My life so far....

[freespirit2]

My husband decided he wanted to quit smoking on his birhday.  So I decided to quit with him.  We have quit once before during our marriage and lasted 5 months but then went right back to smoking after a night out with friends. I told him I do not want to go through the pain, the depression, the weight gain all over again unless we quit for good. We talked about it a lot and by our quit date we were very excited. It has now been 25 days since we've had a cig and I think that's awesome, but my husband is in a deep depression.  He won't talk to me, we don't go anywhere, he just comes home from work, sits on the couch and watch tv and sleeps.....for hours.  When we do talk he is so surley to me that all I want to do is get away from him. I have started coming home from work, fixing dinner right away, cleaning up the kitchen, and then I escape into the den with my computer. I just can't stand to look at his grumpy face!  I know that when you quit you need support but I quit too and I get no support. Every day I wake up and I look at the sky and I breath the fresh air and I am so glad that our clothes no longer smell like an ashtray, our house no longer stinks when you walk in to it, there are no overflowing ash trays to constantly empty.....and the money...wow....we were spending a fortune!!  Why can't he see some of those things?

Sorry, this is my first blog and all I do is complain.  I really really do see the wonderful benefits of not smoking. I took my dog for a walk last night and I absolutely loved feeling so good!  The air was so fresh, and I didn't get out of breath!  We walked and we walked and I didn't want to go home!   

Can anyone give me some ideas on how to get my husband back??  I honestly love him and I miss him very much. 😞

[onelasttime]

Maybe your husband needs some help with his depression some times the smoking covers up problems we have had and just didn't notice.there are alot of good meds out there I have been on and off them for years but I have finally found one that works. I know how hard it is to get a man to the doctor especially if they have to admit to emotional problems. I hope you can convince him that it is the best thing not to smoke. But what ever happens don't let him ruin your quit sounds like you are loving the found things in your life..Stay strong and maybe talk to your hubby about some help but be ready because he might get peed off so have the dog leash ready to escape the stress..have a great day and please don't smoke. Hugs Deb

[keekee]

it sounds like you and your hubby had a great relationship before the quit. and some people did have mood swing doing the first few weeks. countine to be there for him and pray. he will come around soon. and you can get enough support for you and him on this site.

            May God bless us all!

[kane1126]

Unfortunately along with quitting comes emotional swings that are hard to control. Sounds like your husband is in one of those. Read the following article, it may help you understand what your husband is going through: http://whyquit.com/joel/Joel_03_13_stages_of_death.html. Understanding is always the key to resolution. Good luck, keep up the quit and eventually you both will be fine! Oh, and don't worry about complaining here, this is the place to "get it all out"!

[jay23]

The last time I quit i went into a very deep depression.  I actually went to see a therapist and was put onto anti depressants.  Please realize that whatever he does he is not doing it to hurt you.  He probably feels terrible when this happens and unfortunately this probably makes him feel even worse.  If he's at the point where he's not talking and he's physically manifesting symptoms than I would recommend making a doctor's appoint asap.  Just my opinion, but that's how I found relief.  Good luck and congrats to both of you quitting!  Feel free to ask for help!!!

[royann]

I'm FAR from the person who should be giving anyone advice on how to deal with a husband!! .....but, I do understand what your saying. Folks here are giving you some excellent advice. Above that just remember no matter what is going on with him, remember to keep your quit separate from everything else that is going on. I'm having to do that right now myself.

The only other thing I might say is.....try walking together. That is the one thing my husband and I both agree helps even when one of us doesn't feel like it. After dinner we go for a nice brisk walk and remind ourselves to breath deep. By the time we get home NO MATTER How down or blah we were feeling.. We DO feel better.

Other than that just hang in there and remember to take care of you and your quit above all else.

[james41]

You needed to get that off your chest so no problem,,,, You know sometime if you act like you could literally care less about a loved one it gets their attention,, I'm not saying do this mind you I don't want to get in trouble,,,, but it has worked for me in the past. Or "you could hire a couple of wranglers to whip his ass,"' HA!!!! Movie  9 to 5 !

Thanks for your insightful blog and welcome!!!

James

[Bonnie11.3.2009]

Your husband sounds like he is depressed and could be helped by medication.  If he is not into talking to you, you could write him a letter and express your concern and ask him to go to the doctor.  You are doing so well because you are remembering to be grateful for all the positive things about not smoking.  Invite him to join you in activites and when he says no or ignores you, go alone.  Keep your focus on you for now.  Keep blogging and letting us know how you're doing.

[Sootie]

It's actually hard to help knowing so little---was your husband very talkative before? Have you tried to tell him you are worried about him? Not just that you want to talk---but that you are worried? If this is a completely different personality for him---I would strongly suggest you try to get him to a doctor.

My husband and I also quit although not EXACTLY together---he is about one month ahead of me and he used Chantix and I used nothing. We both smoked for a very long time---again, I don't know how long you and your husband smoked.  I am almost 5 months and he is a little over 6 months. We are both doing fine---I think he talks about quitting too much---or rather says too often--wow a cigarette would be good now wouldn't it? He's not really going to smoke---just talks about it. I try NOT to talk about it---it is just our different personalities.

Good luck--let us know how you are. I hope this situation improves.