Well, I'm giving myself a week. One more week to be a slave...
I went to a smoke shop here in Moore, and I found these little filters that go on the end of your cigarette called "Tar Trappers". They are supposed to block the tar and other harmful chemicals from entering your lungs.... I bought a pack of them.. I figured, what the hell, they're only 1.99 and if they don't work then who cares... so, I took one out of the package, put it on the end of my cigarette, smoked it...and when I was done.... the once clear filter was filled with a blackish brown gross substance... and I thought to myself "my God! is this what I've been putting in my lungs for the past 8 years everyday???" MAN! I was so disgusted! I had originally moved my quit date to the end of the month but after seeing that.... I wanted to puke!
Thank you to all of you who left me encouraging messages on my previous post. Things haven't really gotten any better, infact, my life has actually gotten worse.. my grandma had a stroke, my brother had to have a cat scat because the doctor found a "mysterious" lump in his neck, my parents, who have been married for 38 years, almost got divorced, and my son has been sick with RSV and a double ear infection...... on the bright side, I've made peace with the fact that all I can do is the best I can, and if in the end it doesn't work out with Matt, then it wasn't meant to be..... but my main focus is myself and my son. Getting OUR lives together before I worry about anyone elses... I have decided to go back to college. I am debating on whether to be a doctor (pediatric neuro surgeon) or a lawyer. I love both fields.. but it's just such a hard choice. I am getting an apartment with a friend from work who has Lukemia and is one of the strongest women I know.... one of the strongest PEOPLE I know for that matter. She is 21 and 2 short years ago, her mom died from cancer. She owns her own business, works as a bartender on the weekends and works full time with me monday-friday. She has decided to decline chemo right now, so we are both kind of in a rough place on our lives, which is why is it SO great to have eachother.
Keep the words of encouragment and the sweet things ya'll say comin! I need them right now.
One week and counting....
