Wow, I had no idea how I could be so misunderstood from a blog post.
The topic was My “attic” cleaning –meaning my thoughts and feelings about my nicotine addiction. The letter was my first attempt at reframing my direction to go and anger was my feeling about having to deal with yet another issue in my Recovery! Anger. Dealing with feelings is an integral part of addressing any addiction and if left unaddressed WILL resort in relapse…MY relapse, no one else’s! Feelings are neither right nor wrong – they just are.
I appreciate anyone taking time to read my blog but make no mistake that I Blame anyone or anything outside myself for my addiction. On April 1st, this year, I will have 30 years clean/dry AND sober by the Grace of God, 12 Steps, a head-on approach to my own responsibility for my actions and self-examination. I do NOT simply “talk-the-talk”, I am not “fighting windmills” nor am I rationalizing or even anthropomorphizing one poor, little, innocent cigarette to excuse myself of blame. On the contrary, I am acutely aware of where blame lays, thank you.
But to assume that I have no idea of the health risk to myself because you “get” the “addiction mindset” is aloof and patronizing. It gets really simple for me EVERYDAY…I use, I die! But to shame me for reaching this point: “There's no more wiggle room on this one - it's either continue killing yourself, or don't…” and “There has got to be a part of you that is screaming for LIFE. A part of you that wants to FIGHT, that doesn't want to die the slow, horrible death from lung disease.” This is not the kind of support that I require! Your support skills need a little work.
I believe you had good intention when you were writing and I appreciate the attempt, however “Not everyone who wanders is lost”.
LA2012; Thanks for the help. I don’t believe cigarettes are Satanic but I will admit to wondering once or twice if they weren’t minor demons in training. I do so appreciate your good thoughts in my direction! I do talk with Creator about my Victory over nicotine on a regular basis…and before that’s misunderstood…it’s ok, Creator is a part of my life. I’m also a Non-Denominational Minister!
