A look long time ago , once upon a time
No car , no smokes ! OMG NO!
Walk ? No way . Full stop .
Not happening . Not today . Not smoking tho . Its not an option . I don’t do that anymore , I’m a non smoker and I don’t have to . The day I quit smoking that’s what I told myself and I repeated those phrases often . I had practise saying them with every crave and every desire to smoke .
Can you imagine running out of cigarettes and the panic not being able to get out to get any ? I’ve been there and done that many many times and quite likely you have felt this kind of panic too .
It wasn’t just icy roads that caused me smoking frantic . It was any time I was nearly out of cigarettes . Stormy weather or the vehicle not starting or being sick with the flu or cold , or too sick to get out of bed and even being in hospital with no where to buy them ; that would cause my heart to race and my gut to tighten . I think I would have discharged myself from hospital had I not been able to get smokes or smoke . Smoking controlled my thought plan every single day and night too too for 28 years of my life , until I took my power back .
When addiction needed its fix I obeyed by feeding it and when I took my power back and I literally stopped feeding it and quit believing the lies that I needed it . Then , my life got better and my stress got less and my thoughts about the future looked brighter .
Back in the day when I thought smoking was my friend , my comforter and strength and I believed all those lies and trust me that ice in the picture up above wouldn’t have stopped me getting my addiction its fix .
Back in the day 13 years ago
1) I would have called and paid a cab driver to pick cigarettes up for me if I saw ice like that that and I couldn’t get them myself . He would deliver them to my door and I’d be anxious til I had those cigarettes in hand .
I paid 100.00 a carton and paid 20.00 to the driver for the trip there plus tip .
2) I would have called on my non smoking son ( legal age ) to pick me up not a pack of cigarettes , but a carton of cigarettes so that I would be sure to have enough if I couldn’t get out for a week . I would have called a non smoking friend who drove if I couldn’t get hold of him .
3) I would have gone to the garage looking for long butts in the butt can . Ha even short ones would do . I scrounged through my coat pockets and purse for any stray one that was maybe there ,smoking did nothing for me .
4) I would have shouted across the street to a known neighbour who smoked if they were outside to bum one or two and I would have hoped for five . I never would have refused an offer for them to go get me some either .
5) I would have risked a broken leg and a cracked noggin and walked that ice above anyway to get my hunger for addiction satisfied .
My addiction ruled back then ! It doesn’t rule anymore .
This said , I won’t forget my early days and brain fog for without them I would not be where I am today and the reason I’m quit today .
I won’t forget how many times I told myself
I won’t forget the sleepless nights sitting on a quit smoking site with others going through exactly what I was too .
And I won’t forget , that having none , not one puff ever , is so worth it all .
Ice ? no problem . I don’t smoke .
