Description
I am a 48 year mother of three (24,22,19). I smoked from 19 until about 29. I just got tired of it, I asked God to help me, went on a three day fast, woke up on the fourth day and didn't have the desire anymore. I stayed off cigarettes until I was 40 (unfortunately the fasting hasn't worked for me this time). I the man I'm going to marry and fell in love . During our first 6 months of dating he cheated on me and I caught him. It hurt me so bad I got as drunk as I could made him listen to my pain and smoked his cigarettes ALL night long. I haven't been able to put them down since. He has no plans to quit smoking and we will probably get married next year. I'm not really sure I want to quit. I feel bad when his family sees me smoke because I didn't smoke in the beginning and then I hid it from them for about two years. To this day my children have not seen me smoke. I use to receive compliments on how white my teeth were, needless to say that is no longer true. I was a sprinter in High School, now if I walk too briskly in the mall I get a little short of breath. I can go all day everyday without smoking. I may get a craving after I eat lunch at work but I have no problem delaying that desire because I'm at work. I smoke the most when I get home in the evenings and on the weekends. I probably smoke a pack and a half just on weekends and evenings. I'sm like I walk inthe house and I have to have a cigarette. Can my home be a trigger? If so, how in the world do I fix that? Again, My fiance has been smoking for years and years and is not planning on quitting. I believe he would help me quit, I just don't think I can do it while he continues to smoke. I am afraid of failing, I just don't want to be forced to accept it if I don't succeed. Please help me, I want o be around a long time and live a quality fullfilling life.
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North Carolina
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