Steps up on Soap Box
I stopped by today because I saw that the site was updated again. It sure does look a lot different than it did years ago and different than it did just a month ago. I stop by here monthly. Sometimes I log in, some times I just lurk as a visitor.
I'm amazed at the many people who have stuck around for years. Helping people on a daily basis to prepare to quit. They pick them up and dust them off when they falter or relapse and continue to assist them. I think you people from the bottom of my heart. I imagine when you're here day in and day out that you want so much for people. It crushes you to see them relapse time and time again. Yeah I imagine you want to wring the necks of some people and tell them to get their act together. It's really really amazing what you do for people. I can also see how sometimes you feel like you just want to get short with someone and tell them it like it is. I caution you on doing so. They may be fragile and not wanting to hear it. They may need your compassion after 35 relapses. They obviously came here because they wanted to quit. I know some people just don't want to be helped. At least not at first. Even though I've quit here coming up on 4 years in a couple months I don't feel like I'm one of the group. I feel like I'm an outsider at times. Perhaps that's because I'm a man and there aren't many here. Also I'm a minority. I don't see a lot of minority represented here either. Perhaps there is, it just doesn't stick out and perhaps that is part of people wanting to be anonymous and not showing their faces in their pictures. We live in a world where so many people are not kind to each other. It's heartbreaking to me.
I hope that people will work to be more accepting of others here on the site. Some of us have mental illnesses and we want to quit. Some of us have traumatic pasts that make us act in unexplained ways. Some of us have home situations that make us feel isolated or broken. We might not share with you what is going on as we haven't been on here long enough to feel safe to share those intimate details about ourselves. So to be told, just figure it out and quit. It may not be that easy for us to do. We came here looking for the answers. We may not be strong enough to do the work to be successful initially. It's going to take some time to build up the confidence to quit.
Keep what I said above in mind.
Now I came to the site today and read multiple posts from people. Several about quitting. I also came across several posts by people just complaining about the community. Really? Why be negative? How does being negative make it better? If I came here as a new member and read the negativity that people put in posts about how they are not happy about the site now I'd probably leave right away. I wouldn't know any different as a new user. My summary of the community as a whole would be that it's not a very positive place and probably isn't a place that I want to quit. HOWEVER, as a person who quit here and had been reading long before I quit I know that there are amazing people here. So I challenge everyone. If you see negativity on the site, encourage the person to see things from a different perspective. I'm sure there are channels to provide feedback on the update. I know that the person who works on the site was active previously when they updated the site to help people get up to speed. He's probably so busy right now trying to tweak and adjust things. Saying something is bad and you don't like it is worthless. It doesn't help anyone and it doesn't work towards a solution. Be part of the solution. Step up and help new members. Don't be negative in public here on the site. Especially in the highly visible areas of the site. Ask where you can provide feedback that can be looked at and worked on and do it in an area of the site that is focused on that information. Spreading complaints all over the place is NOT Productive at all. As an engineer we're very process oriented. We can do amazing things and can make changes but people need to provide feedback through the proper channels. Persistent negativity is pointless. And if memory serves me correctly, people were complaining the last time when they moved to the previous platform about not liking it and now they complain again that they liked the last platform but don't like the new one. I hope you will find something positive and work to make it a place you like. I think the company behind the site wants you to like it, they need your help to be part of the solution.
