My Journey

[tracey2]

1st day:
I have been challenged out of anger from a dear friend who said I didn't want to quit. He was right and that made me mad. I have now set out to prove him and myself that that is wrong. I want to quit but the demons of addiction have always held me back from the truth. So I am energized to be successful. It's Christmas Eve what better time. My gift to me. Today wasn't too bad. Had work and things to do to get ready for the holiday. Weather was miserable so there was no opportunity to sneak outside. Can't smoke at work either. Surrounded by family I was easily distracted. The impossible seems like it might become a reality. Had a little stress with my father taken to the hospital with chest pain. Didn't cave and buy a pack. The thought was there but I squashed it because it will never be done. I have to learn to deal with it, others do. Got to stay true!!

2nd:
Merry Christmas!!! Once again surrounded by friends and family. No opportunities to escape for a secret smoke. No stores open to buy a pack. Instead of staying up while the others went to bed in hopes of sneaking a smoke I too tried to sleep. Still not too bad. No real golden opportunities to transgress. If it was only going to stay this easy!!

3rd day:
Found I really obsess about that morning cigarette. Don't really want it but have always had it. Guess what? The world didn't stop and I survived without it. Doesn't mean I still didn't want it, but what could I do. My non-smoking work environment helped through most of the day. I think fondly of that cigarette. Really want it but I don't allow the opportunity to be alone. That's when I'm most fragile. Need to get my thoughts away from what I can no longer have. It is quite overwhelming and distracting making me a little testy. I fear the weekend when I have all the time in the world to be alone and dwell on just one cigarette. Sleep evades me but I will persevere. My friend says that after 3 days the nicotene is gone and now it's just a mind game. I think he's full of crap but I will give him the benefit of the doubt!!!

4th day:
Not happy at all. All alone and no one to share it with. That cigarette would surely keep my company. Do I really want it? I don't know. I lost the ability to know if it's a want or a habit. Either way I'll do without, not happily because it's all I think about but nonetheless I will see this through. I will not put myself through this again. I am now directing my energy in this blog. It will be a long day today. I will have to find my pleasures without the weed. Let the fun begin 😞

5th day:
Really didn't want to get up and face the morning without that cigarette. No distractions around. Slept in a little, some how survived without the cigarette. I took all the advise into consideration. Figured keeping busy was the answer. Cranked up the music and cleaned my little heart out, putting away Christmas decorations. Many times the voices started talking to keep me company. They really thought it would be okay to run down to the mini market and buy a pack, you know, just have one. No one will ever know. Really thought about that but that's why my quit fizzled last time. It was too convenient to have them around, before you know it there was always an excuse to have one. Those voices sure can be distracting!!! Was very proud that when I did drive somewhere I never even thought about lighting up. WOW!!! Then I stripped my 22 year old son's bed and found some dried leaf substance. Automaticallly thought of pot. It's been so long since I've actually seen pot but what else could it be. I was totally pissed. I could lose my nursing license. All I wanted was a freakin cigarette. Common sense told me that wouldn't solve the problem but it was a struggle. Confronted the boy, of course, doesn't know what I'm talking about. For my sanity have to believe him (it wasn't what I remembered pot looking like). This quit still hasn't been easy but at least tomorrow there will be work knowing that smoking is not an option.

6th day:
Don't want to bore you guys in the drama of the quit, you have been there, done that. It sure was good to go to work in a smoke free environment. The day just flew dealing with patients didn't come up to breath for 8 hours. That meant no thoughts of a smoke. The thought occurred for on the way home. Oh, well, don't have it, can't do it. Went to the gym and scoped out a sale. Still think about, drool when I see others smoke, but I trudge on. Family around tonight so that's a no brainer, too. My new motto, you have to believe to succeed!! 🙂

7th day/one week:
WOW, it still feels like yesterday that I started this journey. Thought by now things would feel different and I would be thinking different. The thoughts still surround me. Another day at work, yea!!!. Things were going along pretty good, keeping busy, until I looked out my window and saw a fellow co-worker sitting in her car smoking. I wanted to cry. I sat there drooling, almost ran out to beg for a smoke or at least inhale the second hand air. Didn't because I know how she smells when she comes in. Totally ruined the rest of my day. Was busy but still came back to the want. It was so bad I thought what the hell just buy that pack and be done. Didn't, wanted, but didn't. So tell me, my friends, when do those thoughts disappear. I thought by now it would be a vague memory yet it's still foremost in my mind. I'll stop whining now. From this day on I will occassionaly post a blog to let you know how I'm doing. Please feel free to check in with me. Coming here keeps me sane. I wish all of you a very wonderful, blessed, Happy New Year.

Day Whatever:
Stopped keeping count of days. I was never very good at math. The second week is so much better. Had an OMG moment on New Year's Day. Was reading a book, recovering from the night before, when I realized I hadn't thought about a cigarette all day. I was totally awestruck. This can be done and it does get better. The thoughts are farther and farther apart, thank goodness. Now I need your help as I am still fragile and very afraid of a relapse. My 20 year-old daughter was diagnosed with alopecia areata about 6 years ago. That is hair loss. It can either be just a small area or complete. Her's was complete. We went through so many forms of treatment that I don't want to remember, but there is no cure. It is an auto immune disease, your body fights itself. For those past 6 years she has been hiding under a bandana. This past September she had had enough hair regrowth that she put the bandana away and life was beautiful. Now we fear that it is returning. She is noticing thinning and hair loss, not much, but enough to scare us. I ask all my friends to please pray for her and that this is just a normal varience. It will devastate us and I just don't know how we will deal with this all over again. I know it's not the end of the world and is survivable but to a young women it is very traumatic and as a parent I feel so hopeless at not being able to help her. I fear this would be the one trigger that would send me spiraling into a relapse. So as you say your prayers, please include a small one for my daughter, her name is Heather. God bless.

[carole_]

I agree, doing SUPER! Yes, yes, yes, pat yourself on the back and don't be hard on yourself with the thoughts. The thoughts you asked about diminish with time. In the beginning I watched people light up and drooled too, walked through a cloud of smoke coming out of a store...inhaling...crazy crap like that. Some days, especially in the first few months I can remember that the thoughts became very episodic. Meaning, if I was experiencing something really tough or stressful for the first time as a non-smoker then my junkie addict head would say, "Isn't this when we would normally light up?" Where's that cig at? I want that high, where is it damn it??!!"

The good news is, you can blow off a craving, it's not going to kill you...start up smoking again and you are rolling your own death dice. The more you blow off cravings and just live life knowing that life happens whether we smoke or not, all is well. The more life experiences you have as a non-smoker the less you'll have 'smoker thoughts.' At one point it will turn off so much that you'll truly ask yourself "what in the hell was I thinking to drool over that crap?!" Crazy how it happens but it DOES happen.

So enjoy each day, breathe in deep, and know you are exactly where you need to be right now in the quit journey. And, I for one, can't wait to see your blogs in a few more months! CONGRATS BIG TIME ON 7 DAYS!!!!!!!! It is lookin' fabulous!

[vera]

you are doing great. don't be so hard on your self. It does get eaiser.

[tracey2]

Thanks for the praise. It's interesting to hear another's perspective. You see improvement, I see defeat. That picked me up!! Looking forward to week 2. It can only get better. It's got to!!!

[tracey2]

Thanks for all the support and suggestions. Doing a lot of stumbling, obsessing. there are so many triggers but this to shall pass. Please be patient with me as I can be very resistant but determined to make this a successful quit.

[becky16]

Your journey through the quitting process will have it's ups and downs, but over time it gets so much better. You are doing super! Take one moment at a time.....one crave at a time. Each crave you get through, makes you stronger for the next one. Relish each moment that you get through the crave........know that each time brings you closer to the end of your addiction. Don't forget to look back once in a while and see how many craves you have been able to overcome. At the end of the week, don't forget to reward yourself with some little thing, whether it's a time out or as simple as a warm bubble bath. Just do something for yourself. Put the money you save from the cigarettes in a jar where you can see it grow. Use it to do something special for yourself. Your life is going to be so much better.....free from the dictator that controls your life.....free from the smells and free to enjoy something as simple as a movie. CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR NEW BEGINNING.....You are a Butterfly emerging from your chrysilis......ready to fly.....to fly as high as you desire. I'm sending you warm smiles and great big Huggs!

[carole_]

It gets easier, the beginning is a process and a journey, often uncomfortable, but not life threatening. So we choose being a uncomfortable for a short while so we don't have to suffer for a long while with a smoking related illness that slowly kills us in front of our friends and family.

You are doing GREAT! Don't think for one second that you are not. It does get better, we didn't get here overnight, it will take some work to get to the other side, but if you've read enough blogs here you know 'the other side' does exist and we can ALL get there.

[carole_]

I agree, doing SUPER! Yes, yes, yes, pat yourself on the back and don't be hard on yourself with the thoughts. The thoughts you asked about diminish with time. In the beginning I watched people light up and drooled too, walked through a cloud of smoke coming out of a store...inhaling...crazy crap like that. Some days, especially in the first few months I can remember that the thoughts became very episodic. Meaning, if I was experiencing something really tough or stressful for the first time as a non-smoker then my junkie addict head would say, "Isn't this when we would normally light up?" Where's that cig at? I want that high, where is it damn it??!!"

The good news is, you can blow off a craving, it's not going to kill you...start up smoking again and you are rolling your own death dice. The more you blow off cravings and just live life knowing that life happens whether we smoke or not, all is well. The more life experiences you have as a non-smoker the less you'll have 'smoker thoughts.' At one point it will turn off so much that you'll truly ask yourself "what in the hell was I thinking to drool over that crap?!" Crazy how it happens but it DOES happen.

So enjoy each day, breathe in deep, and know you are exactly where you need to be right now in the quit journey. And, I for one, can't wait to see your blogs in a few more months! CONGRATS BIG TIME ON 7 DAYS!!!!!!!! It is lookin' fabulous!

[carole_]

It gets easier, the beginning is a process and a journey, often uncomfortable, but not life threatening. So we choose being a uncomfortable for a short while so we don't have to suffer for a long while with a smoking related illness that slowly kills us in front of our friends and family.

You are doing GREAT! Don't think for one second that you are not. It does get better, we didn't get here overnight, it will take some work to get to the other side, but if you've read enough blogs here you know 'the other side' does exist and we can ALL get there.

[debbie53]

Tracey, your DOING IT!!!! Your becoming a non smoker! Just think your more than half way over hell week! It gets easier with each passing day!
I'm not much of one for Jolly Ranchers or apples for that matter, but baby carrots and Eclipse mints have done wonders for me. Lots of water. Stay strong Sunshine. You can do this!
Me

[hwc]

Your daily blog sounds completely normal. Reading it as an outside observer, it sounds like you were seeing some improvement towards the end of the week and then had a day 7 rough spot. Pretty normal. On average, people's craves decline on days 4, 5, and 6, but have a one day spike again on day 7.

Have some patience. This is process that takes place over several months. You are just finishing up the first week. How 'bout a little pride in what you've accomplished. One week is huge. You fought through every trigger and every crave for a week. That starts to take all t he steam out of the craves. Now, you just buckle up for week 2, which won't be anything like as hard as the first week. You are doing great.

[david-v]

by monday you're cool
water helps. Cuz if you're not doing sports or physical labour to sweat a lot
drinking more than average amounts of water helps to flush the system. The Jolly Rancher idea isn't bad. I bought apples instead. Kinda need my teeth a bit longer 🙂

[david-hibling]

Here is someone wishing you the best of things for 2009 and the strength to be nicotine free!!! Saw a comment about you being alone I have learned as long as this site exists the smiles and strengths of good people here means a quitter of cigs is NEVER alone!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

When I first started my quit, I realized that it was just a decision on the third day. Every time I wanted to smoke, I remembered that.
On the fifth day, I would laugh or chuckle because I knew I could do it.
Everytime after that, my response was to do this.

It was never a problem after that.

Realize we smoke because we remember we used to smoke.
Its a habit based on these memories. The nicotine keeps us coming back until we see this but once it is clear that our memories are the harder part of the addiction, the light comes on.

No luck. I don't even go there.

Keep the quit.

dale