Of course, I'm smoking

[cheyenne7]

It's very depressing to never get this, again.  The weekend was full of problems, no need to list them and although I will agree that they are excuses, I also believe that the first few days of a quit really have a much, much higher chance when surprise problems don't pop-up. I think that's just logical.  All I can do is keep trying, I really want to succeed at this, I really do.  If I do succeed, I will be sure to post......right now I'm going to go back to icing my wasp stings (I'm allergic), and get ready for work. That's just a small piece of my weekend.  Excuses I know, but damn, I need some humdrum time.

xo

Peace

[stAn3]

Sorry to hear about the bad weekend. Keep us posted!

[YoungAtHeart]

Hurry back!  This effort really IS a matter of life and breath.

Nancy

[Mandolinrain]

You can do this, I had to personally come to the point of hitting rock bottom. Maybe thats you too. Once you do, you will know. Seeds are planted. Don't give up....they will root, eventually.

[cheyenne7]

thank you!

[cheyenne7]

I will, thank you

[cheyenne7]

I won't give up, thank you, pray I get this soon

[Mandolinrain]

I will pray for you tonight! ...and everyrnight

[Giulia]

"Of course, I'm smoking."  Why do you say that?  It doesn't have to be so.  You've quit before.  There doesn't have to be an "of course."  Change your thinking.  You know they're all excuses.  But I think you still want an excuse to smoke, maybe?  Do you?  Want an excuse to smoke?  You know they're excuses, but you still make them.  Why?  Hum drum time?  God, I don't know if I've ever gone through a complete day of hum drum time.  There is always SOMETHING that doesn't go the way it could in the best of circumstances.  Something that upsets the apple cart.  Some things do, but then there's always that one or two or three that don't. 

Come on, Cheyenne, you know what you need to do to be free.  Just - do it.  Trying to - can go on forever.  At some point we need to move on past the "trying" to accepting and achieving.   Peace to you too.  Peace of mind by accepting the journey and not succumbing to the addict excuse.   

[Tabbiekat]

Two weeks after my initial quit, a long list of excuses, I made the choice to smoke again. Spent the day smoking. Stopped that night and reset my quit for the next day. Spent the next month kicking myself and just not liking myself for letting the excuses win. Spent the next few weeks going over the 48 hrs that led up to my smoking again. Spent a few months doing the "I quit 8 no 6 weeks ago and I quit 12 no 10 weeks ago" My 1 yr quit is approaching in 2 months, should be a month n  a half and would be if I did not smoke that day.  Don't dwell on it, you are ready, stop and reset your quit now. You can do this. Keep quitting till it sticks.

Keeping you in my prayers.

Tabbie

[RachelN]

I was just getting ready to post to my blog.  I was on day 35 and I smoked tonight.  No man land got me.  It's a holiday weekend and I went out with my old friends, who I've been avoiding because they are smokers, and I smoke four cigarettes.  My husband is not speaking to me and my youngest son told me he was disappointed in me.  I know how you feel.  We need to get up tomorrow and start again.  We have to start, we have to believe we are worthy of not smoking.  I'm sorry you smoked.  Good luck.

[Posamari]

RIGHT THERE, you said it in a nutshell, RachaelN---

"We have to believe we are worthy of not smoking."

And really believe it.

[karenjones]

You will not get any humdrum time until you quit smoking. smoking makes you depressed. How to stop smoking, ?  Stop putting a cigarette to your lips and lighting it with a lighter and inhaling. de-toxing is no fun for sure. but you are doing the right thing by quitting right again and having day one immediately. Between my losing my quits I would let a month or so go by, which did not help. This is a horrible addiction, do not stop fighting it, you fell and we are going to help you to get back up and begin again, you r walk to freedom. You learned something right?  Not one puff ever.  NOPE  hope you have a better day today.

[elvan]

Ah, Cheyenne, I won't tell you that I am not disappointed, I AM, I would really like to to HONESTLY answer...what did smoking do for you?  Did it fix the stings?  Did it make everything smooth and peaceful? Wow, if I waited for my life or even three days in a row of my life to be smooth and peaceful...I'd spend a lot of time waiting. Your addiction is strong but you really ARE stronger.  We want you here and we want you to succeed, no one here wants to see you go through this over and over and over again.  You are better and brighter than this addiction.

Hugs,

Ellen

[AnnetteMM]

This was exactly my take...as long as there's an "of course" there will never be a forever quit.

[maryfreecig]

     Everything was a problem when I first quit, a few were significant, but mostly it was me feeling overwhelmed by everyday problems. Early on, I'd shut down if too much trouble came on...zone out. It's nearly five years later and I've learned to deal with problems without smoking. It wasn't easy at first...it hurt...and like I said, if I couldn't handle it, I'd do something to distract myself til I felt more steady. 

     Is my life really easier today? I suspect I'm a better adjusted person now and there for problems don't seem to be personal... or why me? kinda problems.

     You can pick yourself up and learn how to cope so that you can get your quit on track.

[MarilynH]

I'm just reading this now Cheyenne, you've got to believe in yourself and be willing determined and totally committed to succeed in quitting smoking and you can and will be successful there's never going to be a good time to quit because life is going to happen good and bad whether you smoke or not and choosing to quit and sticking with N.O.P.E and vigilance no matter what is happening in life will give you your Smokefree Life, Mindset is key to a lifetime of Freedom we're all here to help you in any way we can.....

[indingrl]

Thank you for your honesty with yourself and your courage blogging self truth-of course your USING YOUR DRUG OF CHOICE NICOTINE YOUR AN ADDICT AND DOING WHAT ADDICTS DO BY YOUR OWN PERSONAL CHOICE TO ALWAYS DO WHAT YOU ALWAYS DONE AND GET WHAT YOU ALWAYS GOT-to live your OWN life and receive the consequences of your OWN personal CHOICE- many early deaths-massive heart attack OR long suffering by slow coughing with suffocating OR....the list is endless-just remember-you CHOSE-NO ONE FORCED YOU TO SUCKED ON DEATH STICK -thanks for reminding ME-BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD GO I  - YOU CAN CHOOSE TO QUIT NOW -  its up to YOU - YOU GOTTA WANT TO QUIT FOR YOU!

[cheyenne7]

Thank you very much @Mandolinrain

[cheyenne7]

Yes, start again!  You did great, you know you got this.  35 days is awesome, please don't wait......you truly got this!!

I have to get my start started......trying 

[cheyenne7]

I never get started enough to even call it a relapse.......This is truly a horrible addiction, I agree!

[cheyenne7]

Good points.....thank you

[cheyenne7]

The mindset is not where it needs to be......I agree it is mostly a mindset thing;  strong mindset can fight the addiction, the other part would be to not put them to my lips.......got to get this right

[cheyenne7]

You are right, it is a choice......doesn't feel so much so at the time, but it truly is a choice.    This is helpful, thank you.  I have to remember that I do have the choice.

[elvan]

We are here, but you know that, you also know that there are no short cuts, that smoking doesn't fix anything, and that YOU are worth being smoke free.  Don't do to yourself what I have done...it is NOT worth it.  Yes, this addiction is wickedly strong but we are STRONGER.  Prayers and love.

Love,

Ellen

[MarilynH]

You will get it right Cheyenne, I know that you will......

[SimplySheri]

One day you won't want to have to start over again.  One day you won't want to quit on yourself.  One day you will have your 'ah-ha' moment.  One day you'll just be tired of trying and decide to just do it. 

Until then, I hope you know I'll be here for you   Cheering you on, praying for you, and reminding you that you matter too much for you to kill yourself smoking.  ((Cheyenne))

[cheyenne7]

Your points are all valid.  Some of the excuses are really bad timing for a first day quit, they are not ones usual everyday occurrences.  But most of the time, I have excuses that are really fear. Fear that I won't be able to get thru or handle the situation without knowing that I can have a smoke later, somehow that keeps me calmer, like it gives me strength .  They are the ones that are ruining my chances, because they are common, and they are frequent and It boils down to fear.  So I pick days to quit when I'm not at the common problem (work).  I really count on nothing going haywire on my quit day.....but it did and no way was I strong enough not to cave. Going to keep picking those days and I have to give it more effort, truly lacking there.  This means I want to quit, yet I don't want to not be able to smoke (I'm sure that's the addiction part)......can't have both. I can see how ridiculous it is and I'm ashamed that I don't seem strong enough .  All I can do is to keep trying, and never give up.  Your post has helped a lot, I have to just get it done, I know. I can't even believe this is me.  Strong usually, but not when it comes to quitting, how can this be; it has such a strong grip on me.

[cheyenne7]

Thanks for sharing your story.  That's the plan here, to keep at it until I actually get it again, and this time I must keep it.

[cheyenne7]

Thanks for your support sweet Ellen.  No the truth is that the cigarettes didn't change anything, they didn't make it better, but it's my way of coping and I know that's the nicotine addiction, the ever evil nicotine addiction.  I will not stop trying. I will get this.  Hugs back to you : )

[cheyenne7]

Thank you Ellen......nicotine is evil, truly is!!

xoxo

[cheyenne7]

I so appreciate your support!!  I am very tired of trying, I get angry at all of the time wasted trying to get a quit going, thinking about it as if I'm going to accomplish it, and then not.  I have to just throw them out and move forward without to much fear, some ok, until I get use to it, but not enough that it makes me run back to the cigarettes. Cigarettes have got to go . Thanks for your positive thoughts : )

[elvan]

It IS evil and you deserve so much better.  I did it for so long, I am so sorry for all of the damage I did to my poor old body.  Cigarettes have no place in your life, sweet lady.  You will be so surprised at the things you will discover about yourself as your freedom grows..

Huge hugs,

Ellen

[elewis0941]

Hi, change your perspective on smoking, villanize it, take the romanticism out of it .... and peep this for a different approach:  https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gnSEbLX94Tk&feature=youtu.be 

[virgomama]

Cheyenne,

I totally understand where you're coming from.  I am a 4 time quitter and will be starting my next (and final) quit  next month.  I too have shamed and guilted myself because I haven't been strong enough to quit  I have to say the information and support on this website has given me the missing pieces  I needed to finally gather up my courage and jump off again.  But this time I feel like I'm going to make it.  

The only thing I can say at this point is that even though I haven't had a permanent quit the one thing I promised myself was that I would never stop quitting until I made it to the final one.  That promise to myself has kept me searching and processing in my own mind towards the final quit.  It's like it's been sitting in the back of my head percolating and changing some of those circuits that made me feel like it's a hopeless cause.  

I want to encourage you to stay with it again and again and again and again until you make it.  I'll be right there with you soon.  Because for me I have given myself no other option but to keep quitting till I get there all the way.   Maybe we can get there together.  Hang in there.

[cheyenne7]

Thank you elewis0941‌, you are absolutely right, it truly is how your mind looks at it that will make the difference, I have to somehow hold onto those thoughts.  Good youtube.  I really just have to get out of my own way.  

[cheyenne7]

I know sometimes I have just wanted to quit thinking about quitting, but even at those times it is on my mind, because smoking is not good, and so yes, one can never stop attempting to quit......I have a long history of quits and need to just end the insanity and quit for good.......Thanks for the encouragement , and to you too......we can do this!

[virgomama]

Yes we can.  I'll be joining you 10-1-18.