Non-Smoker Day 13

[marbech]

Good morning and happy Saturday!  Tomorrow it will be two weeks since I quit.  It seems like longer, much longer. I have thought about smoking in the past few days.  That it would be enjoyable. But the next thought has to be the reality that you are putting toxic carcinogenic chemicals into your lungs, even though it may feel enjoyable in the moment. So, unfortunately, the answer has to be no. 

I also never want to get back to the place where I have to have a cigarette to feel like all is right with the world. If it was early evening and I had some shows I wanted to watch that night but I was out of smokes, I would have to drive to the gas station to get some. Or figuring out how much money I have to put aside in the next week for my cigarettes, which was substantial. 

Or feeling like a loser because I am the only one who smokes.  Or hiding it from non-smoking friends and colleagues. 

Or going through having to quit, yet again.  The first few days is such a drag and I am so tired of doing it, as I have done it over and over in the past, never successfully. Its always stress that gets me.  

But this time I feel is different.  I am now actively afraid of cigarettes. In six weeks,  my friend has gone from a beautiful vital healthy woman to being thin, weak, exhausted, cannot walk well without support, can't eat, can't sleep, lost her hair and is depressed.  And its because of Marlboro Lights. 

I visited her yesterday and we had an outing.  An hour and a half to go to the coffee shop and the cupcake place was as much as she could take.  However, the visit definitely cheered us both up and we were less depressed and more our normal selves last night than we have been. I am very frightened that she will deteriorate and die.  I am going to take a day off from work every other week to take her out this Indian summer and fall to just hang out, maybe by the river, or in a park or something . . . where we can connect and help each other into this next phase of our lives, if that is what it is. 

As you can tell, I am depressed.  I am doing what I can to cheer myself up. I am pin fitting new slipcovers today on a club chair in a beautiful, cheery color (Tiffany blue with white piping). I think lightening up and freshening up the living room might make me feel better. 

Best wishes for a good weekend to all my fellow quitters. 

Marbech

[constanceclum]

Also realize you are not getting the dopamine release which nicotine provides. It will be a short while before your body will  do that naturally again.

Fact: the only time I want to smoke is when I am not smoking and it has been that way for a long time.

Connie

[Junior7]

Congrats on almost two weeks!  Hang in there!

[JACKIE1-25-15]

Congratulations on 13 days of freedom.  It gets easier as you go forward. Stress you say is what gets you.  It gets a lot of people.  But you have to learn that smoking does not relieve stress it only makes it worse.  Breathing always seemed to help me.  Drinking water was my true replacement of the desire to smoke which can not hurt.  Try something that is better for you.  I am impressed with your talents of decorating.  Enjoy each moment of it. It gets better when you don't have to stop what you are doing just to smoke.   Have a smoke free day.  I am because they are Not on my lips, not on my tongue, not in my mouth, not in my lungs.  not in my nose, not in my clothes.

[cpsono]

Yes it does get better.  I'm at 80 days and sometimes the first thing I think about when I wake up is a cigarette.  Not as much as earlier in the quit, though.  So I just don't act on it. So what?  It pops into my head, I let it in for one nanosecond, then it goes away.  I smoked for so long, it wouldn't be reasonable to expect it to be otherwise.  But I'm so glad that I no longer have the NEED to smoke.  Now I just have resentment for Old Nic that he had me trapped for so long!   I think what you're doing for your friend is beautiful and BIG congrats on 13 days!    CP

[jonilou]

Congratulations on day 13! You are doing a wonderful job in blogging about your thoughts and feelings. It helps us and it helps you more than you know. Come often and let us know how its going. Thats part of the beauty of this place. We all share and work this out together!

[bonniebee]

Yes it popped intomy head yesterday a few times and last night in the middl of the night ! I woke up thinking of lighting up even after 188 days quit ! I smoked for 51 years so I think 188 days is a drop in the bucket ! It takes a good while to change the brains thinking but I have come a long ways already sooooooo much easier now thae craves are not the same more like memories !

Hang in there I feel so bad about your friend and what you are going through I hope she beats  it . My beat friend died in Dec 2013 after a long fight with breast cancer I was glad I was there for her at the end it was a blessing for me, I miss her very much .Not easy to quit going through that but as you said it is a lesson for you !

[janese]

Congrats on your 13day on my 16th not been easy but it will be worth it. I replaced my morning coffee and cig with coffee and a small cup of trailmix something to munch while sipping coffee.

[jjbob]

Looks like we are on the trail, 13 days for me too. First thought in the morning was never about smoking, but lately as I watch my wife go outside to smoke, I think about it.  But fortunately it passes quickly...because this time is different.  I don't want to fail, again, have those who Love me look at me and shake their heads.  I have faith in me to not take one puff ever again.  So, Let's continue to pile up the smoke-free days.  Best wishes for your friend.   John

[djmurray]

Hi, Marbech -- there is so much to learn when you're doing a quit for which you prepare and educate yourself.  I hope you've read the Allen Carr book because from one 50 year plus smoker to another, we need to change our long-held beliefs about smoking.  The truth is that when you find yourself thinking a cigarette would be enjoyable, you would probably, after two weeks smoke free, cough your lungs out and it would taste terrible.  So to me that doesn't sound enjoyable.If you understand that any "enjoyment" we got out of smoking was satisfying the craving we created when we smoked the one before it. You may realize that it is not remotely unfortunate that you won't have that cigarette. And once you've altered your attitude, it gets easier.  I don't mean it gets easy, because there is substantial discomfort in quitting.   The longer you go the less uncomfortable it generally gets, although you can get blindsided by a crave or a strong memory later in your quit than you would imagine.  But if you have made the commintment that you will take Not One Puff Ever (NOPE) there is nothing that can deter you from that commitment.

You're doing great and we're really glad you're here!