So Im thinking, perhaps none of us may experience quitting the same either. The following is MY journey and thoughts...it may apply to you, or not....but if this will help one person, its worth the time to type it.
I know I have failed when I first began my quit journey. I always came back feeling so shameful....I felt worthless and I felt I left everyone here down. I learned later, it was myself that was let down the most.
One very wise elder told me that once you quit it changes your smoking should you start again, and he was right. Everytime I started to smoke again....I would soon have terrible guilt hovering over me.Shame. How could I ever come back in here and hold my head up again?
At first I had done the required reading. I blogged, stayed active. BUT...I didn't stick it out. I didn't pull out my toolbox and use the wisdom shared by all the great friends I made here on EX. I caved in....And looking back, for me anyway.....
Shamefully, I think I just desired to smoke too much. I just THOUGHT I enjoyed it too much to give up. So I thought.....Truly, I had just not understood the WHY.
It would mark the end of freedom, happiness, restlessness, anxiety, stress relief....I had no idea ( then ) it was all lie.I thought I could get by reading the material once and have a hold of this addiction and be done with it...but no.. i NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND THE 'WHY'.
It was not until I finally , throughly and utterly forgave myself and submitted myself 100% to gaining the understanding that IT had ALL THE POWER...and until decided to take it back and follow through with everything daily...IT would win. It would eventually take my breath....my life...I had to decide and commit to 'going through to get a breakthrough that I so desperately wanted, needed and finally achieved on September 2, 2014. I got serious with understanding the WHY, by reading reading reading and more reading.......old blogs, new blogs, elder blogs, newbie blogs ( everyone was my teacher on EX, all very important to my quit )
So whatever is holding you back from your quit....my feelings on the matter are, until you totally understand the WHY of this addiction, you will be going around the same ole mountain. Listen....the view of the mountain has so much more in store for you to see, but you have to quit going in circles to see them.
Also, I do give 100% credit to my personal Savior, Jesus. This girl knows she would never even have found this site, had HE not led me.
Thank you to everyone here at EX. Old and New...you have help me to see a better view of the mountain and experience life ups and downs without the smokes. It is doable. I promise.
Missy
