Not a feel good, happy blog
I went to the pulmonologist yesterday for my follow up visit, fully expecting to just request a CT scan to r/o lung cancer and also to request a cardiac evaluation because there is heart disease in my family and I really thought it would be a good idea to be evaluated. I know I cannot do a stress test because I am too short of breath to walk on an incline. I am frustrated that despite the fact that I work out daily, I am watching my diet to eat healthy foods, I am doing everything I can think of to feel stronger, meditating, playing a harmonica (much to my housemates’ dismay), using the inhalers as directed, and oxygen at night. I told the doctor that I am concerned that I don’t seem to be leveling off, I don’t really expect improvement but I fell the other day after chasing the cat and my respirations were “grunting” and painful and I could see my heart beating in my chest. It took me what seemed like several minutes to “recover”…it probably wasn’t more than a couple of minutes. I have a pulse oximeter and I check my oxygen saturations several times a day, after working out, when I am at rest, etc. For the MOST part, they are in the mid to high 90’s, they do drop for very short intervals after I push myself but they rebound quickly. I get low readings if my hands are really cold and my hands are very often cold so I warm them before I check the reading. If I don’t, I will get a reading of 70% with a pulse readout of 30 and I can take my pulse manually and it is NEVER that low. Enough background, they made me walk in their freezing office and my sats dropped to 87% so they put me on oxygen and had me walk again and they went up into the high 90’s so the doc said, “Well, you now meet the criteria for oxygen 24/7.” She said it like I was aspiring to that. I flat out told her no, I can hardly carry a purse because of my shoulders and I am returning to work in a couple of weeks. Seriously, unless I do a permanent face plant, I am not going to even consider it. Then she said that I just minimally fit the criteria and she probably would have issues getting the oxygen covered anyways. She did order a low dose CT scan to screen for lung cancer and to evaluate my COPD, at my request, she also ordered an echocardiogram because she thinks there is a possibility that I may have heart damage from my rheumatoid arthritis as well as from my COPD. Both are scheduled, one for the 20th of August and the other for the 4th of September. I see her again on Sept 21st. I just want to KNOW where I stand, the way I look at it, if I am dying, I would like to prepare some things for my family, I would like to prepare THEM. I was angry yesterday about the oxygen and also because my husband told me several times that he cannot live without me, I felt like I was being pressured and I did not take it well. The doc said to stay away from the burned house site until it is completely cleaned and my husband told me he was going to bring home a box of photographs that had burned and been watered down but that he still thinks can be saved, he wants me to sort them. I told him that I cannot be around the mold and mildew and I cannot be around the soot and what PART of that does he not understand? Enough, I sound depressing and I really am not giving up, I am going to keep doing everything I can to get stronger and I am going to keep coming here every day when I can. I have another blog I feel I need to write and I will do so but it is a separate issue. Thanks for listening to my health concerns…this was all avoidable so remember that. If I had not smoked, I would not be here. But I AM here and I need to go forward from this point.
