Part A:
I received a message a few nights ago from a fellow member saying that she is giving up on her fight to quit. I have to honestly say that I feel so sad right now. My heart truly sank when I read her message.
I know it is her decision, and can accept that, but I feel like I may have somehow failed her. I look at what else I could have done in participation on this site to help not just her, but others to continue their fights. As a community, I believe we should all feel something when one of our fellow quitters gives up the good fight. I don't mean that we go into a downward spiral of depression and despair, but at least feel a little something as one of our own has fallen.
To my friend who, at the moment, has given up, may God bless you and keep you. Always remember that you CAN quit any time. I just ask that you do before it becomes too late. You, and everyone who take on this addiction in the battle of quit, are entirely too valuable to lose. I know sometimes we don't feel so valuable, but believe me, there is someone out there who's life will be forever changed if they lost you.
Part B:
I originally wrote Part A a week ago, but didn't realize that I never posted it. That was actually from Q-Day plus 10.
So, here it is, Q-Day plus 15. At this point, some of you may imagine that I am going to write saying how much easier life is right now. NO SIR!! Well, it is, because I have more energy, can breath more easily, and, for the most part, feel better. I had a couple mental setbacks in the last few days. Here's the skinny:
Setback 1: I arrived home last Friday from a work trip. The trip, which I was dreading two weeks ago, went relatively well. Any stresses were mitigated via stress management techniques (breathing, chewing, beating inanimate objects senseless; etc.). What go me was when I was waiting for the parking bus, I was down-wind from a couple smokers. Just as I realized what was happening, I found myself immersed in a puff cloud from the couple. The next day, hard core cravings. This was compounded by:
Setback 2: Saturday evening, we went to a birthday party. Four of the eight adults were smokers. It was easy enough to stay in the house with the non-smokers when the smokers went outside to fulfill their habit. However, when all the kids were outside playing on the trampoline, the two groups co-existed in the space surrounding the tramp. The smokers puffed away, which didn't bother me at all. What bothered me was that no matter which side of the trampoline I stood, the flippin flappin smoke followed me. The next day was filled with even more cravings.
Today was more bearable. I had a couple cravings. On Sunday and yesterday I went for bike rides and even went for a run after one of them. This helps me curb the strongest cravings. Would have done the same today, but my body is rebelling; maybe tomorrow.
The reason I wrote this wasn't to solicit any form of sympathy, but rather as a reminder to my fellow quitters that we must keep our guard up, especially during the first....say....6 months. We actually need to be on guard for the rest of our lives, but more vigilantly during the first 6 months as we march through our seemingly ever-increasing lists of triggers and learn coping skills for each and every one.
On a positive note, though, I have conquered my strongest craving, when drinking coffee. I now have two cups a day and don't even think about smoking. Actually, coffee has become sort of the anti-craving for me (and, thus, is probably becoming another addiction which I will need to break some day). In a few weeks I just might, yes might, attempt to have a whiskey sour, but can definitely wait to cross that bridge.
God bless...
