Poison

[blacknmild]

I already knew, going to the smoke shop, that it was a good day for a relapse (2 days clean! Yay!). 

I’ve been bored, my life is hard, I couldn’t see my friends, my life sucks, I’m broke, etc. My mind was going full apologia, debate taught me junkie rationalizations. 

I made it 1/3 through a Black & Mild before I tapped out. I called everyone on the way, saw stores I could stop at to distract me from my journey and still I persevered in killing myself. I ran like 5 red lights on the way there, hoping a bicycle crash would stop me from getting to the smoke shop. But it didn’t, god was on my side, and if there’s something up there it was telling me it was my choice. 

I made it 1/3 of the way through before I stomped it out and cursed myself. I even reset my quit date on the way to the store. 

It’s a journey I can keep going on. I knew failing would make me taste ash, but I can still make it clean. And I will. 

[blacknmild]

My mouth still tastes like shit. It's hard knowing all the things I would usually "treat myself" with instead of smoking are things I can't afford, and the only thrill that I can indulge in without breaking my budget is a 99 cent Black & Mild. Just makes things so much harder, but I'm still going to stop this fuck shit.

[JonesCarpeDiem]

It's tough to suddenly have to rearrange our thinking while we're missing the  drug.

Try to step outside yourself and see what you're doing when you feel this coming on and

SELF TALK

 It's just as easy to talk yourself out of smoking as it is to talk yourself into it,

"I don't do that anymore."

Say it every time you think of smoking

[sweetplt]

First, your attitude is everything...so starting using words like “can, no matter what, I am stronger, etc.,”...we all have it tough, etc., but we made our quit number one and did others things then smoke...it wasn’t easy...times I cried, but I said NOPE (not one puff ever)...have you done the work suggested to you...? Preparation, Knowledge and hard work is what gets you to Day 1 , Day won...Dale above me is so right, it is self talk...You can do it...Gotcha in my Thoughts 227 DOF 

[YoungAtHeart]

You had many opportunities to stop yourself along the way to buy that cigar/cigarillo.    You let your mind talk you into it - over and over again.   Next time, write a "HELP" blog and give us time to talk you down off the ledge.

Did you do any of the reading I offered?  Hope so!  If not, now might be a good idea to do some of it.  It helps to understand exactly what is going on in your head, and how you might change your mind's direction.  The idea is to short circuit those thoughts the minute they start.  You can instead concentrate on your breathing, or march in place, or count the white things in a room, or count backwards from 1,000, or play a computer game, or work on a crossword or jigsaw puzzle.  You need to work at this in the early days, but it does get easier as time passes.  I recommend you put the money you are saving by not buying smokes in a jar or separate place and think about ways you might reward yourself with something (or somewhere) special.

Nancy

[AnnetteMM]

YOU gave yourself permission. YOU did. You cannot rely on anyone else (God?) to stop you. It's all up to you to step up.

[indingrl]

Welcome and CONGRATS on DAY ONE! yahooooooo way to GO! If YOU always DO what you've always done you'll always get what YOU always got - YOUR CHOICE - life OR death - gentle hug ❤

[elvan]

You CAN do this...get right back up and learn from this.  The addiction will try to get you back any way that it can...it's up to you to stand up for yourself and we will help you in any way that we can.

Ellen