Friends, I haven't been on here much this week because alot has been going on. I gained two pounds back that I'd lost on the date of my three week quit anniversary. That really set me into a tailspin, but I got my legs back under me after a good workout and then seeing my nutritionist that day. We figured out I had- oops -been doing a few things incorrectly and we adjusted. So, now my hope is back on track.
I do not plan to smoke. I do not think smoking is the answer to anything. I am not on here asking to be talked down from the ledge of not going out to grab a pack. I don't plan to do that at all. I've come too far. I do still sometimes struggle with the mindset of I'm not missing out on anything but then I try my best to tell nicodemon to shut up and I think of all the positives from my quit, inc. not breathing hard when walking upstairs, no bad taste in mouth, smell the flowers again, etc. I also imagine how it would actually feel to smoke again and it grosses me out. And, I'd just be so disappointed in myself I could not bear it. i remember the great advice on here of how would I then feel the next day? Oooh I cannot even go there. So no, not gonna do it!
To work on the mindset I'm trying to get to the readings as often as I can. Nicodemon is an evil sucker so it is going to take time to get to the place where the thought of deprivation does not even enter into my mind in the first place. I'm still in that place where it does enter and then I have to work through it with the truths about smoking and why it is not a pleasure. It is a challenge for me though so I must be honest about that or why come to this site to share?
Here is what I am REALLY having BIG TIME trouble with for past three days. I am still having cravings and last 3 days they have been mega intense. I do not get it. I really don't. I am scared. As I write about more below one of my biggest reasons for quitting was to get rid of anxiousness. At first, I was experiencing that freedom. Last three days - I do not have that positive benefit of quitting at ALL.
At first w/ Chantix I had very few cravings. Then started this deal where I go 4 days almost none then 3 days where they return. But these last 3 days, after I passed the "first three week" roller coaster, my cravings have worsened to the most intense I've had all along. Why? I thought things were only supposed to get better. Mine are getting worse as I get further out, not less in intensitiy and duration. What the heck? I am scared cuz I know I have to quit Chantix in several months too. I have been sooooo happy with my quit bc I no longer had those nervous nelly moments between cigs, but now, I'm a flippin wreck and do have this constant nervous itch without the cigs. So I am bummed - one of the most positive reasons for my quit which I did experience at first, was knowing I'd no longer have a cig and then spend the rest of my moments between cigs like a nervous wreck waiting till the next one. When I quit, I was so happy to be free of that tension, but now that tension is back with a vengeance and I don't get it. WHY???? I am over 3 weeks out. I soooo long for that sigh of relief that I am no longer a slave to nicotine who just cannot truly enjoy life inbetween cigs because I can't wait to get to the next one. But that relaxed, freedom feeling I had at first is gone these past 3 days so I feel really frustrated and scared. I want my quit to rid me of anxiousness, not cause it. I wrote about how as a smoker I was not enjoying dinners out with friends or family because I wanted to rush through them so I could get home to a cig and how that was one of my reasons for quitting. My first couple of weeks in, I was enjoying those dinners out a whole lot more. If a craving came, it also fairly quickly left. NOT these past 3 days. These past 3 days after dinner I feel like pulling my hair out and have insomnia because my cravings intensify so badly at night.
I went to the dentist this morning and was hoping a good cleaning would do a great deal of good. It did. Until dinner tonight. Then, the cravings hit again, wham. I tried deep breathing, thinking all of the positives I've had since quitting, but then, they just got worse and here I am and it is 1am in the morning and I cannot sleep. I am having such intense cravings it is just ARGH. I am NOT going to go buy a pack but, please tell me what the hell is going on. How can this be normal if it is supposed to get better the farther along I go??? I do not understand why this would be hitting so hard now if it is true that things are supposed to get better the farther along I go.
WHAT THE FLIPPIN HECK IS GOING ON???????? Has ANYONE heard of this happening before or experienced this themselves AFTER 3 weeks out???????????? How can cravings WORSEN with TIME???
