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Share your quitting journey

Perspective 2.0

elvan
Member
3 10 135

When I read Chuck_Quit_2-20-2011 's blog today, it made me think about my OWN father's diagnosis of lung cancer.  My father quit smoking when he had a heart attack, he was 48 years old.  Eleven years later, he was diagnosed with TB and had to spend 6 months in a sanitarium.  Fast forward another 9 years and he was diagnosed with emphysema.  He was discouraged but he upped his exercise routine, changed up his diet, and he did not smoke.  Twenty-two years after he quit smoking, he was being screened for by pass surgery because he had suffered two more heart attacks after the first one and he had a significant amount of damage to his coronary arteries.  It was just before the 4th of July weekend, he was devastated by the diagnosis, two months later, in September, he was told that the radiation had cleared him and the cancer was at the very least, in remission.  He and my mother and his siblings and their spouses, went out to dinner to celebrate this amazing news.  During the night, he woke up with severe chest pain.  He was rushed to the hospital where his cardiologist decided to pull him off his cardiac medications because he felt that they were probably making it harder for him to breathe.  He felt that the chest pain was the lung cancer despite what my father had been told.  I called the cardiologist two days later when my mother let me know that Dad had been transferred into ICU.  He was at the first hospital where I ever worked and I knew the doctor well.  He told me that he had made a terrible mistake (you never want to hear that from a doctor).  He said that he was so sure that the lung cancer was causing Dad's pain that he pulled the cardiac meds and it turned out that he had a massive heart attack.  He told me that the next 24 hours would tell what was going to happen but his condition was very critical.  I was living in Arizona because my husband was in college there, we were moving back to NY, where my parents lived on Sept 6th, this was all happening on Sept 3rd.  I had a terrible sinus infection and had to go to the doctor myself, I was praying with all of my might on the drive to the doctor's that my father would survive so I could see him again.  In the middle of my prayers, I stopped and asked for forgiveness for my selfishness in wanting him to stay alive if he was suffering.  I asked God to do what was best for my father, if it was time for him to go, to let him go peacefully.  I said my prayers at 2:00 in the afternoon in AZ, 5:00 in NY.  When I got home, the phone rang and I was told that my father had died at 5:00.  For YEARS, I felt guilty about that prayer, like I had that kind of power to tell God to take him and he would.  I was still a smoker then and I didn't slow down at all.  I felt like my father had quit for 22 years and he still got lung cancer, what was the point.  I'll tell you what the point was, I got 22 more years with my Dad and I adored that man, there are five kids in my family and I was the only one who had to come from across the country for his funeral.  My heart ached, it STILL aches because I miss him.  Six years later, I had my son and I named him after my Dad.  Think about it, 22 years...I am so glad he quit when he did.  I wish I had been smart enough to quit years ago but I have over three years free now and I can only hope to be here for MY kids, his grandchildren, for as long as possible.  It is NEVER too late to quit.  NEVER!

10 Comments
MarilynH
Member

I am so sorry Ellen, you are so right that it's NEVER TOO LATE TO TAKE BACK YOUR LIFE!!!! Thanks elvan

TerrieQuit
Member

Thank-You so much for sharing this with us, Ellen elvan  I am so glad that you and I are quit now! We can't take it (the smoking) back! You set an excellent example for us all! Thanks, Ellen! Congratulations on your over 3-year quit!   ~Terrie~

RachelMB
Member

Sweet Ellen-

Thank you for sharing such a powerful blog with us.  We can't undo what we did but we can stay quit and help others to do the same.  Big hugs to you! xoxoxo

Rachel

Mandolinrain
Member

Oh Ellen, I am so sorry. My biggest fear was now that I finally quit smoking, I would have lung cancer. I lost a close friend two years to it after she quit. I am at about 2 and half years...so I was  and still am worried.

I love God and Jesus so much.I can't afford t worry anymore. This site reminded me of that. All of you. The  I worry I am not trusting God can handle it.

There are no promises. We smoked , we quit. If we continued to smoke, prognosis would be worse. I lost my dad to pancreatic cancer. He never told us....he died within 6 months of diagnosis. He smoked an occasional cigar.

I will hold you in prayer as well, cause this stuff is just not easy and while time heals some things, we still benefit from prayer. Hugs and love dear friend

Chuck-2-20-2011

Life situations really do teach us lessons if we think about them. I'm so glad you got that 22 years and that you realize what a blessing that was. Obviously, I feel for your past sadness just as you felt bad for mine, but in the end we both got through. We both gained the incredibly wonderful freedom that awaits one at the end of the journey that we took and what the heck? We can honor our fathers by the fact that we both finally quit, right?

 Perspective changes over time and thankfully we're both around to think about that. Thank you for posting this. perhaps it will give some "perspective" to others. 

ONWARD TO FREEDOM!!!

Chuck

freeneasy
Member

What a story Ellen. It's amazing that you remember so much detail. I know it's easy for me to say, but I don't think you have to feel guilty for praying  Thy Will Be Done.

Thomas3.20.2010

God is bigger than any of us or our petitions! HE knows where your heart was in that moment! LOVE! What you are missing isn't God's understanding - it's your forgiveness! Your Dad knows what you are feeling right now and just wants you to be kind to yourself, Ellen! Forgiveness is a HUGE part of our Quit Journey! Forgive Yourself and know that you are loved dearly!

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/message/74666-love-yourself-chapter-2?sr=search&searchId=04bd1f37...

elvan
Member

Thank you, ALL of you, I cried when I wrote that blog and again when I read your comments.  My little sister was 21 when Dad died, I was 30.  She never knew him as a smoker.  I hadn't known him as a smoker since I was 8, that's pretty impressive.  

No one knows how much time we have left but we CAN do whatever we need to in order to make the most of what we do have...and that means NOT SMOKING!

Ellen

Maggie8-1-2010

I simply adore reading your insights, regardless of the motivation for writing Ellen. I really do appreciate you!

I still haven't figured out how to put a new message on someone's profile. This place is so different from what it used to be when I was coming here routinely.  I wrote an response that I thought would go directly to you, instead it posted to Jackie. I have copied it and am going to post it here. I'm sorry that this is not the right place.  Keep up your strength woman!

Hi Ellen! I'm still learning my way around this site. The contents are very 'new to me' so I'm trying to get up to speed.  Please forgive me if I miss something and feel free to send me a direct email. Do you already have that? Wishing you a wonderful day! I haven't gone to bed yet so I best get there before morning dawns out here on the West coast!  

elvan
Member

Maggie_8-1-2010  Thanks so much for your kind comments.  I live on the East Coast and I TRY to sign off early enough at night so I can sleep.  

Getting used to this site has been another one day at time journey for me...I CAN tell you that if you want to specifically comment to a person, you can do so either on their blog as you just did or you can @mention that person, like I did with you.  For private messages, click on the person's name and their page will come up and give you "actions" on the right side, scroll to Direct Message and that will go directly to the person's inbox.

Thanks again,

Ellen

About the Author
Retired RN, worked ICU/ER developed RA in early 90's, unable to work because of brittle bones from high dose steroids. Diagnosed with COPD 5 yrs ago but sure it was there and progressing long before. Live with severe chronic pain, degenerative disc disease, had both upper lobes of my lungs removed in 2015. Struggle with shortness of breath. Work in son's cafe as a cashier 2 days a week to be around people. I am a people/animal person. Lost my home and three cats in a fire on my ten month anniversary of quitting smoking. Never thought of smoking, knew it wouldn't help anything.