My Biggest Fear

[sandra40]

My FINAL QUIT DATE is coming up this Friday, and I'm having so many mixed emotions. One minute I feel like just throwing the damn things away right now...what's the point in prolonging? The the next minute I'm wondering how I will do it. If I can do it. I've been really paying attention to the fact that THEY DO NOT HELP ANYTHING. They don't solve a single problem in my life right now....or ever!

Back in March of last year when I was told to stop immediately, I felt like I was grieving my best friend. How would I ever enjoy a morning, or deal with boredom and stress, or concentrate on my work without a cig break. All the usual reasons that we think we have for not giving them up. Plus I would have told you I honestly enjoyed them!! YUK! Now I know for an absolute fact that all of that is not even true! I've watched myself smoke them and I know they don't do any of that.

So here's what I've come to.....my biggest fear is that I will actually have to face my life!! I have decisions I need to make and somehow the smoking helps me avoid making them. I'm so focused on smoking/not smoking that I am able to completely ignore the bigger decisions. Not to mention that I totally avoid FEELING with a cigarette. As soon as a feeling threatens to happen I run for the pack. How about I start dealing with the feelings? How about I just start having them and riding them out on my own? What would a cigarette really change.....NOTHING! But not having one might actually move me forward and I just might find myself on the other side of whatever I think this pain is. I can't stop thinking "what would it be like to be FREE". I want my freedom!

So it's time to grow up, take my life by the horns, and turn it into something I am happy with.

[Leeza]

Sandra...Sometimes there is more to the smoking than just the actual cigarette.  I am so proud of you.  Freedom is just a few days away.  "Freedom means you are unobstructed in living your life as you choose. Anything less is a form of slavery."
- Wayne Dyer

[Yaya2.6.10]

Most of us have been where you are.  That deal of the biggest thing we have to fear is fear itself is right on.  You can do this.  I see that you've read the Carr book.  I read it several times in the early days and each time something else helped.  It is such a simple appearing work, but I guess I was simple minded cuz I didn't absorb it all at once.  Keep in touch here.

[kristin2013]

AMEN SANDRA!!! I couldnt of said it better myself! Take life by the horns and take control back...its a hard thing to do though cuz u have allowed cigarettes to control u and your life for so long..its relearning life really! I know for all the 15-19 cigs a day ive cut out (since i still have 1 on SOME days) ive had to relearn to live...i cant do things the same way cuz if so id want to smoke. Ive had to switch things up a bit and at my breaks and after a meal i come read for the amt of time it wld take me to smoke. i dont go outside right now when i get hm cuz i dont smoke in the house so I was always going outside and sitting on the steps to smoke so now i avoid that area til im strong enough to go sit there and not want to smoke...i still connect outside with smoking...so unfortunetly im cooped up alot at the moment but i do allow my self some breathing time...i walk outside at work and in stead of smoking a cig i take one lap around the parking lot and do the breathing excercises ive learned! its so amazing that it actually helps me! So your QUIT date is right before mine huh? U can do this and we r all here for you. Im calling the QUITLINE to get a COACH..have u considered it? Im nervous to be honest..thats y i havent called yet but i PROMISED myself that before my QUIT date id have a COACH ..just one more positive thing to help me on my JOURNEY!! Maybe this might help u too, sweetheart! It certainly cant hurt, right? They might be the one thing u r missing to  get your FREEDOM back like u want! U take care and know we r all here for u!! If u ever need to talk or just vent pls dont hesistate to contact me. WE CAN DO THIS TOGETHER! : )

[Strudel]

You can have that freedom! As you were describing yourself "now" - I recognized me - not that long ago. (226 days ago) I felt exactly the same...."how will I do it....". I prepared, jumped in, and did it! I started paddling and day by day got stronger and stronger - until I was swimming full speed and feeling great!  I actually am a calmer and more at peace person now than I have been in 40 years! Trust me - you can do it!! Stay close Sandra - we are here!

[onedayatatime2]

This is a great blog!!! Fear is at the root for all of us.  You've got it.  Dive right in.  You won't sink.  You can do it!  Tomorrow is the big day---your day of FREEDOM!!!!!