Rage is a strong word to use at 5:45 in the morning. Who has energy for rage before coffee?
Not annoyance. Not impatience. Not even anger. Full on, red faced, noticeable increased blood-pressure, slathering, fist pounding, RAGE. Seriously, who has time and energy for that first thing in the morning?
I do. I have the energy for that. I was so angry this morning that I couldn't focus. Only years of habit and muscle memory got my teeth brushed and out the door on time. I am no longer pounding on things, but I am still full of rage.
Why so full of rage? Because I stepped on the scale this morning and I have gained two pounds. Not just any two pounds; the two pounds I worked hard to lose of the last two weeks. I joined a NYE challenge in an online fitness community. I have logged every bite. I have not eaten any sweet treats. I have reduced alcohol to 2 beers a week. I have met my step goal and worked out every, single day. I saw a dip on Wednesday and it's all back on Monday.
Could it be water weight? Sure. Maybe. Which means all my efforts are for NOTHING. NOTHING.
Since I quit smoking, absolutely not one single effing thing works to lose weight. With the effort I have made in the last year, I should be hanging off a charm bracelet. Instead, I'm buying fat pants.
Have I been to the doctor? - of course. I have done ALL THE THINGS. Every sensible thing. I am ready to try stupid things because nothing else works. If I had known how badly quitting would mess with my metabolism, I never would have done it. Honestly. It has not been worth it AT ALL.
I would start smoking again at noon if I thought it would change things back to normal. The only reason I haven't it because I don't think it would work. This is the new "normal" for my body and I hate it.
I know some idiot will come at me with a list of "healthy snacks". Don't. Just don't. Today is not the day.
