My journey to a healthier Me - Day 6

[Camomof3]

I have smoked since I was 18 with short periods of quit that has last anywhere from 3 months to a year and somehow I always go back to it each time with something triggering my actions.  About 3 years ago, I switch from smoking cigarettes to vaping and slowly lowering my nicotine level with the intent to stop during those few years. I figure I just need to do it rather than making up excuses, so as of last week, I stopped cold turkey.  Doing fairly well....  First couple of days was fine because I was keeping busy and went out, but then, work started and day 3 to present, it started getting a bit tougher since I use to just sit at my desk and vape.  So, instead, I kept trying to find snacking to replace my anxiety and restlessness (from healthy snacks to not so healthy snacks).  BUT, I didn't falter.

Yet, here we are on day 6....  and I can't seem to get my mind off an actual cigarette to help with my emotional state.  My daughter told me that she had a fight with her best friend and was on the crisis line because of suicidal thoughts.  She has been under therapy for depression for the past few months and I'm just so overwhelmed and frustrated because I have no idea how to help and her ability to communicate her feelings on what is causing these depressions pretty much sums it up with "I don't know."  This is weighing on me and as much as I hate to, I really want to run out and purchase a pack and have a cigarette to help me cope with these emotions.  Trying everything I can to not give in...  UGH!!!!!

The only thing keeping me in check right now is just how I don't want to lose those 6 nicotine free days.

[Sandy-9-17-17]

Remember that smoking is not going to help any those things get better.  The addiction of the nicotine is what has the hold on you!  The nicotine speaks very loudly when it doesn't get it's way.  Believe me, you are better off without nicotine.  

You can do anything without nicotine, just like you did with the use of it.  The only thing that it won't be doing to you, is killing you a slow death from using. Hang in there.  Work all of the material you have been offered.  In fact, my guess is you will be a better help to someone suicidal if you are smoke free.   I too have a daughter who suffers from much of what your daughter is going through, and then some.  My daughter has BPD Borderline Personality Disorder.  It's a tough one, but I manage her illness actually better now than when I was a smoker. 

Hang in there, please, it's so worth it, and come here for support if you're struggling.  I don't know what I would have done without finding this place.

Sandy 165 days of freedom

[maryfreecig]

        It's the stress and crisis and negative feelings after quitting that seem to unhinge all too many--so how is this stuff to be handled seeing that you are fresh to quitting and facing difficult circumstances beyond your control?

        Well Ex is a good start to sorting through this business of dealing with problems and stress without smoking--becoming an Ex. So high five to you for posting! Since I've been participating in Ex I've read one after experience after another from individuals facing the biggest problems of life to the smallest and not smoking. I suggest that you stick around and read, read read other blogs, addiction info and so forth.

         I'm glad you are here--one day at a time you can stay quit and learn to live with lifes difficulties.  I guess all of us quitters are doing just that.

[elvan]

Welcome to EX...please try to keep in mind that smoking is not going to help anything, it is not going to help your daughter to communicate what is making her so sad, it is not going to make work go better, it is not going to do anything except make it so you have to start your quit over again.  Education about nicotine addiction is a huge factor in success and so is commitment and support.  There is not one person here who does not understand exactly what you are talking about, we have almost all lost quits because we could not handle emotions.  When we smoked, we were used to stuffing our emotions and when we stop and they are allowed to surface, they seem overwhelming in their intensity.  The truth is that we need to learn to deal with feelings and emotions one at a time.  I won't tell you that it is easy, it certainly wasn't for me.  I did use the quit plan on the first page of the site, I read everything I could find on nicotine addiction and I read blogs, I commented, I paid attention to any advice that was offered and I DID accept that smoking would do nothing to change anything for the better.  I accepted that it would do nothing FOR me, only TO me.  

I hope that things settle for you with your daughter, it is hard to have a son or daughter dealing with depression, I say that from experience.  There was a time when my son was in high school when he would lock his bedroom door and I could not get him to open the door in the morning...I lived with the horror that he might have done something to himself behind that door.  You need to take care of you first and that means not smoking, that means trying to listen to her, trying to get her to open up, getting her help as needed. You came here and that shows your commitment.  Please stay close to the site and know that this is a journey and not an event.

Best,

Ellen

[Camomof3]

elvan maryfreecig Sandy-9-17-17   Thank you all so much for the support.  I was able to power through the emotions, but each day is definitely a battle and takes strength to not slide backwards for sure!!  So, again, thank you so much for sharing your experiences which eases my anxiety a bit. Will continue my journey to reach those goals!  Have a wonderful weekend!

[maryfreecig]

Okeedoke. Have a one day at a time weekend. Lean on Ex as much as you see fit.

[elvan]

Remember that all of our emotions are intensified as we go through the beginning of our quits...we have not allowed ourselves to feel without the anesthesia from nicotine until we quit. You CAN do this and it really is not a battle...but I know that it seems like one. You are finding out what people who never smoked always knew...how to deal with their emotions without smoking.  One day at a time, one hour, one minute, one SECOND when necessary.  Let the craves wash over you and don't give them any power.