTHING.  

Since I quit smoking, absolutely not one single effing thing works to lose weight.  With the effort I have made in the last year, I should be hanging off a charm bracelet. Instead, I'm buying fat pants.

Have I been to the doctor? - of course.  I have done ALL THE THINGS.   Every sensible thing.  I am ready to try stupid things because nothing else works.  If I had known how badly quitting would mess with my metabolism, I never would have done it.  Honestly.  It has not been worth it AT ALL.

I would start smoking again at noon if I thought it would change things back to normal.  The only reason I haven't it because I don't think it would work.  This is the new "normal" for my body and I hate it. 

I know some idiot will come at me with a list of "healthy snacks".  Don't.  Just don't.  Today is not the day.

[qsiesue]

@PastTense . I feel your rage. My fatass has gained 16 pounds. I had to dig out my fat girl pants that I had put away years ago. I have craved Reese cups like I did cigarettes and it shows. I am exercising and have bought an exercise bike. I have bought a smart watch that counts my steps and calories burned.hoping my resolve to get out of my fat girl pants helps me walk along more and ride that exercise bike every day. Hugs....I am told it evens out......I sure hope so, cos I huff and puff now more than I ever did smoking. I'm not going to smoke again though.  Not ever! You can do anything. You quit smoking,  didn't you?  You can lose your weight gain too.

[PastTense]

Thanks, @qsiesue .  I appreciate your support, but I do not share your optimism.

It is apparent that the old ways do not work and none of the new ways are appealing.  Thus, my frustration and rage.

If I have to starve in order to get back into my clothes...  I don't even know how to finish that sentence.  I have no idea where to go from here.  There is nobody to blame - well, I mean I could blame a lot of folks but to what end?  They couldn't fix it.

ARRRGGGGGGGG

[JonesCarpeDiem]

Those who live by the scale

Rage by the scale.

It sounds like you're doing everything right.

Keep it up.

F the scale

[SuzyQ411]

I hear you @PastTense ~ and it definitely sucks! At this point in my life, I am told by my cardiologist to weigh myself everyday and to limit my intake of fluids. One thing I have learned by doing this for about 6 months is that for seemingly no reason I may suddenly be heavier one day than the day before. Chalk it up to whatever (who knows?) but I have found if I give it a day or so, it goes away. Guess what I'm trying to say is that within the next few days, if you keep following the weight loss routine you are currently on, chances are that your 2# gain will bite the dust.

As for today, what might help you to calm yourself so you can wait out the resolution of this perceived "slap in the face?" (other than smoking, of course.) 

Hugs.

[PastTense]

@JonesCarpeDiem 

Not sure what this is supposed to mean.  Keep what up?  Keep getting fat?

Scale or no scale, my clothes don't fit.

[PastTense]

@SuzyQ411 good morning

I am aware that weight fluctuates - even by several pounds.  But if my "real" weight can fluctuate by plus/minus two pounds, that means I have gotten NOWHERE.

It means I have not lost one ounce.

I am not giving anything another day or two.  I have tried to have patience for two years to give my body a chance to "get back to normal".  This must be the new normal.

Which means I have to starve for the rest of my damn life in order to fit into my pre-quit clothes.  

But that worked.  I am no longer enraged.  Now I am depressed.  

[JonesCarpeDiem]

@PastTense 

I thought it was clear.

You explained everything you were doing to avoid gaining weight. 

You sound like you're doing everything possible..

Keep that up.

One more thing for others

Nicotine speeds up our metabolism by 100-200 calories per day. Anyone quiitng smoking and worrying about gaining weight should lower their calorie intake by that much.

[PastTense]

@JonesCarpeDiem 

I'm not doing everything right or I would be losing weight.

And just reducing the number of calories by 200 per day doesn't work (see above).

Adding exercise to offset the 200 calories per day doesn't work (see above).

Reducing calories AND adding exercise doesn't work (see above).

Hence my intense frustration and rage.

Doing "everything right" DOES NOT WORK.

It's a spiral of rage and despair surrounded by fat.

I regret that visual but now it's stuck in my head forever.

[Barbscloud]

@PastTense  I'm not responding to posts right now (this is one of the reasons), but you know I get it!   There are misconceptions shared about about quitting, weight gain and losing weight. You know I quit discussing this issue here many years ago because I didn't want to hear anymore about the carrots either.  I've been able to  lose  and maintain weight my entire life until I quit smoking.  I lost 100 lbs. many years ago, so I know how to eat to lose weight. It doesn't work anymore.

 I suspect people still assume that you just quit smoking while You and I been battling this issue for years since quitting smoking and developing hypothyroidism as a result of quitting (almost 6 years for me.).  

Even though exercise is good for your health, there is actually more recent research  that exercising plays a much smaller role to lose weight than food consumed. 

I get the frustration. I've said this before that this is probably the one is reason I would start smoking again.  

For some people this is a life long issue that many people don't understand.

Hang in there.  Hugs

Barb

[PastTense]

Thanks, @Barbscloud 

It is depressing and enraging and confusing all at the same time.

Everything I thought I knew about Calories in/ calories out has proved false.

The idea that you can "just reduce 200 calories" is false.

I got a new fitness monitor to make sure I was accurately tracking steps and exercise.  I track every single thing I eat.  One cashew?  I log it.  Everything.  

Rage typing has helped my mood, but hasn't done a damn thing for my weight!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

@PastTense 

Have you researched ways of speeding up your metabolism?

Have you queried Chat GPT?

[champsin97]

Just a thought but exercising also builds muscle to an extent.  Muscle weighs more than fat.  

Buy a puching bag and beat the hell out of that thing everytime you start raging.  Burns alot of calories.  

I get your frustration.  When I quit 18 years ago I gained 25 pounds and I was a gym rat.  I've never been back down to that weight since.  I guess a few pounds is better than killing yourself with cigarettes.

[PastTense]

I feel your pain, @champsin97 . 

If a gym rat can't lose the weight, what hope does a mere mortal have ? 🙂

[Sootie]

I absolutely "hear" you on the weight. It is harder to lose weight and harder to give up food than cigarettes (in my opinion). Because with cigarettes you just have to stop...don't have any.....go thru hell..... but that's it. However, not as "easy" when trying to lose weight. You HAVE to eat. You can't just give it up and stop. So you have to consider calories, portions, exercise, proteins, carbs......it's a headache and a project.

However, while your recent try at weight loss may not have worked.....you did quit smoking. And that is a HUGE accomplishment AND a HUGE  blessing to you for your health and overall well being. 

So I won't talk carrots and snacks but I will say that quitting smoking is worth it. Glad you have this place to come and rage though.......we ALL need to RAGE every once in a while.

Just don't smoke.

[PastTense]

@Sootie I appreciate your support and kind words.

Honestly?  If I have to be fat for the rest of my life, then quitting was not worth it.

I am so sick of the unexpected consequences of quitting.  Weight gain is just one, but it is the most visible. I am so sick of experts saying it's better to be fat than a smoker - until you try to get health care and your doctor tells you to lose weight first.  And then - NOBODY can give you a workable solution to lose weight.  

[CommunityAdmin]

@PastTense I know its frustrating to gain weight! Your body is going through changes since quitting, but don't give up! Keep going! Things will balance out.

Quiana, EX Team

[PastTense]

What, exactly, will balance out, @CommunityAdmin ?

Multiple people have stated that their weight has never gone back to where they were pre-quit.  Multiple people have stated their metabolism is permanently changed.

IF "things balance out", when does this magic happen?

I am not interested in well-meaning but meaningless affirmations.  I have a REAL issue and I need REAL answers.  

[Sootie]

I don't have any REAL answers for you but I am drawn back to your post. You mentioned in your first post that you have seen doctors.......so I hope they did test your thyroid. 

Beyond that, I just want to say I hear you. It must be difficult t rejoice in the quit if your weight is stressing you as much as the smoking was. Maybe a more positive way to look at it is that smoking is so bad for your health and while I realize the weight is also not good for your health......the two combined must be deadly. So.....you've beaten one of them.  

I hope you find REAL ANSWERS because I know you need them....wish I had them but I don't.  My only REAL answer would be don't go back to smoking. And I know you aren't a newbie........but I lost a long quit once and I began to weaken because of weight. There were a lot of other things and it was a choice....I could have chosen more wisely and I hope you do. Smoking is never the answer to anything.

[Barbscloud]

@Sootie @PastTense  and myself are two of the quitters (there are a few others) that developed hypothyroidism as a result of quitting smoking.

If you're interested, there are some posts on this topic under the Mayo Clinic that we both have discussed weight loss and hypothyroidism side effect from quitting with the experts.  Not many answers to our concerns.

Barb

[PastTense]

@Sootie Right?  This is a huge issue to many of us that are still here.  There is no guidance, except for "reduce by 200 calories" which is absolute compost for an answer.  Anybody who has been carefully watching their weight doesn't have 200 extra calories laying around.  Not that it matters, because our bodies are not adding machines.  This isn't a pure calories in/calories out calculation by a long shot.

That's true of weight loss in general (especially long-term) and it's doubly true for ex-smokers.

The "experts" have zero idea of what really works.  NONE.  All you get is "eat less/move more" like we are both stupid and lazy for not having thought of that or tried it.  It is infuriating.  They will suggest you see your doctor.  That's a waste of time and co-pay.

If you go to the doctor they will suggest 

a) Surgery 

b) drugs - at $1,200 per month or

c) Weight Watchers

Nobody is taking this seriously except the people who are living this nightmare.

[champsin97]

I want to be clear about what I said in my first response.  I told you I gained 25 pounds when I quit and have not been back down to my pre quit weight since.  That is all true but I'll expand on it and explain further.  I did quit 18 years ago but the quit only lasted 10 months.  During that quit I gained 25 pounds even know I was a gym rat.  I started smoking again and I have never been back to pre quit weight.  I was still working out, doing cardio, doing circuit training and playing softball but I never got back to that weight.  Sure I would flucuate 10 pounds or so here and there but never back down to that weight again.  So I guess what I am saying is that starting smoking again didn't magically do anything for weight loss.  

Fast forward to my current quit.  I've been quit for 3 1/2 months and I've gained about 9 pounds.  I have had myself on a strict keto diet for the past 2 weeks and have lost 3 pounds.  When I finally get off my lazy ass and start exercising again it should come off faster.  Maybe you could try keto?  I don't know the answer but just trying to help.  I just wanted you to know  that starting smoking again didn't help.  

[Sootie]

Just a clarification 

Strangely----my body went into hyperthyroid when I quit smoking. Hyperthyroid revs up your metabolism and has you THINNER. Typically,  hypothyroid  causes weight gain. However, hyper can be very dangerous as it speeds up all organs in your body. I was not digesting food, I had pain from everything I ate AND....for the first time in my life I was warm/hot even in winter. I was told if it is allowed to go unchecked it can damage kidneys and heart and other organs.

I put a NOTE here that this was in 1983......at THAT time  they "killed" your thyroid and sent you into hypo which they knew how to treat better and more safely than hyper. My understanding from others is that now they no longer treat hyper that way.

So I now take meds for hypo.....but actually, quitting sent my body the other way. 

And my endocrinologist DID state that this probably came from quitting smoking or at least the quit contributed to it.

Just keep in mind that this is not a site for answers but rather a site for support and for others sharing their own experiences. It worked for them. And, while it may not work for you it is the sharing and caring that is the "EX" factor and the reason that I LOVE the site!

[Sootie]

OH!!!!!!!!---and no---sadly, I am not quit since 1983 (don't I wish!!). I went back to smoking when I went into hypothyroid BECAUSE of the weight gain and a number of other reasons that were just excuses I gave myself to become an addict again.

Good thoughtful discussion here. 

[PastTense]

@champsin97 I appreciate you clarifying.  

We know that smoking affects everything in our bodies.  It follows that quitting smoking also affects everything in our bodies.  Including and especially our metabolism.  We both have discovered this.  

It would be grand if there was real effort and research into losing weight.  The weight loss industry rakes in $72 billion with a "B" dollars annually and NONE of it works.

[PastTense]

@Sootie I also went into hyperthyroid and was diagnosed with Grave's Disease after quitting for the first time 20 years ago.  There is plenty of research that smoking and quitting affects the thyroid.  I did lose 10 lbs in a week - and had heart palpitations, intense fatigue, edema, and a myriad of truly awful symptoms.   

I took the meds but have been in remission for the last 10 years.  

I'm not likely to smoke again.  I already put the work in to quit and all the damage done is permanent.  Starting smoking won't reverse the damage.  

I am saying that I wish I had never bothered to quit.  I certainly hasn't done me any good.

[Anonymous]

“ I am saying that I wish I had never bothered to quit.  It certainly hasn't done me any good.” 

Hasn’t done you any good , yet maybe but the future is not here yet and by quitting you may have just saved yourself from having so much worse than what a weight issue could be . Just keep exercising and eating right , keep doing what you are doing and stop stressing about it . It will pay off even if you don’t lose weight. Smoking robbed us of our normal healthy weight . Some of us were meant to be thinner and still others heavier . It robbed us of rational thinking too . Really , smoking stole our true identity . 

What could be worse than being fat ( the word you use and imo not a very loving term of one’s self or others sorry   ) but worse could be cancer or maybe copd , or a stroke or heart disease from smoking ( ask those of us who have or are going through these things  ) so by quitting smoking you have cut your chances of getting those things nearly in half  .
So you see my feeling is this , you may not see any benefit yet but that doesn’t mean quitting has done nothing for you now or in the future . I hope you have benefitted so much from quitting now that in fact you will never get those things in the future . 

I think you might have have to find gratefulness for what you do have even if it’s extra weight right now and find true happiness with who you are inside and outside . Keep moving and be grateful . 

[PastTense]

No, @Anonymous , I will not be "grateful".  

I will be whatever I feel like being and right now that is pissed off.

Nobody is more invisible than a fat person.  Nobody is more judged than a fat person.  Nobody is less likely to get healthcare than a fat person.  

I'll be happy when I can wear my clothes again. 

[Barbscloud]

@PastTense This was on the news yesterday morning.  I thought you might find it interesting.

What Weight Tells Us about Our Health - Chasing Life with Dr. Sanjay Gupta - Podcast on CNN Audio

[PastTense]

Thanks, @Barbscloud .  I wasn't aware of this particular article, but I have seen many that are similar.

They all say the same thing; being overweight is socially unacceptable and nobody really has any answers on how to actually lose weight long term.

Quitting smoking has just exacerbated and already fraught situation.

[Barbscloud]

@PastTense What I liked about it, is that it sounded like some intelligent people are taking a different look at what we've believed for too long about weight loss and maintenance. 

Maybe the BMI isn't all the meaningful.  My PCP loves to see me and I tell her all this "stuff". LOL

Barb

[Barbscloud]

@PastTense I just saw my Endocrinologist today.   I was just dealing with my PCP at first.  She sill doesn't believe there's a connection between quitting smoking and developing Hypothyroidism.  I keep telling her to do some research.  I know...I should find someone else!

Barb

[PastTense]

I hope you get some relief with your Endo, @Barbscloud 

Dealing with health issues is draining.  Keep me posted.