On shaky ground!

[Maryangela]

So here's the cold hard truth.  I feel like I've been lying to everyone, even myself!  I didn't quit smoking because I know it's a STUPID thing to do, or because I love myself enough not to intentionally hurt me, or because of the hundreds of dollars that I was burning every month.  And to be honest,  I didn't quit smoking because I was ready, or because I was taking valuable time from my family to smoke.  I didn't quit because my addiction was growing more and more severe, to the point of only getting an average of five hours of sleep a night due to wanting to smoke as long as possible.  I didn't even quit because my 15 year old daughter worried daily about loosing me to cancer!  

I quit because I'm having a tummy tuck in July and my surgeon asked if I used any nicotine and  I said no. This was on a Friday, on Monday I laid them down.  I want to smoke daily, actually I want to smoke hourly, if there was a "minutely" I want to smoke "minutely"!  

Because of this, I'm feeling anxious daily about starting again after surgery.  I will have 13 weeks of FREEDOM before I would allow myself, once again,  to try to commit a slow and horrible death by tobacco.  But everyday, instead of counting my days of freedom, I count how much longer until I can get a pack!  

This sickness "ain't no joke"! 

[gregp136]

Yes, it looks like you set yourself up to start smoking again in July.  And I would think that the nicotine demon in your brain is reminding you of this daily.....and hourly...

But like all quits, it is all about where your head is at.  If you could instead change to "Thank God for the Tummy tuck to give me the final push I needed to quit for good!"

Or something along those lines.  

It is all about you controlling what is in your head!

Greg

[Maryangela]

Ok, there's a thought!  Never thought to look at it that way.  Thanks!  I'll surely try!!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Fortunately,  you came to the right place even if you did not immediately divulge the truth.  I suggest that you focus on all the information that was given to you to educate yourself about nicotine addiction.  Try to get the idea out of your mind that you are going to smoke again.  Education is the best way to truly close the door to nicotine addiction.  You must relearn behavior and remove the brainwashing that you have to or need to smoke.  Who wants to smoke anywho? 

[YoungAtHeart]

I am thinking that you care very much about your appearance.  How attractive do you think you are when you smoke?  Do you not feel like an outcast now?  Do you realize that you smell like a dirty ashtray?  How attractive is THAT?  Your skin is probably very sallow, as well.  I had folks tell me that my skin seemed to glow after I quit!

I think, perhaps, after you have experienced all the GOOD things about being quit, perhaps you won't be so ready to go back to smoking.  Have you noticed your smell and taste improving, the increase in your energy level, the extra time in your day, an actual REDUCTION in your level of stress, and more $$$ in your pocket?  Please do the reading I will suggest to you to better understand addiction.  You don't have to want to quit smoking - but you have to be willing. 

The most important thing you can do right now is to educate yourself on what nicotine does to your body and mind. To that end, I highly recommend Allen Carr's “The Easy Way to Stop Smoking.” This is an easy and entertaining read. Here is a link to a free PDF version of it:

http://media.wix.com/ugd/74fa87_2010cc5496521431188f905b7234a829.pdf

 You should also read the posts here and perhaps go to the pages of folks who you think might be helpful. You might visit whyquit.com, quitsmokingonline.com and livewell.com for the good information contained there. @https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/groups/best-of-ex has lots of blogs written by members of this site with their experiences and guidance.

The idea is to change up your routines so the smoking associations are reduced.  Drink your coffee with your OTHER hand. If you always had that first smoke with your coffee, try putting your tennies on right out of bed, going for a quick walk, then taking your shower and THEN your coffee! Rearrange the furniture in the areas you used to smoke so the view is different. Buy your gas at a different station. Take a different route to work. Take a quick walk at break time where the smokers AREN'T.

You need to distract yourself through any craves.  You can take a bite out of a lemon (yup - rind and all), put your head in the freezer and take a deep breath of cold air, do a few jumping jacks, go for a brisk walk or march in place, play a computer game.  Don't let that smoking thought rattle around in your brain unchallenged. Sometimes you need to quit a minute or an hour at a time.  You will need to be disciplined in the early days to distract yourself when a crave hits.    Get busy!  Here is a link to a list of things to do instead of smoke if you need some fresh ideas:

https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/Youngatheart.7.4.12-blog/2013/02/25/100-things-to-do-instea...

The conversation in your head in response to the "I want a cigarette" thought needs to be, "Well, since I have decided not to do that anymore, what shall I do instead for the three minutes this crave will last?"  Then DO it.  You will need to put some effort into this in the early days, but it gets easier and easier to do.

Stay close to us here and ask questions when you have them and for support when you need it. We will be with you every step of the way!

Nancy

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

I'll give you my blessing to go back to smoking if you can list for me FIVE positive things you get from smoking.  I'll even help you out with the first one:

1.)  A brief dopamine high.

2.)

3.)

4.)

5.)

When you finish that I'll put together a list for you of 101 negative things you get from smoking.

I appreciate your honesty.

[jbliesmer]

I really have no advice for you. I wish I could change your mindset. My quit was the total opposite of yours. I wanted it worse than anything.

Also, I don't like to lose. So there is that. 

I hope in the next month or so until your surgery you can explore the good and the bad. Write it down. And if you still don't want the quit, then don't.

It's your choice.

[Giulia]

It's interesting:  all those reasons you've listed for not being THE reasons you've quit are, of course, all the valid reasons you feel and know you should.  You'll know that same truth when and if you go back to smoking too.  And it will niggle your brain.

You're feeling anxious because you've quit and anxious because you're afraid you'll go back to smoking.  Fascinating, Captain.  Guess ultimately you'll have to choose the one that makes you feel less anxious.  

You've kept the option to smoke alive and well for the past 12 weeks.  When I quit I decided to do so for Lent -  40 or so days.  A finite period.  When I made that decision I gave myself permission to smoke when it was over.  But I KNEW in my heart of hearts, that if I quit for that amount of time, I would never then go and put a cigarette in my mouth.  Not after all that work.  And although I suspected I might still want a cigarette, I figured I probably wouldn't want one quite as badly as I did during the first day or week.  And I for SURE never wanted to go through the start-up process ever again.  So I, unlike you, put the option to smoke out of my head for those days.  It made it easier.  That was over 11 years ago.  Seemed to work for me.  

You have to find what works for you.  An upcoming tummy tuck is working for you.  Let's hope there isn't a more pressing surgery in your future necessitated by the fact that you went back to smoking, if you do.  You don't have to.

[elvan]

I really hope, like all of the others above, that you will educate yourself on smoking...on how to QUIT smoking and start living.  You will heal much better after the surgery as a nonsmoker, you will save enough money from not smoking to reward yourself in many ways.  You will, more importantly, save your own life.  I promised myself that I would answer the question HONESTLY about what smoking a cigarette would do for me after I quit.  I could not HONESTLY convince myself that it would take away my chronic pain (although I had done that for years), I knew it did not help with sadness or depression, I knew that it actually contributed to increased stress instead of helping me with stress.  I knew that it did not help with anger because I had tried it many times.  After I quit and started to experience life on life's terms...the way people who never became addicts always did, after that, I started to grow in ways I had never expected.  I realized that it was OKAY to get angry, that it was OKAY to cry, I learned to feel all of the feelings that I had stuffed over the years.  My life has been irreversibly damaged and likely shortened by smoking, I regret that every day but I NEVER, EVER regret quitting smoking. Taking this journey one step at a time and reading blogs and asking for and taking the advice of the people here.  I have friends here who I will have for all of my life.  People I care about as much as family because they ARE family...a chosen family.

I really hope that you can find a way to care enough about yourself to want to stay quit.  I won't tell you that it is easy because that has not been my experience, I have WORKED at keeping my quit, I have nurtured it and put it first when I needed to.  I sincerely hope that you can do the same thing.  I appreciate your honesty.

Ellen

[Puff-TM-Draggin]

Maryangela‌?  Is there such a thing as a tummy-tuck-tuck; give yourself another 13 weeks to ponder?  

[c2q]

I'm sitting in for the Goddess of Quitting Smoking.

She has lent me her list of "Successful Quitters:  The Real Reason They Quit." Let me just look through this ....

no, no, I don't see "doing something good for myself so that I can do something good for myself" on the list . . .

no wait, there it is -- all over the place.

I'm not sure if I should tell you this secret or not, but I am going to. After your surgery, you probably aren't going to want to smoke either. Your body won't recover as fast, it can't fight infections as well -- you'd be crippling your recovery. But that's not important right now. Right now, relax and enjoy freedom from cigarettes. Scream "I really want a cigarette!" out the car window at everyone you pass by. It's very therapeutic. 

[Jennifer-Quit]

Well I do hope that you can decide to quit for you and not just for a surgery.  Try working on getting your head in the right place - it doesn't matter how attractive a woman is - she can drop from a 10 rapidly by sticking a cigarette in her mouth - just saying....

[Maryangela]

Thank you so much!  I did read Allen Carr's book, loved it!  I'll certainly look into the other things you mentioned. Thanks, really!

[Maryangela]

HELPFUL-

2.Relaxes me.

3.Gives me alone times with no effort.

4.Kills my appetite, I've gained 10pounds since my quit day!!!!!!

can't come up with another one! 

[Maryangela]

WELL said!!!!!

[Maryangela]

Thank you!

[indingrl]

Thank you Maryangela for you courage honesty and most of all for your truth about your belly fat... you gotta want NICOTINE freedom not just for belly fat.... you gotta want NICOTINE FREEDOM for just you in Jesus name amen keep on keeping on... NOT ONE PUFF OVER YOU in Jesus name amen

[elvan]

Maryangela   It does not relax you, it speeds up your heart rate and shuts down circulation to your hands and feet, it is the addiction to nicotine that is telling you that it relaxes you...you are satisfying the addiction for that moment and when the nicotine level drops, you will feel another need to "relax" ...FEED ME, FEED ME.

You can have alone time just by stepping outside and taking deep breaths...that doesn't take any effort.

Eat good foods and drink lots of water, water takes my appetite down...so does walking or doing something.  I lost more than one quit because of concerns over weight...it's not like it immediately was taken off because I started smoking again,  I still had to work at it.  Cancer and COPD also cause weight loss...weight loss is not always a good thing and it is not worth sacrificing your health.  Take my word for it...I sacrificed mine.

[freeneasy]

Take it one day at a time A day without smoking is a win no matter what it is that is motivating you. I quit smoking mainly because of a surgery set back but along the way, I realized that being smoke-free is a better way of life.

[gardenancy8]

shoot, you've come this far, you might as well stay quit!   I'm sure after you've healed from surgery, you wouldn't go and purposely do something that harms you.  Well smoking harms you.  And if you're brave enough to go in for a tummy tuck, don't you want to be healthy to enjoy that tummy tuck for a long time?   Glad  you came here and opened up. You know the right thing to do, and I think your daughter would be super proud of you if you told her you were staying quit for her. sending prayers. 

[Maryangela]

Thank you!

[elvan]

Maryangela‌ We REALLY all want you to take this journey, to get healthier, to reap the benefits of a solid quit.  We KNOW what that is like.

Ellen

[Maryangela]

Thank you Ellen!  I know you guys must get so tired of this same song and dance from all of us new quitters.  All I can say is THANK YOU ALL,  thank you very much!

[elvan]

Maryangela‌ We are here because we want to be here, we don't get tired of the same song and dance because we sang it and we danced it...that's how we got here.  My favorite expressions are "The only way out is through" and "One step and then another will get you to where you want to be."

Ellen

[MarilynH]

One precious smoke free day at a time or if need be one hr, one minute or even one second at a time,life really does get easier and easier as time goes on.....