been out of it all day. Last night was terrible, woke up at midnight to a terrible panic attack. I was sacred to death heart beating out of my chest felt like I couldn't breathe hot flashes. I thought I was having a heart attack I was so scared sweating nothing could calm me down. Also fearing I would go into another psychogenic seizure it made me really panic more. I love my mom but sometimes shes not that to emotional available. I live with her so she's been there through my seizures and honestly I don't think she knows just how terrible they feel to me. I know their non epileptic, but it makes me feels like my mind is working against me in a sort away. How it had that much control over me to just shut down when ever I feel threatened or stress. I feel like I don't even have a chance to address it. My body chooses for me. For the first time through the 2 years I've had this condition last night while I was having my panic attack, my mom told me she was sick of me. Sick of my sickness. She showed me no emotional support and all through while I'm trying to breathe she screamed and yelled at me and told me to shut up. It got so bad o felt lightheaded I called the paramedics. She was so mad at me. At that point I was hoping something was wrong with me to just stop the insults and names she was calling me. They arrived and checked my pulse and heart rate blood pressure. Everything came out fine. I was getting 100% oxygen. They said I was having a panic attack and left. My mom scolded at me then went up stairs and I could here her making a phone call and laughing. I feel so broken after this. I'm scared thinking when will I have another one, but that last night just broke my soul. I can't wait until my new anxiety medication kicks in.
