No Man's Land Weekly Blog -- Romancing the Cig

[SarahP]

We do this blog every Wednesday afternoon to offer encouragement and camaraderie to those in No Man’s Land -- months 2-3-4 of a quit. Regardless of how long you’ve been quit, anyone who likes the conversation and wants to offer support is welcome to participate!

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This week’s topic: Fixating on a Cigarette (from whyquit.com)

What happens to some people is that when they are off smoking for a certain time period they start fixating on a cigarette. By that I mean they forget all the bad cigarettes they ever smoked, they forget the ones they smoked without ever really thinking about them even at the time they were being smoked, and they start to remember and focus on one good cigarette. It may be one they smoked 20 years earlier but it was a good one and they now want one again.

It's a common tactic for the ex-smokers to try and tell themselves that they do not really want that "good" cigarette. Well, the problem is, at that moment they really do want it. An internal debate erupts, "I want one, no I don't, one sounds great, no it doesn't, oh just one, not just one!" The problem is that if the ex-smoker's focus is on just "one" cigarette then there is no clear-cut winning side to the debate. The ex-smoker needs to change the internal discussion.

Don't say that you don't want one when you do, rather acknowledge the desire but ask yourself, "Do I want all the other cigarettes that go with it." Then, "do I want the package deal that goes with the others? The expense, social stigma, smell, health effects, possible loss of life. Do I want to go back to smoking, full-fledged, until it cripples and kills me?"

Stated like this it normally is not a back and forth debate. The answer will normally be, "No, I don't want to smoke under these terms," and those are the only terms that a cigarette comes with.

Normally if viewed like this the debate is over almost immediately after being pulled into focus. Again, if the focus is only one, you can drive yourself nuts throughout the entire day. If you focus on the whole package deal, you will walk away from the moment relieved to still be smoke free and sufficiently reinforced to NEVER TAKE ANOTHER PUFF!

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Roll Call!  Let's hear from everyone in NML!   

Click here to read Dale’s helpful blog about No Man’s Land: https://excommunity.becomeanex.org/blogs/jonescarp.aka.dale.Jan_2007-blog/2011/05/24/no-mans-land-da...

[itsmenonsmoker]

For me those feelings wher the first cupple weeks, the ones where you try to make it alright to smoke just one sig, what will it hurt, for me i thought nomans land was for me about 4 mybe 5 months later  it hit me like a ton of bricks, like i never stopped smoking, the urges wher very strong, before that the urges wher gone, so when they came back they wher hard hit, i dont know if it is becuz i smoked over 30 years and tryed stopping many times but even 300 days later of non smoking i never forgot anything of how hard and bad the things are, right now in my quit i am scared strait to startup again witch for me thats good, if i start with 1 i know i will never be able to do it again, i mean just think it took mne 30 years or more to get to my 300th day, before this i never stoped over a cupple days, even today i am going through urges but i am able to handle them now, some are strong some are not, but when i get a strong one today after so long being stoped i can easyly do anything to take my mind off of it like go in the back yard dig a hole, clean my car, play with my grand kid and with in minutes i forget i have an urge, that is the differense between the first cupple months to now, i can brake the urges fast and easy, was not like that before at all. well anyways good luck all in your quits and if i did it i know one thing for sure, anyone can you just really need to be ready. it has nothing todo with will power, i always said before others have the willpower to stop and i did not have it, i was always wrong and that was just a reason to still smoke, it was bullshit

[lisa11209]

This piece has gotten me past many smoking thoughts quickly. There are times I think I want one and right away tell myself fine, but no way do I want all of them. That means not one puff ever. NOPE!

[misty_dawn]

I was a huge romancer of cigarettes.  

That mindset change was a biggie for me.

Thanks for posting the NML Roll Call, Sarah!

[lois13]

I still romancer the ciggs.  it is not good some days. i just tell my self NO, it is hard to get out of my mind some days.

[Ex_Nancy]

 Romancing the Cig ,OR just one cig, is something everyone does during,after or BEFORE NO MAN'S LAND....It first happened to me about 9 months ago when I went to a Target store for something and before you walk in the store, people are smoking...there was an older lady with a young girl and she was huffing and puffing before walking in....and all of a sudden, I wanted one too...well, I didn't smoke, but instead got online here and visited the "blogs" first to calm me down, and for the next 2 days went seaching for the answer to my problem, and I found it...Fixating on a Cigarette...the discussion of this week...do your own research and discover your own weaknesses....I can truly say that right NOW, I REALLY FEEL SORRY for that lady .

[SarahP]

Since Nancy first re-posted this Fixating article in response to someone having a crisis, it was like finding the missing piece in my quit puzzle. All my past quit attempts have failed either right away, or after an extended period, and always for the same reason -- romancing it. Believing I can handle it. Forgetting all the bad cigs and only remembering the occasional good one. 

Once I learned and ACCEPTED the idea that I don't want "one", I want them all, and since I can't have them all that means I can't have one, my quit solidified. That's what NOPE means to me, and is how I'm going to make this my forever quit. 

If you are struggling in your quit, please keep exploring the resources we repeatedly reference here (whyquit, quitsmokingonline, Allen Carr) and find the "missing piece" for your quit puzzle.

[barbara]

How true this piece is. I quit smoking for 10 years and had a cigar at a BBQ. That started my habit again. I am on my 11th day as a non-smoker now and KNOW that I can't go back there again.

[maxsmiles]

I was at a meeting last night .  After the meeting I was talking to a lady that I knew smoked.  Before I knew it. my mind was saying "you could get a smoke from her".  I did manage to think about the whole package and didn't sak her.  I scare myself sometimes with how close I have come to smoking in the last several weeks.