Me and my big mouth...

[SkyGirl]

So earlier today, I posted a cheerful little blog about being halfway through Day Three, and how things are going well, and  how I was proud of myself.  Um, yeah.

First off, I haven't smoked.  The trip I was on ended and I found myself back home in my condo for the first time since I quit three days ago.  I knew being home was probably going to be harder than being out on a trip.  However, I SERIOUSLY underestimated how much harder.  

Within 20 minutes of arriving home, I felt like a caged animal.  I changed out of my uniform, repacked my suitcase, checked the mail, and....THEN WHAT???  I wanted a cigarette SOOOOO bad, I was practically crying.  Of course, I DON'T really want a cigarette, but my brain in screaming at me that a nicotine infusion would make me feel amazing.  (Like, being 30 again amazing, like losing 20 lbs amazing, like a one-hour massage amazing, like...you get the picture.)  I KNOW THESE ARE LIES coming from my brain who is doing everything it can to get me to send it some nicotine.  Intellectually, I really understand what is happening and why I'm feeling these physical and mental things.  But, EMOTIONALLY,  I'm about to throw myself under a bus! 

I had hoped to lose myself in a movie on the Internet, but my connection isn't working right now for some reason.  So I grabbed my iPad and headed to Starbucks.  I hate their coffee, but it was the only place I could think of that would have free wifi.  They did have wifi, but no table available.  So I've ended up in Barnes and Noble, on the brink of crazy.  

I guess I was fooling myself because quitting had not seemed so difficult up until now.  Now, I'm almost afraid to go home.  I have to find a new way to deal with sitting around at home.  Yes, I know what I need to do.  I need to go home and read some more stuff about quitting, I need to think about freedom, victory, cleanising, health improvement, I need to work on looking at ways to establisih my new normal (this is not a new concept for me; it was a huge part of my divorce support group 18 years ago).  I just hadn't had such an enormous emotional wave of craving up until now.  I will deal with it.  But I wanted to blog about it and see what you guys thought.

I have to go buy a new lemon now before I go home.  I'd been carrying that poor lemon around for the past three days, but I lost it somewhere in the Tampa airport today.  And I never even got a chance to talke a chomp out of it.  I have a feeling that the new lemon will get a real workout tonight.  Thanks for listening.

[Ex_Nancy]

Yep, it's like the 2 year old kid in the shopping cart next to the CANDY in the check-out aisle.......You need to stop DWELLING on the thoughts, PUSH thru, relax and eat and go to tommorrow....You were NOT fooling yourself....THAT is the adddiction talking, no YOU.   Relax and go to bed early....this is the " New-normal"....♥

[froguelady]

Grab that lemon and chow down.   You can beat the cravings, you know they are mental and coming from your brain, the more knowledge the easier the quit. The cravings will pass, stay strong for you a awesome lady.  HUGS

[Junior7]

I spend a lot of time at home, and I always smoked on the front porch, so home's not one of my triggers.  But at first my car was one of my biggest triggers.  I was afraid to drive the hour and a half to visit my dad for an afternoon.  Got over that hurdle finally.  Now the scariest trigger is  my friends that smoke--fortunately, most of them do not.  What helps me is cinnamon gum, bubble gum, Altoid mints, diet cokes--anything to keep my mouth busy. And in the car my xm radio. And getting involved in something interesting besides smoking.  A book, a movie, a baseball game, everyone's blogs, walking my dog, texting my nephew, checking my email, soaking in the bath. Most of us can't avoid being home as much as you can, so we have to confront the triggers at home sooner.  I can't imagine being tired from all that traveling and feeling you can't relax at home because of the cravings.  How difficult!  Do you have a non-smoking friend you could invite over for scrabble or monopoly or cooking a nice dinner or something else to keep you busy?

Congrats on not smoking!  That's an amazing feat!  Your house will eventually feel normal without smoking there.  It just might take a little longer since you travel so much.

[brenda61]

Thanks for blogging to us.

[SkyGirl]

Thanks, Everyone.  And Junior, especially, thanks for the support.  The craziest part of this is that I DON"T smoke inside my home and I never have.  It's the PATIO that's making me nuts.  I had my little smoking haven set up there; rocking chair, table with pretty tablecloth,  lamp,  oscillatiing fan, reading material, foot-pedal wastebasket (for easy of butt-dumping), the works.  And I sit out there ALLLL the time when I'm not flying.  Even when it's chilly...because I actually had a space heater out there, too.  But the night before I quit, I broke it all down and put eveything away.  My patio is just this empty block of cement now.  The reason my house was making me crazy is because I'm completely NOT used to being in it, except for cooking and being in bed.  So to pace around inside my house was what was so difficult.  But okay, I know what all the elders would tell me right now: "Stop dwelling on what used to be.  Your smoking life was not normal.  You must find new ways of doing things.  Think positive.  Look forward, not back.  Distract yourself from these thoughts of what used to be."   I KNOW.  I'm screwing up my resolve to leave Barnes & Noble and go home now.  I'll probably be back on later tonight... 

[Junior7]

Can you set yourself up a new, non-smoking haven either inside your condo or on your patio?  Could be a good project to keep you busy and a new non-smoking space to retreat to.  Non-smokers are allowed relaxing havens, too, I am sure.

[jojo_2-24-11]

Hi Sky Girl, The new lemon sounds like a good idea. It's a little bit to get use to being an ex-smoker but you are making the new normal now each and every minute. Make it as pleasant as you can. I just took a walk in the neighborhood that I live in, I haven't done that in about a year. I needed to drop off my car insurance and I would've just drove it there after the gym but I cooked dinner instead of going to the gym and I felt I needed the walk after dinner so I walked about 10 blocks. It was a really nice fall night and it gave me a chance to see things I can't driving all the time. It was nice! Sometimes the simplist things are the best.

[YoungAtHeart]

I absolutely agree with Junior --- you need to make a new Haven!  Seems to me like you really enjoy being in the fresh air --- so think how much FRESHER it will be with no cigarette smoke?!!!  How about a different chair - and a candle on a table to start?  Can you count the stars from there?  Or maybe spend some time doing yoga breathing? Or get a book and learn to knit????  Or do crossword puzzles?

I also want to bring your attention to Apple's Angry Birds.  There is a free version on your iPad and I played it for HOURS when I first quit.  It was my savior for many a craving.  Keeps your mind and hands busy and it is addicting in its own way!!!  I highly recommend it - I swear it saved my quit dozens of times!!!!

[JonesCarpeDiem]

i think you may want to turn your patio into an ice skating rink this winter?

It's much safer than smoking if you've got handrails.

you sound like you finally realize the lies that smoking promised.

[pazzamess]

Day three was the worst day of my quit. Get through it and keep moving

[oceanstar2]

Plus now you're home you have a freezer, to stick your head in and breathe!  I probably could've worded that better, but you know what I mean, lol!  You can do this, I believe in you!!  Also a new haven sounds great, with plants maybe, to provide more oxygen for you.  You're doing great!

[warriorprincess]

The first month of my quit was so up and down, it was as if I was bi polar. I would have great days but mostly not so great days. Hang in there it really will pass. i know it seems as if you will be in hell forever, but you wont. I just remember taking things really slowly and was very gentle with myself. This is a huge adjustment and it will get better!!

[misty_dawn]

Redo or  rearrange you patio.  It will help. 🙂  You can do this.

[gypsy6]

Stay off the patio until you can deal with being out there without smoking. Follow the suggestions and it will get better.  Please remember why you quit.  Hang in there you can do this.